Saturday, June 19, 2010


Lab results came back the same, so that is good. While labs aren't "good" by normal standards, it is good that they haven't changed/gotten worse. He is attempting to do the physical therapy for his back, but the exercises are so painful, he gets nauseated. Then he doesn't eat. Then his glucose drops. I'm not sure it's worth doing them over. He contacted the neurosurgeon's office and they told him to keep doing them, regardless of the pain. So rather than every day, was do them together, then wait 2 days and do them again. Takes that long for the pain to subside.

So, with all this pain, he is getting rather depressed and cranky. He's less and less interested in doing anything. Wants to eat what he wants. And I feel so sorry for him because I know if I were in so much pain I got sick to my stomach - I'd give up on everything else.

But beyond that, we are maintaining. It seems like we are growing closer to each other through all this. He seems to (for the first time) be caring about what my emotions and needs are. I think we both have agreed that we don't know what to do about his back and the pain.

His daughter came down for Father's Day weekend and he is enjoying her company. Good diversion for him.


Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Is life good, or am I just numb?

LOL! I think I'm just numb. But I do get tired of posting the same thing over and over. His heart is mending. He is not exercising. He's quit testing his sugar 8 times a day. He's back to eating the same old crap.

And I'm back to being numb about it all. I just don't care. Surgery drained me. I need more time to recover. My therapy - gardening. I hate it....but it's something to occupy my time and since it's summer - it's good. Plus, it gets me out of the house 3 hours a day and away from all this.

Just tired of it

He has done the PT for his back 1 time in the last 2 weeks and says it causes him too much pain to do it. But he won't call the doctor and tell him that the PT is increasing his back pain.

Yet as long as he doesn't yell at me over stupid stuff, as long as I don't see the result of sugar lows....I'm good. I can live like this I know, I know - he could drop dead any second...but then we all can. I wish he would change. I pray every day that he will change. But he hasn't and he won't. Not even a triple bypass with a TMR woke this guy up for good....just for a few weeks.

Life goes on and overall, it's all good at the moment.