Friday, December 16, 2011

Finding balance

My sis surprised me with a visit this week.  I think she just sensed I needed her here.  It's been wonderful!  We've been shopping, creating a bit in the studio, watching movies and just enjoying life.  Such a great break!

Now, hubby is always on his best behavior when we have company.  But even my sis made a comment (and she never says a thing) about how snippy he has been this week.  So if she's noticing it, it's really bad. I explained to her that he has been eating like crazy and she said she had noticed that.  We had a lengthy conversation on "why does he do that?" with no answers, of course.  But it was nice to have her here to witness his behavior and attitude.

She went home this morning and I'm hoping for a quiet day.  Planning to spend some more time in the studio being creative.  I think when he had his first minor heart attack (next month will be 3 years ago) I backed off my art.  I had to in order to become a caregiver for him.  I realized this week how much I've missed it.  And I know I have been struggling between finding some balance between getting older and slower, caring for him, not stressing out over him, and having time to design and create.

Yesterday, one of my long distance art pals skyped me.  She made a comment about how long my hair had gotten and I realized just how long it had been since she had seen me.  We probably spent an hour showing each other creative things we were working on.  It felt good.  We used to skype for a whole day at a time, each of us in our studio, creating together long distance.  I realize that I need that.  So I'm going to try harder to find that "balance" that will allow me to do a few things I really want to do.

Perhaps being the wife of a non-compliant diabetic is more about finding balance than anything else.  Letting go of them, knowing they are not going to make the long haul if they don't change.....changing from whatever you were to a full time caregiver.....changing how you accomplish your own tasks as you age and your own body parts start to be less reliable.....but still resolving to be yourself, doing the things you love to do, having your own life.

Wishing you great "balance" this holiday season


Monday, December 12, 2011

Tis the season

for diabetic insanity!!  I mean seriously.....get a grip on the sugar eating!  If you're going to carb-out....test!  I think a diabetic coma is just around the corner most moments!  This guy of mine is eating like he will die in the morning....and he just may well do that!

We stopped at our fav Japanese place today for a little dim sum.  Ok.....he gives new meaning to the word "little"  3 huge stemmed pork buns, 12 small (variety) fish dumplings, 2 egg rolls....and 5 hours later, he is eating again??? No, I'm not cooking for him - he's doing his own!   He is truly carb loading which would be appropriate if he were running a 10K tomorrow.  But he's not!

So here's the problem. He has severe diarrhea.  Liquid blowouts.  I know - it is gross.  But I'm trying to be honest about his symptoms and problems.  He used to wear pajama bottoms to bed and recently started wearing briefs at night. I thought it curious.  Then discovered he has been having accidents nightly.  So more for me to clean up in the laundry. I know he does not want to go back to depends.....but he may have to.

And why won't he go to the doctor and at least see if there's anything that can be done?  The smells are worse and worse. Glade works much better than Febreeze.  In case you need to know.

So with all the extra sugar and carbs....I think we're in for a true roller coaster ride this season.  I wish there was a button I could push to make it go away, but I sort of think it's just going to get worse.

I have declined every holiday invitation in an attempt to limit sugar.  We have nothing in this house.  And my next step is to be too tired to go out to eat.  Trust me, he will go without me!

Hope we all survive the next 2 weeks!