Friday, December 28, 2012

Scott wrote:

Wow - just found this blog - seems like i'm in the same boat as everyone else -- except that it's my wife of 17 years with uncontrolled type 2. i like your mantras - can relate to all of them, and I say them myself, and hope one day that I'll actually believe what it is that I'm saying. She lied to me (again) last week about her numbers - came out and said she had checked her blood 3x that day and that all were in the 100s, but then i checked her meter and found she only checked once and it was 275, and that she maybe checked 1x over prior days and all results were poor. For me, it was the straw that broke this camel's back as I told her that I cant continue like this (it's gone on for years already) and that I wanted a divorce. She begging me to stay. We have a 13 year old child. It's a nightmare.... 

I haven't done the research, but I'm going to guess that diabetes is not sex specific.  I'm going to guess the way that it works to destroy blood cells, limit oxygen to the brain, damage the heart, a person reacts to highs and pretty much the same in a man or a woman.

I have often wondered why they lie about their numbers.  I always think that if he loves me, he will tell me the truth.  The reality is that he almost always lies about his numbers.  Especially when he wants to go out to eat!!!  "Oh, I was only 105 this morning, we can go out for lunch!" Yeah, right!

And I will confess that I am the world's slowest learner.  But at least I am still learning!  LOL!!!

We all have to keep our sense of humor in order to stay sane.  So, Scott, I'd like you to know that my "camel's" back has been broken so many times that it's now a sway back camel!  :o)  I always think, "this is it, I'm done" and then I remember a good time, or he promises to be good, or he begs to stay.  

So explain this one to me.  We have filed for a legal separation, but I'm at his dad's cleaning, sorting, fixing, moving dad into MIL's apartment, moving hubby into dad's MBR.  Why am I the one doing all the dirty work?  And I cannot begin to explain how filthy dirty, dust covered - grease soaked most of this house is!  I am pulling out papers, wool and silk clothing - loaded with worm eggs.  I have had moments when I want to vomit.  I bought some really thick painters gloves that come up to my elbows, a face mask and do you know what happened?  His dad was offended!!!!  I did laugh!  I suggested that he pull everything out of the drawers and when I showed him a pair of silk long johns embedded with worm eggs.....he decided I could cover up no matter how I wanted!

For us, we have to go about this slowly.  I have to act married until he realizes that we are not.  We have to live separately  - I'm going to guess for at least 2 years.  I know him.  I know myself.  We can't just divorce and be done with it.  It's not who we are.

One of my sister's best friends was married to a non-compliant diabetic.  He decided he wanted a divorce.  He got healthy.  He lost weight.  He exercised.  He no longer has diabetes.  And she took care of him all those years (nearly 40) for what?

I'm thinking life is way too short for me to be here cleaning or for you to live with a wife who can't quit denying what her numbers are (obviously that's what she's doing).  And I think a 13 year old might understand, but if it were me, I'd seek custody.  Think of the ramifications of a child left with a mom who lies.  I often think that if they give themselves permission to lie about the numbers, they will give themselves permission to lie about everything else. 

You do not have an easy road.  But know that we understand and that no matter what you decide to do we'll cheer you on!


Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Tis the season for sugar highs!!!

I know it was Christmas.  I know it's a day of celebration.  But must they eat every piece of chocolate in the county?  LOL!!!

Hubby and I are at his dad's and things are going fairly well.  We decided not to tell anyone that we have filed for a legal separation.  I have been cleaning and sorting like an insane person.  And I do think there is some insanity with this.  My in-laws had not cleaned in forever.  I have never actually seen dust bunnies.  About and inch deep on top of her dresser.  Not just the very top, but the top, the shelves, everything sitting on it, dolls, stuffed animals, the tops of the asthma had a rather rough day today and I need to find a vacuum cleaner around here and sweep up as much as I can before I start in tomorrow.

It's sort of funny/sad.  There are dresser drawers that I cannot's been that long since they were last opened and the wood has swollen and warped.  I opened one today and pulled out a pair of silk long johns that were filled with moth eggs.  gag me!  But I'm making progress.  Have sorted out all the dolls and gave them all to the grandkids and great grandkids via Skype.  Have sorted out all the linens, Hallmark Ornaments, and have bagged over 300 pieces of costume jewelry and will have my FIL help decide who gets what on that.  Every single closet in this house is bulging.  My MIL never tossed a thing.  So most of what is here is worthless.  It's just so old.

Both hubby and FIL have diabetes.  FIL's glucose runs from 200 to 499.  Not very good control at all  We are trying hard to remind him to take his insulin shots, eat on a schedule, take his pills (4x a day) and just keep him on some kind of regular schedule.  He is 79.  He sleeps way too much.  I'm sure much of that is the depression of losing his wife.  They had been married 59 years.  He has moments when he wants to get rid of everything that was her's, but I am pulling out little things to keep and set on shelves here and there  I told him that the Grandkids need to see their grandma's things when they come to visit and he was ok with that.

I have 3 weeks down here and find I am running from 6 am to 10 pm....and hubby is doing pretty good about helping out when I ask.  He is mostly sorting through paperwork while I go through stuff and clean.  We are moving FIL into the attached apartment that his mother used to live in.  Hubby will then move into the master bedroom in this part of the house.  Then everything else has to be sorted, gotten rid of, etc.  We figured if we got FIL into the apartment and got him to downsize to that, then it would be easier to get rid of the rest of the stuff.....and put the house/apartment up for sale.  I still think it's going to take 2 years!!!

Life is good when you keep this busy!