Saturday, October 03, 2009

Lisa wrote:

I would love to hear if you feel as lonely and isolated as I do at times. I always feel I am trying deal with his insecurity. In many ways he does not feel like the man he was.. becoming more and more dependant on me. We do not have children, so it is pretty much all on me. He is a little older than I am. I am still a vital woman. In some ways I feel cheated. I do not want to feel sorry for myself, just can't complain to him. Feels good to at least express this without being judged. Lisa

Trust me, I know exactly how you feel. So, shall we start the discussion on sex? There are numerous reasons for men to become impotent as they age. Some are just natural. But medications for high blood pressure and gout can often speed up that process. My husband is on them as well as meds for an enlarged prostate. I don't think he's had an erection in 3 years. At first I thought I would die. I tried everything in the book. Then I realized that it was upsetting him that he couldn't please me. Well, we have certainly learned that there are a number of ways to please each other and are back on track in that department.....but it does take work on both sides. He doesn't get the "urge" very often any more. I miss that. But at the same time I don't want to make him any more depressed than what he is.

I tell myself If I were a widow.....I wouldn't even have his company, so I am happy with that these days.

As far as being lonely and isolated....I went to a counselor and she politely told me to "get a life". So I did! She said to volunteer, go back to school, get a job, do anything. I took up art and offer classes and workshops, teach at different places around the country so I get to travel just about as much as I want, and have developed a pretty good "career" doing something that I love. I ususally have other women in the house 2 - 4 days a week. I'm hosting a huge retreat real soon and haven't had a second to be lonely in awhile! In fact, guest artists start arriving tomorrow and will be here for the next 3 weeks - different aritsts, not the same ones...but it will be great fun and get my mind off everything else.

I might not be around here too much as there's going to be all kinds of events going on....including 18 of us going off to see the musical - Menopause! Should be a hoot!

I always recommend therapy. I'm good to chat with, but I think professionals can really offer some great ideas when I'm in a bind.

Life is hectic

I'm getting ready to host an art retreat for about 30 women.....and my life is a zoo. Fortunatley, hubby is doing well. Sort of. He is in an incredible amount of pain. Most of it is his back (which I think is his kidneys.) He won't go to the doctor, so not much I can do for him. But over all, life is good. And we know the moment I say will blow up in my face again! LOL!

Lisa wrote:

So glad I found this blog. Nice to feel I am not alone and going crazy. My husband has diabetic retinopathy..lost some sight. It has resticted driving and work. Much more pressure on me. He is not dealing emotionally. I do not know how to deal with it either. Good to at least express my fears without feeling selfish. Lisa

I feel your pain, my dear. I don't think any of us really know how to "deal" with it.....we just manage to survive from one crisis to the next. I like to tell myself that I handle it so well....but I know that I don't. I think my greatest comfort are the comments on this blog....constantly reminding me that I'm not alone....knowing that even in the worst of worst's simply a roller coaster and I'll soon be back on top of my life. I live for the good times and try my best to make it through the bad times! :o)

Tom's wife wrote

Fascinating. Tom was low. He was going to drive somewhere and I commented that he had better test first. He complied and reported that he was 190. I I said I didn't believe him but he turned and walked into the garage anyway. I assumed he got in the car and drove away. I sat there and waited for the call from the police -- knowing there was nothing I could do.

About fifteen minutes later, I was on the phone with my sister, telling her that Tom should be at her house by now when he walked in the door. He was fine and hadn't gone anywhere. He got a piece of candy out of the car and pulled some weeds out of the grass.

Geez, I was relieved but why does he put me through this?

Well, it's 2:30 am here and I'm still wide awake. Why? I just don't think I can stand going into the bedroom right now. The constnat buzz from his cpap machine reminds me of what my life really is. I have moments when I think I live in a "walking pharmacy" - soooooo many meds in this house. When I get upset....I just want to throw them al into the trash. But I know that's not really a good idea! I go through phases like "death by fat" - let's just feed him 10 bags of potato chips in one meal! or "death by chocolate" - let's go to the bakey and buy everything in the case for him! I think those are my "I give up" phases!

But most of all, I think the reason I don't want to go to bed tonight is that the "is he breathing or not" phase has just about worn me out. If he doesnt get up at 7:00 am when the alarm goes off.....I have to check on him. If I wake up in the middle o fthe night and don't hear the in/out rythm of his cpap....I have to look to see if his body is moving as he breathes. And I find that as his condition anxiety increases. And I end up doing a whole lot of self-talk!

I guess what I'm saying is that I still haven't figured out how to not worry.....and yes, I wonder why he puts me through all this...but I honestly don't think he has a clue. And it's the same old quandry. If I tell him what he did, he denies it....because he was in a low and doesn't remember it at all.

Maybe I just need a full time permanent live-in witness! LOLOL!

Sunday, September 27, 2009

not eating - has to be low

Some days, I wonder what he thinks. It's Sunday. He did not eat a thing until 4 pm. He got mad at me about 11 am. And he has given me the complete "silent treatment."

So, I know that he was in a low when he got mad and stayed there because he still did not eat. I'm not worried about it at all and am actually enjoying the "silent treatment" as he has gone up to the bedroom and has been watching TV all day long. He came downstairs about 4 pm and got a bag of potato chips and went back upstairs.

I think I'll just sleep on the sofa tonight and leave him to his own misery. At his age, he certainly knows better than to go all day without eating.