Thursday, January 10, 2008

Parkinsons (and more stress for me)

He left today saying he was going to the eye doctor. So I didn't even bother to ask to go. He came home and said he made a mistake, today was his doctor's visit, the eye exam is next week.

I have to wonder....was that just one huge lie because he didn't want me to go?

Just so maddening. I'm just ready to throw in the towel....let him eat whatever he wants and just kill himself.

How can you mix up an eye exam and a doctor's appointment? Because you don't care enough to remember? Yeah...I think that's it.

So....his doctor did agree to refer him to an endocrinologist. But I just wonder if that's another lie. Time will tell. In the meantime, this one added a new drug to help keep his prostate from getting even bigger. And added a Parkinson's drug.

I need to go research this last one. He says he does not have Parkinson's, but his hands have been shaking lately and it is getting increasingly worse. To the extent that he cannot pick up food with a fork. He says it's related to his carpel tunnel syndrome. He's had 3 surgeries for that and it's supposed to be "healed". But he claims that is why his hands shake.

Tonight....I just think the only thing he knows how to do is lie. I'm so fed up with it. And it's most likely that I'm just tired.

I asked if he asked about a pump and he said his doc told him to wait until he saw the endo. Hmmmm...think there is an ounce of truth in that either?

I just keep asking myself, "what next?"

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

How time flies

I hadn't logged on in a few days, so sorry the comments didn't get posted until now. Thanks for all the thoughts on the CPap. He does have a humidifier and he also has the chin strap. He has not been in for the adjustment yet, but I am hoping that will do the trick. Last night was the first time in weeks that I actually slept in our bed all night long. It felt good!

I've fixed up the guest bedroom with everything I need and have been sleeping in there, so I am feeling a bit more rested. But he misses me, so he is really trying to keep the cpap on all night long.

He's also going through a rather stressful time at work. They are doing another round of reductions (huge corporation) and he is going on site all this week. At least his feet are healthy enough at the moment that he can walk. But man, is he yelling and screaming around here a lot! Fortunately, I have been able to tune it out for the most part, so either I'm getting used to it, growing immune to it, or have decided to just ignore it. For whatever reason, it's much more tolerable now than in the past. I do know that when he gets really going, I just calmly remind him that he doesn't need to be yelling at "me"....that I'm not the problem and that does seem to calm him back down. There are moments though when I wonder if he is going to have a heart attack!

I did move my studio to the basement last year and that has been a life saver. I can go down, shut the door, and get some peace and quiet there! I've been calling it my "cave" lately! LOL! Maybe every spouse needs a cave to go hide in! ha ha! least I still have a bit of my sense of humor about me! So it's still a good day!

Sue, happy to have you among the posters here. Think about starting your own blog....a place to record the ups and downs of your journey with him, a place to record his ups and downs....I find it's a great release. And along the way, I've come to find that I'm not quite so alone as I once thought I was. You have to get past all the naysayers out there.....but there are other spouses who know what you are dealing with. It really does help!