Saturday, May 09, 2015

Since my last post in February, I have come home, gone on a month long vacation with my sisters, gone back and spent 3 weeks with hubby and now we are both home for 3 weeks as he needs a break from taking care of his dad.  Until yesterday, things had gone great.  The plans are to spend a couple more weeks here, then go back to his dad's where I will spend a couple of weeks, then I'll head home for the summer.

What happened yesterday.  For the past few days, there have been horrible smells coming from his room whenever he opens the door.  I assumed it was our aging dog.  So I started on a mission with the black light to find where she had peed on the carpet.  I set out a can of freshener stuff, sprayed other products on the carpet....things I have done forever in the past.  In the back of my mind I kept thinking that this was not the smell of dog urine, but something I had experienced before and I was truly puzzled.

Last night, the smell was so bad I wanted to vomit.  So I asked hubby if he knew what it could be.  I told him it was making me sick and that today I would get a rug doctor and clean the carpets.  Me- still thinking it was our dog.

A couple of hours later, he comes into my bedroom and says, "the smells are all me.  I will pack up and drive back to dad's tomorrow and figure out how to get your car back to you."  I said, "what do you mean the smells are all you?"  (I was truly shocked by his statement as that thought had never crossed my mind!)  He said, I ate cheese and it is not agreeing with me.  You said that I am making you sick, so I will leave.

I almost wanted to burst out laughing.....or scream my head off.  Nowhere had I EVER said (or even thought) that "he" was making me sick.  I thought it was the dog!  And then is martyrdom....oh my goodness....that he is going to pack up, drive back to his dad's, leave me here without a vehicle....

I said, "stop being such a martyr!"  To which he stomped off to his room!  OK, isn't martyr the right term?  I found this definition online:  someone who is making a big deal out of their own work or suffering.

Again, I thought it was the dog!

And then my brain kicks in.  Remember - he's been gone for almost 3 years and I haven't had to deal with anything diabetic.....ketoacidosis.  That's the smell.  He had it horrible after his back surgery when his kidneys failed and he was on dialysis, and it's the very same smell.  Kidney failure.  And with all the neuropathy, he probably doesn't smell it at all.  If you haven't experienced it - it's a sweet acidic type smell and when it gets bad, it's nauseating.  

He's still in bed and I'm sure when he does wake up, he will be all apologetic and tell me how sorry he is and then he will do things to eliminate the odor.  It's always the pattern.  If it's anything different, I will post again.  But my memory recall is flooding back and I realize what an amazing gift I've had to be free of these "temper tantrums" - ok, highs and lows - for the last 3 years.  That being said, I also am fully aware of how exhausted he is from taking care of his father who is also a diabetic.

I may be a horrible person, but I'm going to say it again - this is NOT my disease.  Yet a diabetic produces all these side effects that a spouse must deal with.  ESRD is not pretty.  It is not pleasant.  I don't care how much you love a person, ketoacidosis is rank and can make you puke!  Well, at least make you dry heave which is also not pleasant!  The fact that he can't smell it is shocking.

Going to relax a bit before the "day" begins!