Friday, September 24, 2010

The wound is better!

Ahhhh....the roller coaster ride - again.

The wound is better.  It appears to be healing.  While it still looks horrible, I can see it closing.  I can also tell it will be a lengthy process.

He did the extra 5 sets of xrays on his back.

The neurosurgeon is out on vacation for 2 we wait.

Always a rollercoaster.

2 days ago he said he wanted to go to the movies on Saturday night.  We even picked out the time/movie to go see. I remember saying, "I thought we weren't going out to the movies anymore."  He replied, "It's your birthday, I thought we'd do something nice".  (birthday is not for another week, but I was happy he wanted to go out)

I went to lunch with a pal today and when I came home, I asked what time we were going to leave to go out.

He looked at me like I was crazy and he said, "go out where?"

I said that I thought we were going to the movies

He said he never said that.

I reminded him of the movie he had said he wanted to go see and the time.

He said, "I asked you IF we went to the movies, what would we go see."

I told him that his implication was that we were going to the movies on Friday night.

He got mad and started yelling at me that he had the right to change his mind.

I simply said that he should tell me when he changes his mind so I know what ot plan for

Then he really got mad and started accusing me of changing my mind all the time and never telling him.  Of course, I change my mind....but I do tell him.  I told him it just didn't matter any more.  I went to bed and took a 2 hour nap.  No, it didn't help.  But he is absolutely exhausting.  The word games he plays, his ability to turn everything on me - make every tiny detail my fault.  If I could just get a job, I would leave him.  But no luck on the job front, that's for sure.

So I stay.  In a place I truly do not want to be.  Never planned this.  Never asked for this.  Never agreed to this.  I know he hurts.  I know he is depressed.  I know he is exhausted.  But it is 100% his problem, not mine and I am tired of being his scape goat - his excuse, I am tired of being blamed for everything wrong with his life.

Maybe I just need a 4 hour nap!  LOL!