Hey Tom's wife - I'm happier again! LOL!

I'm back with 2 of my sisters and we are just having so much fun.  I made the choice to come here and not go with him to his nephrologist.  I'm glad I did.  I had a chat with hubby before I left and sort of asked him to be strong and no allow them to stop the meds that control his bladder.  He was.  They didn't stop it.  His blood pressure is starting to come down.  The headaches are starting to give him some relief.  The flatulence on the other hand.....still a huge problem as he is being kept awake all night long with stomach problems.

I did give him the list of complications to show to the doc, but he didn't do it.  Do you know what he said? He asked if there was any good news on it and I said, "no", and he said, "well, then, I don't want to read it."

I nearly fell over.  But then that's sort of how he is about his diabetes.  He only wants to believe the good side of it.

And remember how angry I used to get because he would tell people that he didn't have a blood pressure problem?  Well, I do think that's behind us seeing as how he needs FOUR medications to get it down.

All I can do is shake my head.  But I am turning this all back over to him.  He can pick and choose what he wants to do.  My life isn't over just yet, so I'm moving forward doing things I want to do.  And for the present time, that's exactly where I need to be so I can get myself well because I know that it is going to be nothing but rugged mountains in the days and months ahead of us.

DW

Time to let go?

He has an appt with his kidney doc tomorrow. Won't be the same guy, will be a new one.  So a decision point for me.

a)  Do I go and put up a fight when this new guy wants to change meds, take him off the stuff that keeps him out of depends because it's too hard on his kidneys?  Do I go and do battle?

b)  Do I just stay home and let the docs take over and do whatever they want to do.  Do I give up the fight to help him?  Do I just let whatever be will be?

He is on a path of such physical destruction anyway.  Why should I be fighting to keep him alive?  Why should I be researching every new drug they put him on?  He's on 3 BP meds now.  WOW!!!  And his humulin RU 500 is back up to 32 units in the am and 16 units at night.  That's 48 units per day x 5 = 240 .....he would need to take 240 units of humulog per day.... that's why he's on the concentrated stuff.

Current meds:

Allopurinol 100 mg 3 tablets in morning uric acid

Aspirin 81 mg 1 pill in morning & 1 pill at night *

Fenofibrate 160 mg 1 per morning cholesterol & triglyceride

Humulin R U-500  32 units  8 am and 16 units 6 pm

Lisinopril 2.5 mg  1 tablet in morning BP

Nitroglycerin .4 mg as needed heart

Atorvastatin (lipitor). 80mg 1x per day at night for cholesterol

Terazosin 10 mg  1 capsules at night, bladder control

Metoprolol (oppressor) 25 mg, 2x day, blood pressure

Amlodipine 5 mg morning, blood pressure

Fish oil 2 tablets 2 x per day

Multivitamin 1 per day

Stool softener 1x day

allopurinol is hard on the kidneys, but keeps one out of depends

Fenofibrate can cause nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, flatulence....hubby has all of these horrible

Lisinopril can cause fatal liver problems, chills, bloating, vomiting, fainting, fever, diarrhea, nausea....long list for this one

Atorvastatin can cause liver disease, acute renal failure, elevated CPK. Causes weakness, insomnia, chest pain, diarrhea, flatulence, nausea, long list on this one.  Memory loss.  

Terazosin causes dizziness, drowsiness,headache, constipation, fatigue.....erectile dysfunction

Metoprolol - dizziness, drowsiness, fatigue,diarrhea, unusual dreams, trouble sleeping,depression, vision problems.  Can reduce blood flow to hands and feet.  Slow heartbeat, sexual dysfunction, hair loss, mental/mood changes, depression and more

Amlodipine causes peripheral edema, fatigue, dizziness, palpitations, nausea, impotence, depression, insomnia, tremor.....can increase angina or actually cause a heart attack in rare occasions.  

And because no one is looking at the "whole", each specialist comes in and adds/deducts their own drugs of choice....I truly believe they are going to kill him.  

For the past 2 years, I have been researching every change they make, going to every appointment, fighting with doctors, surgeons, nurses.  I tell them he will not stop certain meds because another specialist has told him to never stop it.  It truly has been a complete nightmare.  And I think I have to give up.  I think I can no longer go to bat for him.  I think we have to just let the medical profession do whatever it is they want to do and he can follow their protocol.  He's not going to follow the eating plan and he's certainly not about to exercise, so why should I do battle for him?

So I think I'll head to my sisters early tomorrow and skip this doctor.  I truly hate doing this to him, I feel like I'm giving up.  But I also know this is causing a stress on my physically and I need to put myself first. And as a side note, I am getting a little better, so I think physical therapy is helping....that and clearing out my calendar and spending more time with my family, away from diabetes.  That may sound terrible to some, but I have to get my own physical strength back so I can help him when he needs it most.  And I think that day is not far away.

DW