Horrible morning

I went to Walmart Friday and when I went to open the back seat door to put my groceries in the car, the entire door handle fell off!  Yes....the ENTIRE handle!  I just gasped!  It was so unexpected and happened so easily.  The Ford dealership was on the way home so I pulled in and the kid told me to bring it in this morning which I did.

Apparently, in the last recall, they replaced the rear door handles due to a recall and they didn't get the clip in right so the handle fell out.  I think that recall was several months back.  Anyway, they got it finished and called and hubby ran me over to get my car.  We decided to meet at a local family run restaurant for breakfast.

Got there and I ordered.  He ordered biscuits with gravy, but asked to substitute hash browns for the biscuits (it's on the menu that you can do that).  Brand new waitress - I think it was her first day, so she asked him to clarify what he wanted and he repeated.

About 5 minutes later, she came back to the table and asked again for a clarification.  Her supervisor was with her and I think she got it that he just wanted hash browns with gravy.  I could see that he was getting agitated.

And then, she asked him to repeat his order AGAIN!!!  Well, that did it, he threatened to leave, she and I tried to calm him down and she left to put the order in.

Of course, it came to the table - biscuits and gravy....with EXTRA biscuits!  No hash browns.  I just about died and he blew up.  I mean, he literally just blew up.  He was swearing at the waitress.  She had brought the check and she wanted to take his food off it and he wouldn't let her.

I just sat there.  Ever so quietly, I said, "why don't you just go home?"  He just sat there not eating and then he said, " I can't eat, I'm sick to my stomach now."  So I said, "then you need to just leave.  I'll pay for this, just go."  And he did.

I finished my meal and got up to go pay at the counter.  And older woman who had been sitting behind us came up to the counter and said, "He is the most horrible man I have ever seen in my entire life."  I should have just agreed with her, but instead, I said, "You never know what another person is going through."  She said, "There is no excuse for his behavior."  I just walked out.  I did leave the poor waitress a nice tip.  It's the least I could do.

And then I drove to my sister's.  I could not come home.  I told her what happened and she reiterated that she thinks it's time I leave.  I agree.  It is.  But it probably won't happen right now.

I did finally come home.  He didn't say a word to me.  After a bit, I went to his door and told him that I needed to run to the bank and asked him if he needed anything while I was out.  He said, "is something wrong?  did I do something else?"  I said, "No, it's the woman who came up to me after you left and said that you were the most horrible man she had ever seen."  He said, "I had every right to get mad."  I said, "yes, you had every right to get mad, but you had no right to respond the way that you did.  It won't happen again, I've decided that we're not going out to eat for quite some time."  He didn't say a thing and I left to run my errands.

He did have every right to be upset.  Extremely upset.  He told the waitress 5 times what he wanted and she still didn't get it right.  But he had no right to throw a hissy fit - to act the way he did, or to say the things that he did.  I cannot excuse his behavior.  I should have just walked out when she couldn't get the order right after 3 tries.  My mistake for staying.   But in my defense....I was hungry! LOL!!!

So, it was about 9 am when all this happened.  Was he still in his marijuana hangover???  Did he take his morning insulin? If not, was he low?  I will never know.  But something was way off.  And I  really don't know how much longer I can live with this.

No one should have to sit in a restaurant and watch their husband behave like a 3 year old throwing a temper tantrum.  I have no plans to ever go out to a restaurant with him again.  We can leave it to fast food drive throughs.  I am so worn out.  "Weary" is the term I said to my sister.  I'm just "weary".

Second issue:  Yesterday, I noticed that the fronts of his shins were red.  There are  4 sores on his shins.  I asked him if he had bumped into something and he said he didn't think so.  I started doing some online research and it's probably poor circulation in his legs.  But he said he's not going to the doctor for that.  He really thinks he's just been bumping into things.  Guess we'll keep an eye on his legs and see what happens.

Third:  There are no guidelines for dealing with Stage 4/5 ESRD.  Nothing for the caregiver.  No helps.  No inside scoop.  No groups that I can find online for support.  I am going to guess that by the time the end arrives, the caregiver is so exhausted they do not ever want to hear the word "diabetes" again in their lives.  I am getting there at rapid speed.  But I pray that what I write, what I go through, how I deal with these issues, the unanswered questions that I ask....that somehow, they might serve to help someone else going through the same or similar situation.  God bless you if it's you.  We all need a blessing!

DW