Saturday, April 21, 2012

The ridiculous stuff in life

This has been just the worst week ever.  I am completely exhausted from packing, sorting, cleaning.  We've had a showing on our home almost every day, and today, there were 2 showing.  I also had a huge garage sale today.  I will never have another one - ever.  Just too much work.  I got rid of so much stuff and made a ton of money....but I think I will just give it all to goodwill from now on.

Hubby is a thousand miles away visiting his parents.  For all intense purposes, they have shut me out.  He told me he would be by his phone all day today in case I had questions about his stuff.  Not once did he answer when I called him.  Beyond frustrating.

Then he called me this evening and I was hurting so much I simply did not get out of my chair to go get the phone.  After 10 minutes he texted, "I guess you are too busy to talk to me".

Holy cow!!!  I nearly flipped out!  After 20 calls to him that he did not answer he texts that because I didn't answer his call?

It's not been a pleasant evening around here to say the least!  He knows he was wrong and he has tried every sob story in the book to get out of this one!  I finally just told him I'm too tired to deal with anything and I need a night off - which is exactly what I'm doing.

To top it of, he has not responded to my emails about the house we are negotiating to purchase.  I'm sure he just wants to wait until he gets home to discuss it.  I'd rather get it done while he's gone.  Just know that I am so physically worn down.....I may not make it.  I am more than concerned for my own health.  I don't know how long I can continue to do the negotiations on the sale of this house, the purchase of a new home, pack, sort, lift/carry boxes, bring loads up from the basement and down from the second is truly overwhelming.  I am praying that this is just a one night thing and that tomorrow will be a new day and I'll have another ounce of energy.  But tonight - I have spent everything that I have.  Simply exhausted beyond belief.

7:45 and I'm going to go to bed.  I'll be awake at 3 am!  LOL!!!


Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Dear Mary,

I'm working from my iPad this morning so I can't copy and paste your comment from a few posts back.

Your wrote about losing friends because they did not believe what you said your diabetic spouse did.

Trust me. I completely understand. I have lost numerous friends over the last few years over this.

I wonder if it's like getting married and all your still single friends sort of fall by the wayside. Or like having a baby and most of your childless friends get tired of you blabbering on about your new baby's first this or that.

So your spouse gets diabetes and your friends don't want to listen about it so they part ways.

I've sort of put it in the marriage/baby category. And yes, the loss of a good friend hurts. But I find I get mad at myself for trusting that they would stick with me no matter what happened.

Over the years, a lot of my personal friendships have been with people I worked with. Trust me, it doesn't take long for them to bail once you leave a job. And I do not have any close long distance friends as its just too much to try and keep up.

Fortunately, my 3 sisters have become my best friends. But we were not always like that either. But we have grown up and come to realize that in our 50-60 years of living...we are still each others best friends and can count on the simple fact that if any one of us is in need, the others will drop what they are doing, leave work, and be there as soon as possible.

So I now invest my time and energy in family and if someone else wants to be my friend, they have to at least meet me half way. If they don't, it's not really a friendship.

And no matter what your hubby did, I would never doubt you. Those of us with diabetic spouses hav all experienced ridicously outlandish behavior in our spouses.

Know that you are never alone. Never.


Monday, April 16, 2012

It never ends.

Last week, we had a conversation.  He has promised me we would buy a small retirement home where my mom lives.  I told him I was afraid that when he got to his parents house, he would feel all guilty and decide that we should move and take care of them.  He said, "no, we will move to where you mom is, I promise."

So he just skyped me and the deal that we are working on in the little cottage is falling through.  Long story.  But we both agreed to let it go.  Then he said, "we could always live here for free."  I just shook my head no.

Why does he do this?  Promise me one thing then change his mind?  Try to worm his way out of an agreement.  Yes, we could move in with his parents and live there for free, but absolutely nothing in life is free.  They are the kind of people who would remind us daily.  They hate me.  Why would I want to move there?  They would expect me to cook and clean.  No - that is not going to happen.  I have my own retirement income that will support me.

What he'd better think about is that he wants me to add him to my health insurance plan this fall when his runs out.  And I cannot do that if we are living in 2 separate places.  And while I would love to live rent free....not at the price of being with his parents day in and day out.

I also know that they may not live much longer.  But they could live another 10 years and I'm way too old to live under those conditions for 10 years!!!

Basically, I'm just writing down my thoughts here.  I need to point to a date and time when he made a verbal agreement with me.  Because I know when he gets home, this conversation is going to come up again.  I'm not going to allow him to use the argument that he never said this or that, or that he doesn't remember saying it!!!

So the deal on the retirement cottage is gone.  We missed the deadline on purpose.  It is a buyers market and the owner added and added and added to his side of the deal until I just got burnt out and think it's best if we go back to looking and find someone who actually wants to sell their place!  We had a verbal agreement, but when we put it in writing, the seller did not sign, but countered with more items he wanted.  At this point, we will just wait until we get all the cash from his retirement/severance and make a cash offer.

Does nothing though to relieve my stress and I'm sure it's why he thinks we should now move in with his parents!  Nope, not happening!!!


Sunday, April 15, 2012

How does time fly???

It just seems to zip by here! Last minute change of plans, he flew to see his parents rather than the 2 of us making the horrible 15 hour drive. A huge relief for me!!

We havent heard if the seller signed the contract yet. Giving the realtor til tomorrow to call me back.

I am packing like crazy while attempting to keep the house clean for showings.

Hubby's glucose dose is now at 50u in the am and 50 u in the evenings. Remember that he takes the concentrated insulin which is 5 times regular insulin. So he's taking 250u of regular insulin morning and night and his numbers are still hovering 200 - 250. Sure seems like a ton of insulin!!

I am enjoying the break from his diabetes. Enjoying the solitude. Had a genealogy meeting and a board meeting today. A showing in the morning. Art pal coming over later tomorrow...turning out to be a busy week.

Hope all of you have a good one!