Friday, April 20, 2007

Inability to Sleep....

is this something that is synonymous with type 2 diabetes? It's 8 am, on a work-at-home day and I had to go wake him up. I asked if he was ok and he said, "Yes, I just didn't sleep last night." I asked if he was missing meetings and he said, "probably".

I know....not my disease, not my problem. But...if he loses his job....THEN it's my problem! aarrrgggghhhh!!!

So, is is a common thing with diabetics that they do not go to sleep until 3 or 4 am? I know he is in horrible pain. But on the other hand, I know he is not managing this disease at all. He does not even try to eat right. There's another whole bag of Dove chocolate on the top of his dresser and I watch it shrinking by about 1/4 per day. OK...maybe 1/3 and maybe this is the 3rd bag this week!

We have a treadmill and exercise bicycle....he can't use them as his hips hurt too much. He will guzzle diet soda by the bottle and I've read what that can do to diabetics. He just is not willing to change anything about his lifestyle habits and then gets so angry at the world, so depressed....and can't sleep.

I just wonder if other spouses have moved out of their bedrooms like I have in order to get some rest on their own. Yes...the only reason I've moved down the hall is that his inability to sleep was keeping me up all night long.

He also has restless leg syndrome. He flops his leg all night long which in turn flops the bed. He doesn't roll from one side to the other....he literally lifts his body up and flops back down. Which, of course, generates a huge tidal wave to my side of the bed. OK, maybe I'm being a bit dramatic here...but do you get the point? I will be nearly asleep and the bed will move with a sudden jolt.....and of course I'm back fully awake thinking I'm living in southern California and we just had an earthquake!

I'm also quite sure he has sleep apnea. He will totally quit breathing, then gasp for air. These gasps are so loud that they would wake me up as well. He refuses to even have a sleep test done. So, between the gasps, snorts, farts (nerves in the intestines are dying off), RLS, flops and bounces.....I really have had no choice but to start sleeping in the guest bedroom.


It's only been a couple of weeks now....and just today I am starting to feel a bit rested. I think with 2 more solid months of good sleep, I may be back to joining civilization! :o)

At least I feel good enough this morning to attempt to go out for a walk! Yeah! Just wondering how the rest of the spouses manage to get a good night's sleep?

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Drive thru diet soda

Went to Taco Bell for lunch, in the drive thru and ordered a diet pepsi. Drove away, 2 blocks before I took a sip and it was cherry pepsi. So I turned around, drove back, got out of the car and went in to make the exchange because the line in the drive thru was just too long to go that route again.

And I wondered.....what would all that sugar do to a diabetic? I'm not sure my hubby can tell the difference in taste. Often, I will get a soda and think it's not diet, but not be able to tell, ask him to take a sip, and he can't tell.

But I know the sugars in a loaded soda are so much higher than in a diet and just started wondering where the responsibility is with fast food chains? ( answer needed as we know they don't presume to be resposible for anything!)

What if this had been a child with diabetes and they handed them a soda rather than a diet soda?

So I came home and sent Taco Bell's website an email complaint. Not that I assume they will actually read it, but wouldn't it be nice if there were enough people emailing them (and all the other fast food chains) and they actually started to pay attention to what went out the window?

We used to have 2 McDonald's in our town. One has exceptional service and never gets and order wrong. The other constantly gave out the wrong order and the wrong change. I can't tell you how often I've emailed a complaint on that store. Believe it or not, they went out of business last year. I doubt it was my emails...but maybe they had some small part in it....or maybe everyone else in town was complaining as well!

Someone should invent a meter that you can place inside the soda that identifies which drink it is! I would buy that!

Rights as his wife?

I understand medical privacy. I understand and believe that each one of us should have the right to go to our doctor, chat with them, confess to them, and know that our medical records are private.

But I also think that as the wife of a diabetic, I should have the right to know MORE about what is going on. I think I should be informed of treatment plans and be asked to participate.....even if it is against his will.

So let the slamming begin! LOL! Anyone who wants to tell me it is his disease....go right ahead. We all know that. But I'm the one who has to live with it...and I have no input into the management of it. Well...if we can call this management!

He went to the doctor today. I asked to join him and he said he preferred that I not go. So to avoid a huge battle, I stayed home. I asked what they said. Here's the full extent of the reply I received, "well, they didn't seem to think it is good at all. My hips are deteroriating and they can't give me anything for the pain because of my kidneys. My knees are shot, too."

And I asked what they said about his feet and he replied, "well, they said they are not good".

He was there for 2 hours and that is all I got. And then he sunk into a horrible depression. He laid on the sofa for the next 5 hours not moving at all. About 6 pm, I asked what he wanted for dinner and he said "wings" sounded good. So I heated up the oven and pulled a bag out of the freezer and put them in. When the timer went off, I was on the computer and told him they were ready. He just laid there. I said, "They are for you, you can get up and go get them out of the oven!" To which he replied, "it would be nice if you would get them for me."

And in my head I'm thinking "when hell freezes over" and I just sat there. I could not believe this man would not get up off the sofa and walk over to the oven and take the wings out. Not even 10 feet from where he was. I didn't move and he did get up and go get them, groaning and moaning every step of the way.

I really want to know what they said to him that put him in such a mood! I think I have that right!

He said it would be next week before the labs are back and that he has a physical sometime in May when he thinks they might tell him what is next. I am going to start pushing to go to that appointment with him. Just so I can ask all the questions that he will not ask because he does not want to know the answer.

I seriously doubt he was there for 2 hours and they said 2 sentences to him. I'm more apt to think he is blocking what they said, in denial about it, or just doesn't want to discuss it. Which is fine. But what's not fine is the total depression and the desire to have me turn into his personal maid. Lord help us when he goes on dialysis, or in a wheelchair.

And there's more....I'll start another post!

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Thanks Robin!

I had started to post this morning, then deleted it because I thought, "oh why? Why share any more of my story with anyone else?" And then Robin's post came here I am again. But first, Thanks Robin for posting. I really do hope you get it all under control before it get's so out of control you can't. And I think that's where my hubby is....just so far out of control that there is no way to control this.

I've found a photo of what his feet look like and will try to post it here in my blog. No, I'm not going to photograph his he is totally unaware of my blog. This is "my" space....the place where I can vent. This is where I write my notes, my thoughts, my feelings. This is where I come when there is no place else for me to go.

This past week, he has had pain in his lower back. I have not had the energy to research this. But his pain has been disabling. He spent the entire weekend on the sofa. Thank goodness for me....I had a weekend away with my girlfriends....much needed laughing therapy! I left him on the sofa and came home to him on the sofa! I actually asked him if he had moved at all over the weekend! LOL!

He has cut the back out of his shoes and is now walking with his heels hanging over the backs of them. He's going out less and less as he can't walk much right now.

On the up side, his uric acid level is down from 11.6 to 6.0. Incredible progress on that one....between the meds and going off all red meat, I think we are on the right path with that. 30% kidney function....I'm not sure how much longer what he has remaining is going to last.

So here's todays "food" for thought. He is on at least 20 different prescription drugs. Kidney function must be "stretched to the max" processing drugs. These are all in addition to the insulin injections that he receives. He's on meds for blood pressure, arthritis, pain, diahrrea, gout and just a whole lot of other problems that continue to crop up. And it seems that with each new drug, there are new additional side effects. Some of those are controlled with even more drugs. Yes, you should see our bathroom.

The funny thing is that you couldn't find a single pill in our house that would help if your nose started running, you got a sneeze or had a bad cough! LOL!

I think the more meds he takes, the less I am willing to take anything. I have worked hard and long to get myself off all drugs and have succeeded. Although I wonder at my age how long that will last and am seriously thinking I need to start something for my arthritis. But I am procrastinating and I know why!

Yesterday, I spent the day in a chemo unit with a dear friend who is going through breast cancer. As I looked around me, at nearly 50 other people receiving injections....all in various stages of that horrible disease, I realized that I am blessed. All I'm dealing with is diabetes. And as horrible as this disease is, I do not yet think it is as devastating as cancer can be to some.

Laughter is perhaps the best healing medicine of all time. I've had a fabulous weekend with dear old pals and we just laughed and laughed. So much so that I do think my jaws are still hurting.

Hopefully, one day soon, I can look back and find something about diabetes to chuckle about.