Saturday, October 01, 2011

I never check my emails

for this account!  Just found this one:

Hello my name is Elizabeth,
     I was looking for help on the internet and found you.  My husband is only 47 years old and is also a very bad diabetic.  He gets so angry and just starts yelling about stupid stuff.  He hates everything and everybody.  He cannot swallow a pill so he will rarely take his meds.  His a1c is 11.3 Triglicrides are 953 and the protein in his kidneys is 3133.  He has a long family history of the same health issues.  The more I try to talk to him the worse it gets.  I love my husband very much and we will be married 23 years in November, but I don't know if I can keep this up.  I am very depressed all the time because I never know what kind of mood he is going to be in.  His father passed away when he was about 23.  He thinks because of this that he also will die in his 40's and just doesn't seem to care what anyone says to him.  How do you deal with this?  I have been for about 7 years not but it is not getting any better.  I told him today if he doesn't start doing what the doctor says I am going to get a mental hygiene warrant on him.  If he would at least just try I could feel bad for him but as of right now I am just angry with him for not even trying.  Please give me some advice.

First off, I don't give advice.  I just tell you what I think, and what my own personal experiences have been.  But I can tell you that an a1c of 11.3 is too high and he needs to se a doctor.  Like now!!!  

I can also tell you that I don't hesitate to schedule an appointment with a mental health provider when things get really bad around here.  It always helps to talk with someone else and often, they do have some good ideas.  Sometimes you have to ask for suggestions.  Sometimes you have to switch providers.  Sometimes you get really bad ones....but you do have an option to find someone else.

Most likely, you are, like me, going through the grief process over and over and over.  And that's where the anger comes in - it's a natural step in the process and we have to go through it.  Problem is that with each loss of function, both my husband and I have to grieve that loss. At this point it seems never ending.

How do I deal with my hubby and the fact that he doesn't even try?  Well, mostly, just day by day.  He has the right to make that choice because he is an adult and I can't change him.  I had to make a choice to accept his decision or not, to stay with him or not.  Most important I think, I had to make a decision to get back to living my own life, create goals, find a hobby, keep active and busy.  And while I know that he would prefer that I stick tohis side like glue....I've learned that I can't be here every second of every day.  I have to get out and live my own life.

Good luck,


Loved the respite

Back home and all is as well as can be.  Was so nice to get away for a whole week - visiting with my siters.  Hubby came Thursday afternoon and we were all together to celebrate my birthday.  Laughed all evening long!  We both came home on Friday.  My sis has a single queen bed so we tried to sleep together, but his restless leg syndrome is still just as bad as it ever was so I ended up on the sofa.  What would we do without sofas?  LOL!

I'm getting better, stronger - my pain is going away.  I'm moving better and I really think it's because I'm letting go, getting away, taking breaks, taking care of myself.  And he can tell a difference.  When I can move, I can do more for him.  And when I can't move, he has to do more for I think it's helping him as well.

We have family coming from out of state next weekend and after that..I'm hoping life will settle down for the winter.

His glucose is still running at 300 way too often.  He has way too many digestive problems which I'm pretty sure is simply the nerve endings dying off.  Almost daily he adds something else to the list of things he can't eat.    The gaseous odors are still almost unbearable.  Diet modification hasn't really helped with that.  I assume it is all just part of the process of uncontrolled diabetes eating away at his body.

And yes, that is truly sad.  But he has made a choice to simply do what he wants rather than try and take care of himself.  So life has to go on as normal as it can as long as it can.  And truly, overall, we are doing fine at the moment.

I've had my week off and have much renewed strength.  Life is good!