12 hours of sleep

You would think t would help. But I have cried so much today. I came in and he is now on infectious care. I have to gown up to see him.
2nd dialysis today
Heartburn
Nauseated
Vomiting in bed all over himself
NG tube back in and they have pumped out 2800cc - yes, you read that right- in the last 4 hours.
Internal bleeding
Oxygen back up to 6 ltr
Colostomy and catheter
I have had to leave a few times just to compose myself. Know that I need to walk away and go home, but that scares me.

I love him so much

I walked in and he put his arm up and I said, what do you need? He whispered, hold me. I wrapped both arms around his arm and said again, what do you need? He whispered, I just want you to hold me. So I sat for 1 1/2 hours just holding his hand.

My heart is breaking.

I'm going home to watch the hallmark channel and sob my heart out. My girlfriends are bringing comfort food. I pray tomorrow is better. I know this guy and have seen him turn things around before so I haven't given up hope yet

Dw

Complete shut down

His kidneys have stopped. He is back in "mini" surgery having a port put in for dialysis. He has always said that he would never agree to dialysis, but I talked to him yesterday and got him to agree. I told him that if he refuses it in the hospital, he will never walk out alive. I got the nephrologist to agree to only put in a temporary port - good for one week at most.

I had to sign the consent form. That's how out of it he is. Me. I had to sign consent for my husband to go on dialysis - which we both consider to be life support - and we both have DNRs.

But I also know that if he refused, he will go from here to a nursing home and never get out. I want him home so he can make all the decisions.

And I have completely shut down. Nothing matters. Tomorrow doesn't count. Hope doesn't count. Thinking about yesterday isn't possible. I feel like I am in a shell and the shell only exists for this moment only. So I know it's a form of shock and I'm very aware of what I'm going through and I'm simply allowing myself to take the steps I need to get from this one minute to this one minute.

He has a wonderful team of nurses today. I love the endocrinologist here and am so pleased with the nephrologist. The critical care doctor is avoiding me like the plague, and I'm certainly ok with that! My sis is here by my side making sure that I eat, take my pills, walk. I think she wants me to nominate her for saint-hood! She is taking care of everything at the house.

I don't know when they will do the dialysis, I'm hoping farily soon after they get the port in. OK, so I was explaining to someone else, he has had a port in his upper right chest since Monday. He has 3 IV ports in his right arm and 1 in his left arm. They still draw blood directly from his left arm for labs and still inject his insulin directly into his stomach with needles. I just don't know how much more one human body can take.....and now dialysis.

If it goes well and he has no adverse reactions, I will go home and sleep in as long as I want tomorrow before coming back in here.

I have been sitting here just wondering what diabetics think. I have heard so many say, "I take good care of myself. Nothing will happen to me. I'm compliant. I'll never let it get that bad." And I know my husband said that all through his 20s and 30s. But as a person ages and other parts of the body start to fail.....as years and years of having this disease start to take their toll on the body....how can anyone say "it won't happen to me."? My heart aches for all the diabetics who are going to be in my husband's spot and have no clue what is coming at them or how hard it will hit them. But my heart weeps for all the spouses that will go through this.

My brother-in-law was healthy as could be and died in his sleep of a heart attack at the age of 55. We should all be that lucky.

No one should suffer like my husband is suffering this week.

DW

Beyond awful

One of these days I will assemble all my notes. Right now they are on my laptop, ipad, iphone and in emails. I'll put together a timeline. But just know this has been my absolute worst nightmare.

Example of just one conversation this afternoon. Hubby is in ICU. He cannot see. His kidneys are functiong at 13%. And the critical care MD is arguing with me about his insulin. I swear! I did not back down. I finally said, "you sound like you are upset with me." he said, "I feel like I am being attacked" I said, "I'm no where near attacking you - I'm trying to get you to understand why you should not switch him from Humulin R U500 to novolog. But you do what you have to do. His endocrinologist said that if anyone wanted to switch him off Humulin, they were to call her." and I gave him her number.

Then I pulled out my gigantic spread sheet and showed him hubby's past tracking of labs. You cannot fathom the change in this doctor. I think he realized that I know what I'm talking about. He called this hospitals endocrinologist who just now left the room telling me they were NOT going to take him off his Humulin!!!

So why did the critical care MD ever even have the argument with me? Why didn't he simply listen to my concerns, then call the endo?

And that is what my entire week has been like.

To top it all off, I woke up to blood in my urine this morning! Can you even believe that? I'm sure I have a kidney infection from sitting in surgery waiting all week long. Fortunately, my HMO has a clinic about 5 blocks from here and while it's not where I go, my doctor is amazing and she called an RX there and didn't make me go see her (an hour from here). I'm flushing my system with diet 7 up and cranberry juice and am already doing so much better. But did I need this? NO!!!

As you can see, I am stressed out and my body is starting to show it. When I told my doctor everything that was going on, she said, "and all you have is blood in your urine???" That made me laugh!

Hubby is running a temp of 103.3 now. So I will stay with him awhile longer. Been an awfully long day and I know I need to get some rest, but I'm hoping to meet with the hospital nephrologist because his kidney functions are so low.

I keep telling myself it can't get any worse.....yet it does.

DW

And the nightmare begins.....

Those who read me, know this is my place to vent. So that when I'm with hubby, I can be supportive and encouraging. So I have to vent about this hospital and staff, because in a couple hours, I will be there, and then I have to be a cheerleader!

My sister is with me. Thank God! But on the drive home last night she said, "I could never be like you." I said, what do you mean? She said, "you just coo and coddle him, you say all these really sweet things to him to make him feel better. I'd be like 'get over it' if that was my husband laying in bed!"

Just had to laugh at her! But it might let you know that when I'm in front of others, I'm really a good wife. This is my place to vent and get it out of my system so no one else hears it.

But that hospital might just hear it today!

He was in recovery for 3 hours. I knew that wasn't good. He finally got to his room and when they let me in to see him - he couldn't stand. He has no feeling in his left leg from the knee down. He can move his foot. However, he says he's not moving it that it's involuntary movements. The nurse said it is swelling from the surgery and just temporary. But let me tell you, that man was scared to death.

I actually had to excuse myself for a moment and go out into the hall and take several deep breaths. What do you do when your husband is so scared, and you are, too, but you have to be brave in front of him?

I went back in and immediately just started repeating to him over and over that it was just swelling and that it would go away, but that it might take a week or two. I rubbed his hands and his arm, rubbed his forehead, cooed sweet nothings to him until he finally started to settle down about an hour later.

He was having trouble breathing. He would doze off and simply not breathe. I don't know why they did not put him in ICU for the night, but they didn't. The floor nurse was just horrible. I mean truly. No eye contact. No personality at all. I handed her his bottle of humulin R-U500 and she said, yes, we are handling this. I said, what is his glucose? She didn't know! So she got a meter and took it. It was 320. Now, mind you, he had not had anything to eat in the past 24 hours. So I asked what insulin they had given him and she said 5 cc Novulin at 5 pm. I'm sure the look I gave her was horrified....but then, remember, she made no eye contact with me - so she didn't see it. Even hubby told her that was way too low. She kept saying it was the same as Humulin R.

I got home around midnight and crashed. Then woke straight up in bed at 3:30 am realizing that the hospital staff was reading it just as humulin r, not adding the U500 to the end of it. So I printed out his RX, printed out the description of the drug, made up a huge print sign with all his RXs to take and tape to his wall, then called to check in on him at 5:30 am. A different nurse answered (thank goodness!) and said that his heart rate has been elevetated - around 125 to 150 all night long. So he is struggling. I asked what his glucose was and she said she took it at 2 am and it was 320 again. So I took the time to explain to her that I thought there had been a mistake in his meds. I explained the difference between regular and U500. She looked in his chart and said that the doctor had reduced his dose from 32 to 16 units in the morning and from 20 to 10 units at night. I said, "why would you reduce it if his glucose is 320?" She said she did not know.

I asked when the doctors would make their rounds - she did not know that. So I asked if when I come in today, could I speak with the doctor on call? Of course, she said that I can. So I will.

I looked up the patient advocacy number for this hospital and will call it if I don't get positive results with the doctor. Hubby cannot stay at 320. He just can't! And I'm certain no one at this hospital understands humulin R-U500. On my list of meds, I've printed his endo's name and phone number along with his PCPs contact information. I'm taking my own scotch tape! LOL!!!

Since I sort of want him alive and in working order, I will take on the role of advocate once again. Much as I do not want to, I will do it. I absolutely hate that this burden has been put on me. Doesn't have a thing to do with how much I truly love and adore this man. This is NOT something that I signed up for. But will willingly take on the role in order to help him through this.

Honesly, I do not know how he will survive tomorrows operation. It absolutely killed me to watch him last night. He was in so much pain, so scared about not feeling his left leg, and a bit in a delima due to his high glucose - which they obviously allowed to remain high all night long.

At midnight, I had to leave. I was on the verge of collapse and to make matters worse - our weather is not cooperating whatsoever. I have never divulged where we live, but needless to say, most of the US is being consumed by a winter blizzard of which we are not exempt. Driving in such inclimate weather added an unneeded stress factor and we are facing it again this morning. It's only an hour to the hospital on a good day. Go figure that the worst of it hits when he has surgery scheduled! Well, OK, I'm hoping the worst is over!

I am keeping notes, but just realized that I need to start keeping even better notes as he may well not survive tomorrow's surgery, based on how they are handling his insulin. How truly, utterly, completely sad is it that a family member knows more about his insulin than anyone on the hospital staff can figure out?

I am so not prepared for today, but I will manage no matter what. I'm going in on 3 1/2 hours of sleep - knowing that will have me on edge. But I cannot sleep at this point and who know what time I will need to be there in the morning because surgery starts at 8:30 am.

May you never ever have to go through this with your loved ones - diabetic or not.

DW

I'm pissed!

He's not out of surgery yet, but I am pissed, so going to write about it and see if I can't get over it!

His surgeon came out about an hour ago. Said this was the hardest case he had ever done. Hubby is morbidly obese (259 lbs). Has put on 40 pounds since bypass surgery a year ago. I think the surgeon was blaming me. I wish I could re-do that conversation. I'd make it clear that it's not MY fault! Hubby fixes most of his own meals as he never likes whatever it is that I cook. He will go to Burger King whenever he wants. He sneaks candy in his truck all the time. I'm NOT his mother - I can't force him to diet or alter what he eats. So I'm mad at the surgeon for even suggesting that "I" have to get him to lose weight!

He wants to put him on a protien, no carb diet when he leaves here. I told him that the endo says hubby has to have 45 carbs per meal. Can't do that on a no carb diet.

So surgeon said what about gastric bypass surgery?

Now, how can you eat 45 carbs per meal when you can only have an ounce or 2 of food at a meal after that surgery?

Sometimes I just wonder about the medical world? I understand that they are all so specialized that they don't know what one specialty needs from aonther.

But don't put that burden on me!

It's NOT MY DISEASE!!!!!

They couldn't get to the L3 - he is too fat. Said his veins would not move. I'm thinking it's atrphy from diabetes. NOT fat. But you know, I'm not a doctor, so what do I know? I mean, they guy has had diabetes for 30 years and here's what we've been told:

His heart problems are all due to poor genetics
His back problems are all due to poor genetics
His gout is due to his Scottish ancestry

Do you understand why I'm about ready to scream my head off? No one, and I mean NO ONE is even considering that ALL of this just might be a result of 30 years of poor management of diabetes!!!

DUH!!!

OK, I will quit my ranting. The neurosurgeon is done, but they now have to put him back together again.

Oh, they nicked his femor vein in his left leg going in, stitched it up, but have to be aware of possible blood clots and he has to constantly exercise/move his feet. Ya think he's going to do that???

One can only wonder what's going to happen on Wednesday when they do the second part of this.

So they only fused L4-L5. I wonder if that's enough to relieve any of his pain.

The neurosurgeon said that he didn't gain 40 pounds this past year by not exercising. I'm thinking, yes, you don't move at all, you simply sit in a chair or lay in bed, you can easily gain 40 pounds in a year by simply eating the same way you ate the past year.

Will there ever be a physician who looks at the whole person?

I sort of doubt it!

DW

The night before surgery...

And all thru the house, not a creature is stirring...

Because I think we are all worried and apprehensive. Still doing pretty good not allowing myself to worry and fret. But wondering if it's possible.

Lilly, your comment was right on. Do we take a proactive role - do I check the quantity of humulin he gets and the time... Or do I let the hospital staff make their mistakes and do whatever they need to correct it. I was proactive with his heart surgery. I think I might not be with this one...but I won't know until it happens and I know that.

Keeping myself busy so I am worn out - which means I am sleeping great. He is not sleeping at all, so I know he's worrying about surgery.

24 hours and we will know how the first one went.

Dw

Would you donate a kidney?

Lilly did. Check out her story.

Hubby and I have already talked about this. My body seems to be allergic to any and all drugs. So I probably couldn't. He won't let his kids. They are probably both pre-diabetic. But I think Lilly's post is really good. Who out there looks at possible complications for the donor?

I once knew a gal who went skiing and when she got to the base of the run, had completely stopped, she lost her balance and fell over into a big rock. She had a kidney that was so damaged it had to be removed. What if she had already donated her other kidney to someone she loved?

I think we just don't think about the ramifications of what we do. We don't plan for the future. Lilly said her hubby was ready to quit dialysis. My hubby has said he will never start dialysis. He says it's a form of life support and he is against that in any form. I see his point. But I wonder.

I wonder if his kidneys will survive 2 operations 2 days apart, each surgery lasting a minimum of 6 hours. I think the word "minimum" scares me. No one has mentioned what the maximum might be.

He is on humulin. We had so many problems with his open heart surgery getting his humulin to him in a timely manner. Hospitals just don't understand how it works. It is 5 times concentrated a normal insulin dose. So you take 1/5th the amount. We have to take his personal supply in and the pharmacy keeps it and fills the needle and then dispenses it. He's supposed to have it at 8:30 am with a meal. Last time - he'd go til noon without it being delivered. And yes, I'm the one sitting there calling the nurses asking where it is - he's going to be out of it the first few days.

But surgery with a diabetic has it's own complications. Hospitals just don't seem to care. They don't understand nutrition, the importance of eating on time, the importance of injections on a schedule. They have their own protocols and who are we to insert a different medication with a different protocol?

So I was up all night long thinking about this. Do I make sure I' there at 8:30 am every morning to start the calls of "where is the humulin"? Do I make certain they give him humulin and not hospital insulin? Do I check the needle to see if it's 5 units, not 5 cc?

I think that this time, I'm going to simply put him in the hands of the hospital staff and whatever happens - happens. I cannot be there 24/7. I can't be the hospital's "quality control". But "letting go" is nearly impossible to do when you care for someone so much. On the other hand, I know I'll wear myself out if I play "inspector".

I understand that from Monday at 10 am until Wed at probably 10 pm - I am going to be a total wreck! I understand that I have absolutely no idea how I am going to get through this. The good thing is that most of the time, he will be unconscious or drugged. Do you think they will give me some drugs? I almost think that if I ask for them, they will!

I understand that anything can go wrong. But I am also praying that everything goes perfectly correct.

Yesterday, I decided I was wearing myself out trying to stay positive. So I'm giving myself 24 hours to be negative! Starting tomorrow, I will go back to being positive and refuse to allow the worry, nagging, what-if thoughts to enter my head.

But maybe 24 hours of worry is good - just in case I need to be prepared.

We are planning a quiet weekend - before the "storm" (of surgery) on Monday!

I so appreciate all your prayers and good thoughts. This blog is about the journey, the road traveled, how to survive as the wife of a diabetic. I so often say that it is "his" disease, not mine. And it is. But the road I travel has been altered and impacted by his disease. Hopefully, this surgery will get us back on the path to healthy living. :o)

DW

A1c at 8.0

He simply can't get it down. He's gaining weight. I truly hope this doesn't prevent surgery. He went through all the labs and pre-ops this last week. So much to do. His liver function test was really poor. Life goes on. If one thing is good, 10 others are bad or vice versa.

I didn't realize that cortisone wears off in phases. I just thought when he said it had worn off - it was done. But yesterday, he explained that there are stages and right now, he is getting no relief whatsover from his pain. He can barely move. I so hope this surgery helps.

On Thursday, his endocrinologist called and said they wanted to see him. He was supposed to go in last September and skipped the visit. I just refuse to nag him on stuff like this, no matter how important I think it is. This is HIS disease. So I heard him arguing that there was no reason for him to go in before his operations, but then he agreet to go tomorrow. When he hung up, he was furious.

He said he had never heard of this doctor, had never seen her, had never been to that clinic. Of course, he's been there 3 times since his bypass surgery. And I quietly reminded him of his vists and he said, "I never went there!"

It hit me.....they had switched him to Humulin just before surgery and he was crashing low all the time. Of course he doesn't remember going in there. I got out receipts with the doctor's name on it and the location of the clinic. Sort of hard to argue with that! But he truly didn't remember. And what gets me is that it didn't phase him that he didn't remember. He doesn't connect diabetes and sugar lows to lack of memory.

Anyway, we are now going to endo tomorrow. I swear, if they want to change his dose due to his high A1c just before surgery, I may just go off the deep end. I am NOT going to live through another series of lows this next week and that is precicely what happens every time they increase it.

So, what do I do? Do I start nagging him whenever he misses scheduling with a specialist? Then he gets mad and yells at me. Is this my job? REALLY???? And obviously, if I don't nag him, he doesn't go. The problem is that specialists are outside referrals to his HMO....and his HMO doesn't remind him to go and they don't call until months later when someone in their office realizes he hasn't been in.

Hugh sigh!

There's half of me that says - just let him crash. Don't even worry about it. As long as he is taking the dose the doctor tells him to take.....it's not my problem.

And the other half of me says - heck no! When he crashes, he yells and screams and tells me to leave. And then he doesn't even remember the horrible things he said. So if I want a peaceful life, then I HAVE to make sure he tests and that he stays pretty level.

In all honestly, I'd rather have him high than low. I know neither is good for him, but life is better when he's high than when he's low.

Lilly, surgery isn't for another week yet. And 2 more office visits to "pass" before we really know he can have this done for certain.

In the meantime, I'm burying myself in art projects this week. Hoping to pass the time quickly and have a little fun in the process!

DW

It was a wonderful weekend!

My sister is too funny. Our brother is having surgery by a surgeon close to her, so he is going to be spending his recovery time with her. Surgery is on 1/20. She called me Friday morning and said, can I come down for the weekend? I need to get away!

Of course I love having her here and we played all weekend. We had the pizza party with our other friends and it was just a hoot.

But don't for one second get me wrong. I have plenty of moments where I get so mad because living with a diabetic is NOT the life I ever asked for, wanted, envisioned, or deserve. I'm just going through my own denial phase and ignoring the fact.

No, I think I've simply turned it all over to him. Once again, it's his disease, not mine. My life goes on. And I'm going to do the best that I can to enjoy it and live it. He can live in his own depression and I will fight every second to stay away from it.

And at least for this last weekend, it worked.

I did have a little pep talk with him and informed him that he could not go to the bedroom until 9 pm each night. And that he had to be social, whether he liked it or not.

He did good! LOL!!!

His sugars are running way too high. About 220 when he wakes up. He did labs this morning. Cannot even fathom what the A1c will come in at. It's not in yet. I just checked and some of the others are back. Triglicerides are at 669. Alt is 84 - liver problems now? He has an appt with his primary on Thurs, will know more then.

DW

Pre-op depression?

Funny that I can diagnose him better than he can! I have no doubt that he's in pre-op depression right now. Ugh! Two more weeks of this? I wish he could be a little more like me. I've chosen to be positive about everything. And if I'm wrong, we'll deal with it when we have to. He's chosen the direct opposite path and is thinking nothing is worth anything.

How on earth does he expect me to stay positive? I am really trying hard today to overcome his depression and it's just not all that easy. He sighs all the time. Has this mopey look about himself. Doesn't even try to get my jokes. (Now, that hurts! LOLOL!!!)

I know it's just something that he has to go through....but I'm sorry to say that the rest of us have to go through it with him.

So today, I buried myself in my art! I've been hired by a local store to teach classes one night a week - something to force me out into the art world. They seem to be more than willing to work around my schedule with him, so I took them up on their offer to teach!

I've planned a pizza party tomorrow night with friends who have little girls that he adores. And my sis is coming down for the weekend with her husband. So I'm hoping this will force him out of his depression.

On the other hand - his birthday is next week.....yeah, I understand "that" depression! LOLOL!!!

I've made up my mind - it's going to be a great weekend! Hope yours is too!

DW

Kidney stints???

There are multiple surgeons preparing for hubby's operations. One of them called to talk to him about his appendix incision from 30 years ago. It might be in the way of where they want to put kidney stints.

KIDNEY STINTS?????

No one mentioned that!

So I did my google research and actually, I think they might be a good thing for this kind of surgery. Protection in the event there is blockage.

But don't you love it how "information" arrives? via a phone call? about a 30 year old incision?

That surgeon called back today and said after looking at more xrays and records, he's decided the incision isn't going to be in the way.

And I am pleased that they are wanting to take steps to protect his kidneys. They only function at 22% right now. We need to preserve them as long as possible.

Tomorrow he goes to get fitted for his back brace. Another 1 hour drive there and an hour back.

Yesterday, we drove and hour to the hospital for him to bank his 3rd pint of blood. His hematocrit was too low (by 1 point) so he called the surgeon who said they were delighted he had manaaged to bank 2 pints and to not worry about the 3rd pint. So a 2 hour drive for nothing. But you have to do these things to get ready.

And I wonder why I'm tired all the time? :o)

I'm so grateful to have my sisters. I call when I get down. I called today. I do think it's wearing me out. I'm fighting depression. Fighting the unknown, the "what-if's". Trying hard to stay positive for him. She gave me a 20 minute pep talk and I was fine after that. We decided the "key" is one of 2 things;

1. Give in to the feelings, eat chocolate, watch a movie, fall asleep and wake up ready to go

or

2. Take on a project. Get busy. Do something. Be active. Ignore the sadness and the fears. Put it all in God's hands.

Today, I picked # 2 and was so busy in a half hour that I forgot about his problems!

Now, if I can just remember that the next time.....

DW

Passed a milepost!

Went to his cardiologists today and he passed with flying colors. Had a new EKG and no problems. What a sigh of relief!!!

He also "graduated" from wound care. We don't have to go back. The incision on his ankle where they took the vein out for bypass surgery has finally healed! Another big yeah!

Love it when there's good news!

Plus, he got a parking spot right up front at the clinic! Gotta make you smile! LOL!

DW

Nesting

They say that pregnant women "nest" right before they deliver. I remember doing that. Cleaning up a storm, getting our "nest" ready for the new little birdie.

I realized this week that I'm "nesting". I'm cleaning, sorting, and organizing, getting ready for his surgery and 8 months of recovery. Funny - I didn't know that's what I was doing - but it hit me like a lightening bold. Little things. I put a bench inside the front door, so he can sit and rest. I put a wheeled student type chair right inside his office door. I put another one in the bathroom. Today, I hung shelves in the utility room and brought the tool we use the most in from the garage and put them on the shelves.

I think I'm getting ready for limited mobility in the next 8 months. And while I don't have any way of knowing what it will be like, I think somehow, instinctively, I was getting ready. Now that it hit me what I'm doing - it's sort of funny.

He is really apprehensive about the operations. So we have been talking a lot. His cortisone has worn completley off and he is pretty much in pain full time. I really hope this works. I understand that if it doesn't, the only solution is another surgery.

I also noticed that I am retreating into my protective shell. turning down invitiations. Not inviting people over. Not going to meetings. My way of coping? So I invited another couple to dinner and movies this weekend. I agreed to go to a meeting with a group I belong to. Going to try to accept more invitations. Sometimes, I think I'm just not able to deal with everything and I start to shut down, then something wakes me up and I'm just fine.

Tomorrow we visit his cardiologist. He gets and EKG and an echocardiogram. Sure hope they come back ok!

DW

Surviving December

Sure sounds like a great movie title! LOL!!! But we made it! Janaury 3 and we have survived it all! Yeah us! LOL!!!

Lilly, I want to apologize to you. I did say Lynn and meant Lilly and I now have the link to your blog over on the side. So there are 4 of us posting the honest truth about what it's like being married to a diabetic. I find the similarities and the differences all so interesting. I'm still amazed at the number of diabetics who are at some stage of denial as to what is really going on in their bodies. I think my hubby is relying on me more and more to tell him what is going on. He doesn't seem to actually notice declines in body functions and I seem to be inately alert to the slightest change. And then my sister pops in and is overwhelmed by his decline and I realize just how much I miss.

This week is the "parkinsons" type shakes. He can no longer cut his own food. And that is sad. I'm sure it is from the neuropathy. When there are no nerves, how can you feel that you have a fork and knife in your hands? He has lost most of his grip due to carpel tunnel. But again, I believe that's tied to neuropathy as well.

I noticed just today that even simple things like filling his pill box are becoming difficult Hard to hit the bin with the pill when you are shaking as bad as he does Seems to be worse when he is tired, but getting to be pretty bad all of the time.

Did our second blood bank visit today. Things are moving right along. I think the big hurdle is getting a release from this cardiologist to do the spinal fusion. I woke up today with such a complete peace about the whole process Not worried any longer. Just putting it all into God's hands and going to make the best of whatever the outcome is.

Here's hoping we all have a positive year. By supporting each other, we can make the road a little bit easier to travel!

DW

New "wife of diabetic" blogger!

Lynn wrote:

Hope that all goes well with your husband and surgery. My husband is also in a lot of pain with spinal stenosis. However, because of his slow healing, he cannot find anyone who will even consider doing surgery. He has been told surgery may make things even worse because of all his other health problems. I finally "took the leap" and started my own blog today. Not sure how to let other people know, as I have been reading the other blogs you are following. I am still new to this! Here is my link: http://type1d.blogspot.com/ Yes, my husband is a Type 1, but so many of your challenges are so similar to mine. Again, thanks for having the courage to tell it like it is in your blog. You have truly helped, just by letting me know I am not alone in this craziness.

I've added Lynn's blog link over on the right. Lynn, welcome to this tiny group of women who are writing the day-to-day life of what goes on. We are slowly growing. I think it's so healthful to me to simply write what I'm feeling at the moment. It's a great outlet of stress. But more than anything - I'm documenting his progres (or lack of it). Doesn't matter if it's type 1 or 2, we are in this together.

Lynn, it sounds like your hubby is about a year or so behind the process of where my hubby was. He's been through PT and done the cortisone injections. Nothing worked. Here's my thoughts...the nerve endings are dying off. They do not heal. High sugar causes blood vessels to constrict and die off, why wouldn't it also cause the spinal column to constrict? And because this is caused by diabetis, not injury, then it can't be "fixed" without surgery. Just my opinon. Good luck!

Oh, and I have no idea how to market a blog like this. Mine seems to get picked up by the wierdest feeds!


Now, to Tom's wife: Thank you for blogging! I was truly worried. I used to have a mantra when I worked. I would sit at my desk and repeat over and over...IJAJ....IJAJ....IJAJ....it's just a job....it's just a job. Got me through many days!

Hubby's back is so bad he decided we couldn't go to the in-laws this year. I got lucky for once! Horrible people. If they ever read this blog, they deserve to know just how bad they are! I don't envy you at all. Your in-laws sound exactly like mine! Are you sure we're not related???

I have decided that the best gift anyone can give me is bubble bath! Think about it. If I use it, it forces me to spend time soaking in a tub. Which means that I'm not doing something else. I'm resting. Maybe we should all send each other bubble bath. OK - let's save on postage...everyone go out and buy their own bubble bath! LOL!

Hubby has been off work for 2 weeks and we have been resting and relaxing. We turned down every single holiday invite except for 1. It's been a very stress free month. I just don't think he could have handled anything this year. We spent today with his kids and grandkids. Bittersweet. The new grandson (8 months old now) has been diagnosed with epilepsy. Up to 100 mini seizures per day. On new meds and today....no seizures. The parents (hubby's son and wife) look beat - completely drained. So heart wrenching for me as my youngest son, now age 26, has had seizures his entire life. Sometimes diabetes seems like nothing.

DW

Peace, oh! sweet peace!

But I know it's the calm before the storm! He is off work til the end of the year and there is nothing on our calendar. We don't celebrate Christmas much. We will spend the 24th with his kids and grandkids, but it will be a quiet day.

He finally quit gorting on everything in site and is now back to eating salads and fairly healthy foods.

He has agreed to consider water exercise. I'm going to check out local classes.

He said that starting next week, we will do minor exercises to help build up his strength pre-op.

We went to wound care today and the incision on his ankle from his open heart surgery last March is finally starting to close up.

Our first pre-op visit is 12/27. We have 2-3 appointment every week for the next 5 weeks.


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As a side note - I am worried about Wife of a Diabetic 2.....I sure hope everything is ok and that you are just too busy to post.


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Lynn wrote:

Welll we found out his back is messed up bad...will learn more Monday... no wonder he has been in such pain AND limited.
also he was set up with HEALTH BUDDIES via the VA and will be posting his blood readings daily and in communication often so we hope this gets him in a better daily routine for keeping on top of things...hangin' in, girlfriend?

I truly hope his back isn't as bad as what my hubby is facing. We are almost at 2 years of no mobility now. It is no fun, that's for sure. My hubby has an extremely high pain threshold. I think what he's going through would kill me. I'm really hoping this surgery will help. I know we have 8 months of recovery before we will really know anything and I'm going to have to keep him motivated for those 8 months so that he stays on track and heals. Ah! The fun we have! LOL!

DW

What a day!

Some days he just scares me to death!

He wanted to go to Wild Buffalo Wings for lunch

Then to Costoc

He came home and at 3 pm, he ate a whole bag of potato chips

At 4 pm, he ate my leftovers from WBW

At 6 pm, he fixed himself THREE chicken salad sandwiches

HOW can he consume so much? He's going to weigh 400 pounds before surgery and the doctor told he he has to lose 50 pounds.

I'm stuffed just watching him eat.

Wait...maybe this is a good thing? LOL!

Seriously - it scares me how much food he eats.


And a bag of peanut M&Ms in the last 2 days as well.

He's been in a horrible mood since noon today. Just horrible. I'm exhausted. My sis is here, so I do have my sanity!


DW

On again, odd again, on again....

LOL!!! Not sure where we last left off, but we are now back to having back surgery and not going away for the holidays. I should write down the decision of the day, huh? And this today after a new cortisone injection just yesterday. He actually called the surgeons office this afternoon. The or room has been booked and everything is on schedule. I wouldn't do it myself, but then I'm not in pain.

I worry about it being too soon after his heart surgery

I worry that his kidneys will fail with 2 surgeries 2 days apart

I worry that he may be worse off than he is now

It has been 6 full months since he last had any labs done.

He said he will get them done in January.

I am praying for a quiet remainder of the year

My sis is here for. Couple of weeks so he is on his best behavior

And she is giving me much needed reprieve from our daily life

It's all good-- like the quiet before the storm

Dw

Diabetes and back pain

Lynn, this is sort of for you based on your last comment.

And it's just my opinion, nothing professional.

We know that nerve endings die off in the feet and fingers first in a diabetic

But it makes sense to me that nerve endings are dying off inside....as well as outside.

Intestines - causing diahrrea, other complications

Kidneys - kidney failure

lungs - respiratory problems

and what else is dying off? Probably not just nerve endings. Is oxygen getting to all the parts of the body? Feet? Hands, etc.

We know that blood vessels die off due to high glucose. And if he's going low all the time, there's a matching "high" that's doing damage.

If vertebrae collapse, the spine curves.

And spinal column narrowing....has to be the same thing as blood veins narrowing...

When nerve endings die off, there's pain for 2 years.

The sciatia nerve...dying off? Does it? Can it? I'm sure it can.

Horrible, terrifying disease.

But life does go on. No matter what. Hubby's grandma died this week, one of my best friends from gradeschool died...and life goes on.

Hubby's cortisone injection wore off. In the blink of an eye. One day he was doing fine, the next day taking 2 dilaudid at a time.

One day he wasn't going to have back surgery, next day he's thinking about it.

One day, we were going to go away for the holidays, next day we aren't.

Next cortisone injection is Dec 8.

I think everything will change again - once he feels a little better.

But I have to survive between now and then!

DW

Life doesn't stop

just because your husband has diabetes. But there are days when I wish I could just put it on pause!

Hubby's 91 year old grandma died Thanksgiving morning. She lives 1000 miles away.
His dad went into the hospital on Monday with HPB and glucose at 400 - he was passing out all the time.
He went home Thursday pm on new meds.
Tuesday, hubby went to his oldest granddaughter's school for grandparent's day. I had a meeting so couldn't go with him. In attendance was his ex wife, her husband, his son, his daugher-in-law, and his DILs parents.
The DILs mother made the "arrangements" and "forgot" to reserve a spot for my husband...he had to sit in the back of the auditorium.
In the classroom, granddaughter had made cards for everyone but him.

Yes, he has absolutely horrible children who have absolutely no respect for him. What are they teaching their own children?
Bottom line is that he came home and cried. He NEVER cries. This hurt him beyond belief.

Being this upset, with this much going on in such a short time is not good for a diabetic. A roller coaster of emotions.

So my family came to the rescue! 2 of my sisters came with their husbands, drove 2 hours each to get here, and we took him out to lunch yesterday. Everyone doted over him and told him how much they appreciated him and his help with all their computers It was a true thanksgiving. And he really loved every moment of it.

I think we may have to adopt different grandchildren. I doubt he ever goes back to the school. We'll see what he does for the holiday. This is the year he had open heart surgery and they have come to visit him 3 times....they live less than an hour away. It's just a good thing they are not my own kids. LOL!!! Actually, my son treats him much better than his own kids do

Needless to say, it's been one of those weeks. We need a break! Hopefully next week will be calm!

DW