Thursday, April 12, 2012

What stress does

I now have a tiny nodule on my right breast. A little surprised it hasn't happened sooner. He's had a Heart attack, bypass, spinal fusion, laid off.....only makes sense that I get a cyst. Will do a needle biopsy on 4/24. Told him I simply have to take all the stress out of my life. And he's been great this week. He leaves in the morning to fly to visit his parents for the next 10 days. I need this break. I sure hope he does well traveling - but I can't concern myself with his health any longer.

We are back in negotiations on the house we like and may close as early as 4/26. Wouldn't that be amazing??

So I hope to get the entire house packed while he is gone.

I sure am going to be busy!! But I promise I'll take a couple of long hot baths!!


Sunday, April 08, 2012

And another meltdown

And over such minute things. Today was a hard day for him. Neither of his children invited him to be with them for Easter. I try to remind him that their mom has moved back into the area. But he simply says that they don't love him. We started to complete some medical questionnaire and he couldn't remember the street address where he worked. He got pissed when I asked him his hourly rate. He didn't know the number for HR and didn't know where to look to find it. I asked him to print out copies of pay stubs for this yeAr and he argued with me about why they were needed.

I am really tired of his inability to function. I think the final straw was when he could not decide between 2 things for dinner. Seriously???

We go see his cardiologist tomorrow and I think he should let her know about his suicidal thoughts. Oh, he got mad at me because he is on a one month restriction from lactose products.

He sat in his chair and watched TV all day long while I packed box after box and carried them to the garage. I wonder if he is simply shutting down. His depression was way worse today. All of his anger is directed at me. If I survive this, it will be a miracle. I really wondered today if we should just separate. Before we sign this contract.i think I can handle everything except these near daily meltdowns. Is that because of his glucose?

I had to get out of the house this evening, so I drove over to our little neighborhood lake and just sat and watched joggers and kids til it got dark. I called my sis and talked to her. She thinks he needs to be institutionalized. I'm not sure about that.

I know I am under severe stress as my right breast has started to have a discharge. I'm going to schedule a mammogram tomorrow and will go see my doctor when the results come in.

I'm just to tired of everything tonight.