Thursday, June 18, 2009

Surviving 101

Send the diabetic spouse to his parents. Have him take the pets. Listen to the silence. Start to remember what it is like to be able to spend a whole entire day without living in a world of diabetes. No blood stains from shots. No flopping in bed. No noise from a CPap machine. Listen again to the silence. Renew the spirit. Revive the soul.

I have decided that I could fall in love with silence.

I am healing. I am finding new strenght. Perhaps when he comes back, I just need to go away a little more often so I can remember who I am without being the wife of a diabetic.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

So much for promises.

He STILL has NOT been to see his doctor about his heart. Sigh. I need to give up. He is not going to go. He even commented the other day that all it was was a burning sensation like heartburn!

How soon he has forgotten just how scared he was, that he could barely breathe, that he could not function, that the pain was seering in his chest......

And then his grandmother died this past weekend. He is leaving tomorrow to drive 1000 miles to be with his parents. I am not going because I have business commitments here that prevent me from going.

He has no business going. Especially since he has not been to see his doctor. Every single visit to his parents results in multiple layers of drama and he certainly does not need that right now.

Nothing I can do.

My sister was here this weekend. She commented that he looks horrible and has gained so much weight. I know. And it doesn't help to have what you already know confirmed by someone who hasn't seen him in months.

Good question a reader asked the good days still outweigh the bad? Should I stay or should I leave? I just don't know.