John sent me a link and said,
http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/publicat/dic-dac99/d20-eng.php
Supports your blog, maybe doctors just dont want to tell diabetics how bad things will become.
This really made me think about a few things going on with hubby.
He has been diagnosed as a type 2 diabetic, BUT.....
1. He is insulin dependent. His pancreas no longer creates any insulin at all. He takes Humulin R U500 which is insulin that is 5 times more concentrated than regular insulin. He was in his early thirties when he was diagnosed. But he did not even start pills until he was 45 years old.
2. He does have a family history of diabetes with his father, grand-father and gr-grand-father all having/had diabetes
3. It would appear that long-term complications are not sorted between type of diabetes. He has cardio/micro/macro/vascular disease, retinopathy, nephropathy, neuropathy, foot problems, hypertension. He has had a heart attack, triple bypass and TMR. His triglycerides are over 1450.
He has microalbuminuria and proteinuria. Kidney function has been as low as 19, it is 30 at the last lab. He has been diagnosed at stage 3-4 kidney disease.
He is not blind, but he has cataracts, has had cornea transplants, has episodes of migraine headaches where he will go blind until he rests.
He has no feeling in his fingers or feet. He cannot grasp a pen or pencil, cannot cut meat. Horrible bouts of pain in different areas. Has had 3 carpel tunnel surgeries in the last 10 years. Obvious gastrointestinal disfunction. ED for at least the last 3 years. Because he has no feeling in his feet, he will not hesitate to walk around barefoot.
takes 4 different prescriptions to control his HBP. He has no dental problems - never even had a filling.
So he crosses the line between a type 1 and a type 2 diabetic. Which is interesting because that is exactly what his doctors have been saying. The kidney guy even said once that his kidney failure is not related to his diabetes - which I do not see at all, they almost have to go hand in hand. But the lab work indicates differently at times. Lately, that doc has stopped saying they are not related, but about 7 years ago he made that comment.
Regardless of how my hubby presents, this is a good article. Thanks for sharing it, John. Whether the person is type 1 or type 2, this is probably a good indication of the direction they are headed with complications.
What we all need to keep in mind is that the medical profession is required/mandated to paint the rosiest picture possible. They are no longer allowed to tell you that your foot might need to be amputated at some point. They can only say positive things to you. I have witnessed that over and over until I finally told hubby's GP that we all needed to talk a little more realistically. And with that permission coming from hubby, he has started doing so. Instead of saying "you are having stomach issues", he now says, "your stomach issues are probably a result of the high glucose attacking the nerves in your stomach and you will continue to have this problem". So at least we have gotten to that arrangement.
I understand the requirements for doctors. Insurance companies will loose patients if the docs are gloom and doom. But if I'm sick, I want my own doc to be straight forward and to the point. Whenever I think she is beating around the bush, I will say to her, "I know you can't tell me directly, but what do you think my chances are of....." and she gets my message and that's when the honest talk begins. Otherwise, I get the standard eat healthy, exercise, go to PT" line. So we have both learned that we have to be very specific and direct about the questions we ask and when they start to beat around the bush, we have to ask very, very pointed questions. With most of hubby's physicians, we now have very honest relationships. They know he is in denial. They know he is depressed. They know he is non-compliant. The problem is that even though they leave phone messages, send him emails, he does not respond to them unless he develops an intolerable issue.
Again, great article. But again, the person who is diabetic can only help themselves. Nondiabetics can provide support, healthy meals, do all the right thing. It's up to the diabetic to follow suit.
DW
Friday, February 17, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
Dear DW,
I can no longer hold back. I found your blog a long time ago. I too had a non compliant D hubby. He was dxd Type 2 at age 33. I was pregnant with our first child. Within the year he was on insulin injections. Six years later when our second son was dxd Type 1 we learned that was actually the type hubby had too. Genetics. Three years later our third son was dxd Type1. AND two years ago, child four, our only daughter, was dxd Type 1.
Would I not have my children had I known? Sure would have! Would I marry my hubs all over, knowing now that we would only have one year of marriage not effected by D? YES!! Do I pray that my sugar babies find someone who helps them? Nightly! Does it stop them or us from doing anything? Heck NO!
Yeah, it takes more planning and Diabetes is a royal pain and full of inconsistencies. Even from person to person. Heat raises one, lowers another.
We have lost a lot of our social life. Is that because of D or having four children? Who knows.
I do know that my hubby and I talk every day. I ask him about his D. He is in charge of his care. I do rescue him more than I care to admit. But, he's real good at thanking me, letting me talk and letting me cry. We take care of the kids together. Everyone has ideal A1c and no complications.
Donna!
Dear Donna,
Everyone has an ideal A!C and no complications? How lucky are you! But if you have read anything in my blog, you know that is not the case in my life. My husband's A1c is 10.5 and there's probably not much about his health that's not a complication right now. If you read the header to my blog, you will know that.
So I'm not sure where you are going? I understand the possibility of having a compliant family. But that is an individual choice my husband made not to do.
And you have just proven my point. 3 of your 4 children are diabetic and what are the chances they will pass it on to their children? And yes, as long as they remain compliant, eat healthy, take care of themselves, they will have a long life.
But what if they dont?
"I do rescue him more than I care to admit".....sort of contradicts "no complications" and "he is in charge of his care".
Whether you want to admit it or not, diabetes has changed your everyday life.
I'm not trying to be mean, just realistic. I'm not saying that diabetics cannot have happy families, I know that they can. This blog is about the reality of what happens to your body, to your life, to your family when you do not take care of your physical self and how diabetic neuropathy causes so many problems. The divorce rate for diabetics with 1 or more children is something like 83%. I'd say you are very blessed!
Continued good success to you and yours!
DW
Saturday, February 11, 2012
From John to Tigo....and more
John said:
For Tigo - Look at his feet! ( I bought a foot water massager for the wife, she does not use it! she already has lost most of the feelings on the bottom of her feet. They are cracked and worn out like someone in their 80's <-- her choice)
The diabetic makes the choice to stay healthy or not, I get the side affects of that choice.
What choices do I have? stay with the side affects and take care of my family? Leave and be a weekend dad hope my young kids know how to give needles? Leave with the kids and have to explain to them why mom died? and even if I did not have kids, do I say " I left my wife because she was too sick, but I am really a good guy!"
The neuropathy is one of the most nasty side affects of being diabetic not only is most of the feeling gone in her feet but it spreads to her hands as well. I don't want to think about her losing bladder control and gases like dw's husband.
Dear John,
Looking at their feet - excellent suggestion. I forget these things. My husband's feet were horribly gnarly when I first met him. When I asked him about it, he said it was his Scottish ancestry. Can you believe that is actually what his doctor at that time told him? So of course, I believed him! Shortly after that he changed health insurance and had a whole new set of doctors who told him it was his gout!!! I am still so shocked about that doctor!!! Plus, as a genealogist, I took his family back to Holland, so he's not Scottish at all! LOL!!!
Your choice is to stay, I already know that. And yes, you should probably teach your children (when they are old enough to learn) how to give their mom an insulin shot if/when she needs one. You are a "really good guy" - whether you stay or leave. We each have to make these decisions on our own....but how is that any different than a diabetic deciding to remain non-compliant and thus injuring us?
I agree, neuropathy is horrible. But my experience with hubby that it gets much worse the longer they have this disease and the higher the A1c goes. I just wish hubby could go back to 5 years ago.....he was so much better then. I really did not know how bad it could get, did I?
DW
More from John:
For DW, I found this link about gas problems. but again it is his choice to make that change to fix that! Which you and me know in our hearts that he will not do!
http://health.msn.com/mens-health/dealing-with-intestinal-gas
maybe you can buy some beano and crush it into his food?...lol.. I do that with the kids for some stuff when they are sick! oh and the 1 time I had to do that for the cat in her food! :)
Dear John,
Glad to see you have a sense of humor! Ha ha!
I looked at that website:
He has given up dairy
He refuses to eat any vegetables, and normally does not eat anything whole grain
If it's got fructose in it, he's most likely not about to give that up
He eats apples, but nothing else on that line. It is the only fruit he eats
Get him to give up starches? Hardly!
Fibers - he does not get enough of that
Proteins - something else he probably will never give up.
He's made those decisions.
#3 is a good possibility except I think they just tested him for this.
#4 - even his physician said it is neuropathy of the intestines.
He's been to a registered dietician numerous times. They always give him a great diet. He never follows it. We have ended up throwing out thousands of dollars worth of food that just spoils in the refrigerator.
He says eating is the only thing he has left in life. He knows the consequences. He told me that he would rather eat what he wants and die earlier than have to give this up as well. And while I understand, it is still heartbreaking.
In the last 2 weeks, we have transitioned to separate bedrooms. He is OK with it and says he is sleeping better because he doesn't wake up worrying about me being awake because of him. And I am now back to sleeping all night long. I think we are both happier. I usually go into his room and sit in the chair next to his bed and watch TV with him until I get sleepy. That seems to be ok with him. But I still am having trouble getting past the thought of not sleeping with my husband! Thanks to Lilly for giving me the strength to do this!
DW
For Tigo - Look at his feet! ( I bought a foot water massager for the wife, she does not use it! she already has lost most of the feelings on the bottom of her feet. They are cracked and worn out like someone in their 80's <-- her choice)
The diabetic makes the choice to stay healthy or not, I get the side affects of that choice.
What choices do I have? stay with the side affects and take care of my family? Leave and be a weekend dad hope my young kids know how to give needles? Leave with the kids and have to explain to them why mom died? and even if I did not have kids, do I say " I left my wife because she was too sick, but I am really a good guy!"
The neuropathy is one of the most nasty side affects of being diabetic not only is most of the feeling gone in her feet but it spreads to her hands as well. I don't want to think about her losing bladder control and gases like dw's husband.
Dear John,
Looking at their feet - excellent suggestion. I forget these things. My husband's feet were horribly gnarly when I first met him. When I asked him about it, he said it was his Scottish ancestry. Can you believe that is actually what his doctor at that time told him? So of course, I believed him! Shortly after that he changed health insurance and had a whole new set of doctors who told him it was his gout!!! I am still so shocked about that doctor!!! Plus, as a genealogist, I took his family back to Holland, so he's not Scottish at all! LOL!!!
Your choice is to stay, I already know that. And yes, you should probably teach your children (when they are old enough to learn) how to give their mom an insulin shot if/when she needs one. You are a "really good guy" - whether you stay or leave. We each have to make these decisions on our own....but how is that any different than a diabetic deciding to remain non-compliant and thus injuring us?
I agree, neuropathy is horrible. But my experience with hubby that it gets much worse the longer they have this disease and the higher the A1c goes. I just wish hubby could go back to 5 years ago.....he was so much better then. I really did not know how bad it could get, did I?
DW
More from John:
For DW, I found this link about gas problems. but again it is his choice to make that change to fix that! Which you and me know in our hearts that he will not do!
http://health.msn.com/mens-health/dealing-with-intestinal-gas
maybe you can buy some beano and crush it into his food?...lol.. I do that with the kids for some stuff when they are sick! oh and the 1 time I had to do that for the cat in her food! :)
Dear John,
Glad to see you have a sense of humor! Ha ha!
I looked at that website:
He has given up dairy
He refuses to eat any vegetables, and normally does not eat anything whole grain
If it's got fructose in it, he's most likely not about to give that up
He eats apples, but nothing else on that line. It is the only fruit he eats
Get him to give up starches? Hardly!
Fibers - he does not get enough of that
Proteins - something else he probably will never give up.
He's made those decisions.
#3 is a good possibility except I think they just tested him for this.
#4 - even his physician said it is neuropathy of the intestines.
He's been to a registered dietician numerous times. They always give him a great diet. He never follows it. We have ended up throwing out thousands of dollars worth of food that just spoils in the refrigerator.
He says eating is the only thing he has left in life. He knows the consequences. He told me that he would rather eat what he wants and die earlier than have to give this up as well. And while I understand, it is still heartbreaking.
In the last 2 weeks, we have transitioned to separate bedrooms. He is OK with it and says he is sleeping better because he doesn't wake up worrying about me being awake because of him. And I am now back to sleeping all night long. I think we are both happier. I usually go into his room and sit in the chair next to his bed and watch TV with him until I get sleepy. That seems to be ok with him. But I still am having trouble getting past the thought of not sleeping with my husband! Thanks to Lilly for giving me the strength to do this!
DW
Friday, February 10, 2012
An interesting email from Tigo
one last thing, you decide if you answer or not, do you regret being married to a diabetic, or do you wish you have listened to your dad, I recall you saying your kids didn't get it, if I knew my kids weren't getting it I would not think about it twice, you have no idea how lucky you are having healthy kids, that's my lifelong dream. Plz answer back, your blog has helped me, he is type one, his dad got it when he was four and my bf at 19, somewhere I read chances of inheritance increase when they were diagnosed before age 11...I dunno..I guess I have a lot of thinking to do.
Dear Tigo,
I think I need to get a few things corrected. This is both our second marriage. We each have 2 children from a prior marriage, none of our own. My oldest son had asthma so severe that his doctors said he would be dead before he was 12. He's still here. My youngest son developed grand mal seizures from DPT shots and he still has them even though he has been on heavy medication since birth. So, I did not have healthy children, but their issues are not related to diabetes.
My husbands daughter has pre-diabetic symptoms including having kidney stones removed surgically almost bi-monthly. She needs to get off dairy and refuses to do so. His son (both kids are adults) lives an extremely healthy lifestyle as he knows he has a good chance of inheriting this disease as his father, grandfather, great and great-great grandfather all have/had diabetes.
In general, I never listened to my own dad about anything until I was in my mid 30s. But my family does not have a close history of diabetes. My dad's dad had siblings who had diabetes, but my grandpa never had it and lived to age 83.
So, do I regret being married to a diabetic? I think my answer would be yes if we had had children together. Why? Well, it's a long story, but the short version is that he was not educated in diabetes when his children were growing up and no one ever explained to them that his outbursts were sugar lows. Today, his adult children will tell you that their father was a very abusive man. They remember him in a rage all the time. And they think it was his personality. I have been trying to re-educate them that it was probably his diabetic lows....but they have a hard time transitioning their thoughts after all these years of growing up with a dad who yelled and screamed at them all the time. His wife left while he was on a business trip and he came home to an open front door and a house with nothing inside of it. I now know why she did that. If she had tried to leave while he was home, he would have gone into what I term a "diabetic rage" and he would have threatened her. He did that to me more than once before I was educated about diabetes. He used to tell people that she left him because she was a lesbian (she had moved in with a girlfriend until she could find a place of her own and has since remarried a nice guy.) Now, if he even starts in on that line of talk, I immediately correct him by stating that she left you because you did not control your diabetes.....and he usually changes the conversation. I do not allow him any excuses with what he did to his past life.
I love him dearly. I do not regret marrying him. I regret that I did not know anything about diabetes before I married him. And I cannot honestly say that if I had been educated, if it would have changed my mind. I am very grateful that we did not have children together because I can see how it has impacted his children. Imagine your daughter needing to have kidney stones removed every other month (horrible pain until they are removed). She has also had to have both ovaries removed due to a pre-diabetic condition called PCOS polycystic ovary syndrome. She will never have her own children and is also being treated for depression. How devastating that must be to her own mom. According to her physician, PCOS is pre-diabetic.
hope that helps a little
DW
Dear Tigo,
I think I need to get a few things corrected. This is both our second marriage. We each have 2 children from a prior marriage, none of our own. My oldest son had asthma so severe that his doctors said he would be dead before he was 12. He's still here. My youngest son developed grand mal seizures from DPT shots and he still has them even though he has been on heavy medication since birth. So, I did not have healthy children, but their issues are not related to diabetes.
My husbands daughter has pre-diabetic symptoms including having kidney stones removed surgically almost bi-monthly. She needs to get off dairy and refuses to do so. His son (both kids are adults) lives an extremely healthy lifestyle as he knows he has a good chance of inheriting this disease as his father, grandfather, great and great-great grandfather all have/had diabetes.
In general, I never listened to my own dad about anything until I was in my mid 30s. But my family does not have a close history of diabetes. My dad's dad had siblings who had diabetes, but my grandpa never had it and lived to age 83.
So, do I regret being married to a diabetic? I think my answer would be yes if we had had children together. Why? Well, it's a long story, but the short version is that he was not educated in diabetes when his children were growing up and no one ever explained to them that his outbursts were sugar lows. Today, his adult children will tell you that their father was a very abusive man. They remember him in a rage all the time. And they think it was his personality. I have been trying to re-educate them that it was probably his diabetic lows....but they have a hard time transitioning their thoughts after all these years of growing up with a dad who yelled and screamed at them all the time. His wife left while he was on a business trip and he came home to an open front door and a house with nothing inside of it. I now know why she did that. If she had tried to leave while he was home, he would have gone into what I term a "diabetic rage" and he would have threatened her. He did that to me more than once before I was educated about diabetes. He used to tell people that she left him because she was a lesbian (she had moved in with a girlfriend until she could find a place of her own and has since remarried a nice guy.) Now, if he even starts in on that line of talk, I immediately correct him by stating that she left you because you did not control your diabetes.....and he usually changes the conversation. I do not allow him any excuses with what he did to his past life.
I love him dearly. I do not regret marrying him. I regret that I did not know anything about diabetes before I married him. And I cannot honestly say that if I had been educated, if it would have changed my mind. I am very grateful that we did not have children together because I can see how it has impacted his children. Imagine your daughter needing to have kidney stones removed every other month (horrible pain until they are removed). She has also had to have both ovaries removed due to a pre-diabetic condition called PCOS polycystic ovary syndrome. She will never have her own children and is also being treated for depression. How devastating that must be to her own mom. According to her physician, PCOS is pre-diabetic.
hope that helps a little
DW
Thursday, February 09, 2012
Wednesday, February 08, 2012
To those with diabetes....you still don't get it, do you?
First, take your glucose before you read this. Because if you are high or low, you won't even begin to understand what it is I am trying to say to you.
Then take it again when you are done reading and take it 30 minutes later because if you are on the verge of a glucose change, you won't understand this either.
Let me first start by explaining something that happened Sunday. We have an annual superbowl party where all of my husband's staff flies in from all over the country. We did not have it last year because hubby was having his spinal stenosis surgery, so it's been 2 years. Many of the local spouses and kids join us for the party each year.
One of the local wives pulled me aside to ask how he was doing. I said that he was fine other than the fact that he only had one lab result that was normal in this last panel. She looked so shocked and said, what's wrong? I said, well his A1c is 10.5 and this triglycerides are over 1400. She said, "what is causing all this?" And I said, "you do know that he has diabetes, don't you?" She was completely taken aback, so I said, "does your husband (my hubby's employee) know that he is diabetic?" and she said "No!"
Other than my family and 2 friends, I'm not sure anyone else knows that he is diabetic. I do not mention it to anyone. That's why I have this blog.....in order to vent.
I am probably my husband's biggest fan. If he goes low when we are with someone else, I tell our friends that I am feeling ill and we probably need to go home." They think I have a ton of food allergies and stomach problems. They have no clue that he is diabetic and that I can tell from the way he is acting that we need to get him something to eat, or get him some glucose tabs.
So here's my point, if I can cover this so well (and he can as well), to the extent that an employee who has worked for him for the last 10 years has no idea that he is diabetic.....how do you know that your spouse is not the exact same way???
How do you know that they are not 100% supportive when they are around you, yet harbor the same emotions that I have.....they just never show this side to you?
Have you given that any thought?
My hubby has no idea I have this blog. He has no idea how much I despise this disease or what it has done to my own personal life. He knows how much I love him. And there is no reason for him to know, see, hear my anger. It would probably put him in a depression. But because I can vent here, I can leave it here and provide him with the loving, supportive wife that he needs. I can stay with him and not leave.
He simply has no clue. So why on earth do you think your spouse doesn't have the same feelings that I have and can hide them from you as well as I do? When my hubby asks me how I feel about his diabetes (and he has done so in the past), I simply tell him that I raised 2 very sick kids and that's how God prepared me for this. And yes, that part is 100% true....and hubby is very satisfied with that answer.
So, don't send me your comments that tell me there are others who don't feel the way I do....because you will probably NEVER know your spouse's feelings. I'm talking about the spouse who does not have diabetes, that loves you to pieces, but hates this disease and all it's ramifications to their lives as much as I do.
I won't post those comments. Why? Because I know that if you have diabetes, you have absolutely, positively no way of knowing what your spouse feels.....because they can hide it just as well as I hide my feelings from my diabetic husband.
And feel free to get mad at me. It's better than taking your denial out on your own spouse!!! Write all the nasty comments you care to send me.....but in them, please prove to me how you know that your spouse doesn't have a hidden blog, journal, online notebook where they write their own feelings, fears, worries and concerns so that in turn, they can be a loving, supportive, appreciative spouse that you perceive them to be. I know for a fact that my own husband would swear that I don't.
But I do!
And don't bother to ask your spouse if they have a journal because they will tell you that they don't. They are not about to want to get into an argument with you about what they write. Just let them have this one thing to keep private!!!
Did you see the video of cops beating up a motorist who was in diabetic caused shock?
about the Henderson NV cops who beat up a diabetic that was going low. It is just the worst thing ever. And I totally agree that law enforcement, school teachers, public servants all need to be trained in symptoms of hypoglycemia. And I do not think that the settlement is anywhere near as much as it should be.
Most other articles about this incident left out this part that's in this article:
Symptoms of hypoglycemia include shakiness, dizziness, hunger, pale skin, moodiness, aggressive behavior, loss of consciousness and even seizures.
If you are the diabetic and you have had a hypoglycemic incident, have you ever followed-up by asking your spouse if you presented any of these symptoms? Have you ever asked them what their thoughts were about your moodiness or aggressive behavior? And if you are the type of diabetic that has a regular low in the morning and evening....do you ask them how this impacts their life on a daily basis?
And if you have done this, then ask yourself how you know they don't have a personal diary somewhere that they write down something other than what they tell you?
As spouses, we have to be supportive of the diabetic in our lives. But by being supportive, we often do not confess our true feelings to the diabetic because we know it will put them in a depression, in a bad mood, or cause a fight. And it's just easier not to rock the boat.
If you have lows and/or highs on a regular basis, ask yourself how this impacts your spouse's life? Trust me, they have learned the same behavior that I have. It is easier to just smile and pick up the pieces and go on with life than to say/do anything that might cause you to be more depressed than you normally are, to cause you to get into a fight/argument/tantrum with me.
But I have also learned that if I keep it all bottled up inside of me, something is going to explode with my own body from all the stress of not being able to vent about how much you have changed my life. Therefore, I and other spouses are learning to blog.
Finally.....if you still swear this is not how your spouse is, at least pay attention to my blog because they may well be here one day in the future. And if they start having physical problems, you might suggest they read this particular blog as their illness might well be the result of not expressing their true feelings about your diabetes. Just food for thought!
DW
Then take it again when you are done reading and take it 30 minutes later because if you are on the verge of a glucose change, you won't understand this either.
Let me first start by explaining something that happened Sunday. We have an annual superbowl party where all of my husband's staff flies in from all over the country. We did not have it last year because hubby was having his spinal stenosis surgery, so it's been 2 years. Many of the local spouses and kids join us for the party each year.
One of the local wives pulled me aside to ask how he was doing. I said that he was fine other than the fact that he only had one lab result that was normal in this last panel. She looked so shocked and said, what's wrong? I said, well his A1c is 10.5 and this triglycerides are over 1400. She said, "what is causing all this?" And I said, "you do know that he has diabetes, don't you?" She was completely taken aback, so I said, "does your husband (my hubby's employee) know that he is diabetic?" and she said "No!"
Other than my family and 2 friends, I'm not sure anyone else knows that he is diabetic. I do not mention it to anyone. That's why I have this blog.....in order to vent.
I am probably my husband's biggest fan. If he goes low when we are with someone else, I tell our friends that I am feeling ill and we probably need to go home." They think I have a ton of food allergies and stomach problems. They have no clue that he is diabetic and that I can tell from the way he is acting that we need to get him something to eat, or get him some glucose tabs.
So here's my point, if I can cover this so well (and he can as well), to the extent that an employee who has worked for him for the last 10 years has no idea that he is diabetic.....how do you know that your spouse is not the exact same way???
How do you know that they are not 100% supportive when they are around you, yet harbor the same emotions that I have.....they just never show this side to you?
Have you given that any thought?
My hubby has no idea I have this blog. He has no idea how much I despise this disease or what it has done to my own personal life. He knows how much I love him. And there is no reason for him to know, see, hear my anger. It would probably put him in a depression. But because I can vent here, I can leave it here and provide him with the loving, supportive wife that he needs. I can stay with him and not leave.
He simply has no clue. So why on earth do you think your spouse doesn't have the same feelings that I have and can hide them from you as well as I do? When my hubby asks me how I feel about his diabetes (and he has done so in the past), I simply tell him that I raised 2 very sick kids and that's how God prepared me for this. And yes, that part is 100% true....and hubby is very satisfied with that answer.
So, don't send me your comments that tell me there are others who don't feel the way I do....because you will probably NEVER know your spouse's feelings. I'm talking about the spouse who does not have diabetes, that loves you to pieces, but hates this disease and all it's ramifications to their lives as much as I do.
I won't post those comments. Why? Because I know that if you have diabetes, you have absolutely, positively no way of knowing what your spouse feels.....because they can hide it just as well as I hide my feelings from my diabetic husband.
And feel free to get mad at me. It's better than taking your denial out on your own spouse!!! Write all the nasty comments you care to send me.....but in them, please prove to me how you know that your spouse doesn't have a hidden blog, journal, online notebook where they write their own feelings, fears, worries and concerns so that in turn, they can be a loving, supportive, appreciative spouse that you perceive them to be. I know for a fact that my own husband would swear that I don't.
But I do!
And don't bother to ask your spouse if they have a journal because they will tell you that they don't. They are not about to want to get into an argument with you about what they write. Just let them have this one thing to keep private!!!
Did you see the video of cops beating up a motorist who was in diabetic caused shock?
about the Henderson NV cops who beat up a diabetic that was going low. It is just the worst thing ever. And I totally agree that law enforcement, school teachers, public servants all need to be trained in symptoms of hypoglycemia. And I do not think that the settlement is anywhere near as much as it should be.
Most other articles about this incident left out this part that's in this article:
Symptoms of hypoglycemia include shakiness, dizziness, hunger, pale skin, moodiness, aggressive behavior, loss of consciousness and even seizures.
If you are the diabetic and you have had a hypoglycemic incident, have you ever followed-up by asking your spouse if you presented any of these symptoms? Have you ever asked them what their thoughts were about your moodiness or aggressive behavior? And if you are the type of diabetic that has a regular low in the morning and evening....do you ask them how this impacts their life on a daily basis?
And if you have done this, then ask yourself how you know they don't have a personal diary somewhere that they write down something other than what they tell you?
As spouses, we have to be supportive of the diabetic in our lives. But by being supportive, we often do not confess our true feelings to the diabetic because we know it will put them in a depression, in a bad mood, or cause a fight. And it's just easier not to rock the boat.
If you have lows and/or highs on a regular basis, ask yourself how this impacts your spouse's life? Trust me, they have learned the same behavior that I have. It is easier to just smile and pick up the pieces and go on with life than to say/do anything that might cause you to be more depressed than you normally are, to cause you to get into a fight/argument/tantrum with me.
But I have also learned that if I keep it all bottled up inside of me, something is going to explode with my own body from all the stress of not being able to vent about how much you have changed my life. Therefore, I and other spouses are learning to blog.
Finally.....if you still swear this is not how your spouse is, at least pay attention to my blog because they may well be here one day in the future. And if they start having physical problems, you might suggest they read this particular blog as their illness might well be the result of not expressing their true feelings about your diabetes. Just food for thought!
DW
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
A letter from Tigo
Dear DW
Hello! Thank God I found your blog, you have no idea how I wish I could talk to someone who understands, not only understands but knows exactly how I feel. I have met this amazing handsome guy, he is 34 and I am 28. He is diabetic, diagnosed at the age of 19, applies 4 shots a day. We have been going out for two months but we already feel very connected. At our age we talk about a future together. At first I was really excited at finding someone so special, but when my dad met him, he told me the consequences of being with a diabetic and how this could be inherited to my kids. It has kept me worried, and crying all the time, I wish I could ignore diabetes, but I can't, firstly, I am worried my kids might get it, and secondly, all of the things posted on your blog are shocking, I am reaaaally into him, but my doubts keep coming and coming....I just wanted to tell you how I feel, my relationship is bitter sweet, and I can't imagine what my married life would be...any words of wisdom or hope are helpful...I will pray for you and your significant others..thanks for the opportunity.
Dear Tigo,
I think you know the answer to your question, but since you asked, here's what I think.
You are both young. But if he is taking 4 shots a day, his diabetes must be progressing at a pretty healthy rate. Does he eat healthy? Does he count carbs? Does he keep to a regular schedule of eating and taking his shots? Does he test before and after meals? In other words, is he compliant?
When I was your age, I did not listen to my dad. ha ha! But I've since learned just how smart he was. Your dad is correct in that there is a possibility your children could inherit diabetes. My husband's father, grandfather and great grandfather all have/had diabetes. But my husband's brother does not have it. There is no way to tell who will and will not inherit it.
No, you can't ignore diabetes. You probably need to go with your gut instinct which I think is telling you to run. You might want to get counseling and get as much education as you can on diabetes before you run or stay. Education is always a good thing. It has really helped me. Counseling has been good. You won't find a counselor who is a pro on diabetes (at least I haven't found one yet), but some of their suggestions are good and do work. Some are rubbish, of course! :o) You have to decide what does and doesn't work for you, but that is the same with any issue you seek counseling on.
What you do need to be acutely aware of is the fact that your children could end up with diabetes. And that you could have to carry insulin, needles, glucose tabs and more with you everywhere you go. If your husband first acquired diabetes at age 19, I don't know if it is type 1 or 2. If type 1, your children could get it at a much earlier age.
The other issue is his progression. If he is now at 4 shots per day, how long before he will go to the concentrated type insulin or to a pump? And how long before neuropathy sets in.
Tough choices my dear. Love IS blind, but I hope you will at least seek education and learn as much as you can before you move ahead either direction. Most hospitals and health insurance plans offer free classes or you can google and find them locally.
Write back and keep us posted as to how you are doing. Hugs,
DW
Hello! Thank God I found your blog, you have no idea how I wish I could talk to someone who understands, not only understands but knows exactly how I feel. I have met this amazing handsome guy, he is 34 and I am 28. He is diabetic, diagnosed at the age of 19, applies 4 shots a day. We have been going out for two months but we already feel very connected. At our age we talk about a future together. At first I was really excited at finding someone so special, but when my dad met him, he told me the consequences of being with a diabetic and how this could be inherited to my kids. It has kept me worried, and crying all the time, I wish I could ignore diabetes, but I can't, firstly, I am worried my kids might get it, and secondly, all of the things posted on your blog are shocking, I am reaaaally into him, but my doubts keep coming and coming....I just wanted to tell you how I feel, my relationship is bitter sweet, and I can't imagine what my married life would be...any words of wisdom or hope are helpful...I will pray for you and your significant others..thanks for the opportunity.
Dear Tigo,
I think you know the answer to your question, but since you asked, here's what I think.
You are both young. But if he is taking 4 shots a day, his diabetes must be progressing at a pretty healthy rate. Does he eat healthy? Does he count carbs? Does he keep to a regular schedule of eating and taking his shots? Does he test before and after meals? In other words, is he compliant?
When I was your age, I did not listen to my dad. ha ha! But I've since learned just how smart he was. Your dad is correct in that there is a possibility your children could inherit diabetes. My husband's father, grandfather and great grandfather all have/had diabetes. But my husband's brother does not have it. There is no way to tell who will and will not inherit it.
No, you can't ignore diabetes. You probably need to go with your gut instinct which I think is telling you to run. You might want to get counseling and get as much education as you can on diabetes before you run or stay. Education is always a good thing. It has really helped me. Counseling has been good. You won't find a counselor who is a pro on diabetes (at least I haven't found one yet), but some of their suggestions are good and do work. Some are rubbish, of course! :o) You have to decide what does and doesn't work for you, but that is the same with any issue you seek counseling on.
What you do need to be acutely aware of is the fact that your children could end up with diabetes. And that you could have to carry insulin, needles, glucose tabs and more with you everywhere you go. If your husband first acquired diabetes at age 19, I don't know if it is type 1 or 2. If type 1, your children could get it at a much earlier age.
The other issue is his progression. If he is now at 4 shots per day, how long before he will go to the concentrated type insulin or to a pump? And how long before neuropathy sets in.
Tough choices my dear. Love IS blind, but I hope you will at least seek education and learn as much as you can before you move ahead either direction. Most hospitals and health insurance plans offer free classes or you can google and find them locally.
Write back and keep us posted as to how you are doing. Hugs,
DW
a reply from batgirlnj
What I find so touching about your post and John's post is that you mention being a normal diabetes caregiver for your partners. Even when I was non-compliant my husband never allowed himself to be my 'caregiver'. As long as I am physically functioning and there are no other issues like you have had to deal with, then there is no reason for anyone other than myself to care..for myself.
Other than complications, diabetes should not affect your lifestyle in many other ways. There is nothing that I depend on him to do for me. I should say that I am 44 years old, so that might make a difference, however I cannot imagine my husband needing to change even an iota of his lifestyle to take care of ANY of my diabetic needs.
If I did not tell you that I was diabetic you would have no idea. Our relationship is one of married 'partners' and definitely not one of my dependence on him. He did go to the diabetes classes given at our local hospital so that he would understand the disease better, and what is going on in my body, my feelings, my actions, and what he can do in case once in a blue moon, I was incapacitated and he would need to administer a needle or something else.
John mentioned that he has only found support groups out there and that's all that there should really be. In my opinion there shouldn't be groups for partners as caregivers, because most diabetics shouldn't ask their partners to be their 'caregivers'. But, I guess this all ties into the denial by the patient.
Dear batgirlnj
Are you saying that you don't depend on your husband to get you orange juice or a glucose tab when you go low? How do you manage that? Or have you never slipped into a coma?
I think that's the problem. When you have diabetes as long as my hubby has had it and have been non-compliant the whole time, there are bound to be other issues. I'm not a caregiver for his normal diabetes. He handles that just fine. But when he had a heart attack in 2009....for the next year, I ran up and down stairs, carried things, etc. He had his bypasses in 2010.....and because of the stenosis in his back and that surgery in 2011....I basically did lifting, driving, schlepping, laundry, cooking....everything for him for the last 3 years. He still cannot lift more than 35 pounds and at my age, I can barely lift that.
Very few people know that hubby had bypass surgery. Just close friends and family. But more know about his back surgery. Primarily because of the way he walks.
So, while these other issues are not diabetes....they are brought on by neuropathy. When nerve endings die, when you don't control what you eat and your cholesterol is sky high....all of hubby's problems are secondary to his diabetes. And yes, he might have them even if he didn't have diabetes....but the chances that he has them at his age are higher because he does not control his diabetes.
And now with neuropathy of the intestines.....I'm running around the house making sure all the plug in fresheners are full, that each room has a can of spray.....LOL!!!
He did not have any of these problems at age 44. And if you develop any of them, I'm sure your hubby will have to increase his workload. When your doc says that you cannot lift anything over 5 pounds, or that you cannot walk more than 20 feet, or that you cannot do stairs more than 1 time a day.....someone else is going to have to take care of those types of things that you are not allowed to do. And that will probably fall on your husband.
I don't think diabetics ask their partner to take care of them. I think it just happens. There are support groups for caregivers. Just not specific to diabetes. But plenty of support groups for caregivers to people with cancer, altzheimers, elderly, etc. And you may well be 1 in a million because I have received so many emails over the years from diabetics who tell me that it is my "job" to care for my husband, even to give him his insulin shots if he needs that done. I think the spectrum of thought on this goes from one end of the earth to the other!
I think there should be support groups for diabetic caregivers. OK, caregivers to non-compliant diabetics. I could use fresh ideas on how to get him to call his doctor when he is vomiting for 3 days at a time and I know that his kidney meds need to be adjusted....but he won't agree.
I need new ideas on what to do with the horrid smells coming from the neuropathy in his stomach.
I need new thoughts on how to take a break to revive myself when my back is on fire from carrying all the heavy groceries into the house because he can't life.
I need to hear from other spouses and know that I am not alone. And I think that is what John is looking for.
I do feel that my husband and I are a team. I step in and do things when needed. I try to let him do as much as he can. But he is under so many different physicians and has so many different "orders" and is so limited as to what he can do physically - that I have to do things for him. And because he is non-compliant, that increases the occasions when he goes low....and when he is low and non-functioning, I "have" to get him orange juice, glucose tabs, something to get him back into this world.
One final thought. Hubby has parkinsons brought on by neuropathy from his diabetes. He shakes his hands so ad that a knife and fork will jump out of his hands. He has taken to ordering sandwiches when we eat out so that he doesn't need utensils. Every now and then, he just want's a good steak. And I will happily cut it up for him. Some people see that as love. Others see it as an added workload. To me it's part of being a married couple. But in reality.....if you look at it literally.....he is depending on me to cut up his meat so he can eat. And he would not have this problem at this age if he controlled his glucose.
Again, your husband is very lucky that you can handle all this on your own. Mine can't.
DW
Other than complications, diabetes should not affect your lifestyle in many other ways. There is nothing that I depend on him to do for me. I should say that I am 44 years old, so that might make a difference, however I cannot imagine my husband needing to change even an iota of his lifestyle to take care of ANY of my diabetic needs.
If I did not tell you that I was diabetic you would have no idea. Our relationship is one of married 'partners' and definitely not one of my dependence on him. He did go to the diabetes classes given at our local hospital so that he would understand the disease better, and what is going on in my body, my feelings, my actions, and what he can do in case once in a blue moon, I was incapacitated and he would need to administer a needle or something else.
John mentioned that he has only found support groups out there and that's all that there should really be. In my opinion there shouldn't be groups for partners as caregivers, because most diabetics shouldn't ask their partners to be their 'caregivers'. But, I guess this all ties into the denial by the patient.
Dear batgirlnj
Are you saying that you don't depend on your husband to get you orange juice or a glucose tab when you go low? How do you manage that? Or have you never slipped into a coma?
I think that's the problem. When you have diabetes as long as my hubby has had it and have been non-compliant the whole time, there are bound to be other issues. I'm not a caregiver for his normal diabetes. He handles that just fine. But when he had a heart attack in 2009....for the next year, I ran up and down stairs, carried things, etc. He had his bypasses in 2010.....and because of the stenosis in his back and that surgery in 2011....I basically did lifting, driving, schlepping, laundry, cooking....everything for him for the last 3 years. He still cannot lift more than 35 pounds and at my age, I can barely lift that.
Very few people know that hubby had bypass surgery. Just close friends and family. But more know about his back surgery. Primarily because of the way he walks.
So, while these other issues are not diabetes....they are brought on by neuropathy. When nerve endings die, when you don't control what you eat and your cholesterol is sky high....all of hubby's problems are secondary to his diabetes. And yes, he might have them even if he didn't have diabetes....but the chances that he has them at his age are higher because he does not control his diabetes.
And now with neuropathy of the intestines.....I'm running around the house making sure all the plug in fresheners are full, that each room has a can of spray.....LOL!!!
He did not have any of these problems at age 44. And if you develop any of them, I'm sure your hubby will have to increase his workload. When your doc says that you cannot lift anything over 5 pounds, or that you cannot walk more than 20 feet, or that you cannot do stairs more than 1 time a day.....someone else is going to have to take care of those types of things that you are not allowed to do. And that will probably fall on your husband.
I don't think diabetics ask their partner to take care of them. I think it just happens. There are support groups for caregivers. Just not specific to diabetes. But plenty of support groups for caregivers to people with cancer, altzheimers, elderly, etc. And you may well be 1 in a million because I have received so many emails over the years from diabetics who tell me that it is my "job" to care for my husband, even to give him his insulin shots if he needs that done. I think the spectrum of thought on this goes from one end of the earth to the other!
I think there should be support groups for diabetic caregivers. OK, caregivers to non-compliant diabetics. I could use fresh ideas on how to get him to call his doctor when he is vomiting for 3 days at a time and I know that his kidney meds need to be adjusted....but he won't agree.
I need new ideas on what to do with the horrid smells coming from the neuropathy in his stomach.
I need new thoughts on how to take a break to revive myself when my back is on fire from carrying all the heavy groceries into the house because he can't life.
I need to hear from other spouses and know that I am not alone. And I think that is what John is looking for.
I do feel that my husband and I are a team. I step in and do things when needed. I try to let him do as much as he can. But he is under so many different physicians and has so many different "orders" and is so limited as to what he can do physically - that I have to do things for him. And because he is non-compliant, that increases the occasions when he goes low....and when he is low and non-functioning, I "have" to get him orange juice, glucose tabs, something to get him back into this world.
One final thought. Hubby has parkinsons brought on by neuropathy from his diabetes. He shakes his hands so ad that a knife and fork will jump out of his hands. He has taken to ordering sandwiches when we eat out so that he doesn't need utensils. Every now and then, he just want's a good steak. And I will happily cut it up for him. Some people see that as love. Others see it as an added workload. To me it's part of being a married couple. But in reality.....if you look at it literally.....he is depending on me to cut up his meat so he can eat. And he would not have this problem at this age if he controlled his glucose.
Again, your husband is very lucky that you can handle all this on your own. Mine can't.
DW
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