John said:
For Tigo - Look at his feet! ( I bought a foot water massager for the wife, she does not use it! she already has lost most of the feelings on the bottom of her feet. They are cracked and worn out like someone in their 80's <-- her choice)
The diabetic makes the choice to stay healthy or not, I get the side affects of that choice.
What choices do I have? stay with the side affects and take care of my family? Leave and be a weekend dad hope my young kids know how to give needles? Leave with the kids and have to explain to them why mom died? and even if I did not have kids, do I say " I left my wife because she was too sick, but I am really a good guy!"
The neuropathy is one of the most nasty side affects of being diabetic not only is most of the feeling gone in her feet but it spreads to her hands as well. I don't want to think about her losing bladder control and gases like dw's husband.
Dear John,
Looking at their feet - excellent suggestion. I forget these things. My husband's feet were horribly gnarly when I first met him. When I asked him about it, he said it was his Scottish ancestry. Can you believe that is actually what his doctor at that time told him? So of course, I believed him! Shortly after that he changed health insurance and had a whole new set of doctors who told him it was his gout!!! I am still so shocked about that doctor!!! Plus, as a genealogist, I took his family back to Holland, so he's not Scottish at all! LOL!!!
Your choice is to stay, I already know that. And yes, you should probably teach your children (when they are old enough to learn) how to give their mom an insulin shot if/when she needs one. You are a "really good guy" - whether you stay or leave. We each have to make these decisions on our own....but how is that any different than a diabetic deciding to remain non-compliant and thus injuring us?
I agree, neuropathy is horrible. But my experience with hubby that it gets much worse the longer they have this disease and the higher the A1c goes. I just wish hubby could go back to 5 years ago.....he was so much better then. I really did not know how bad it could get, did I?
DW
More from John:
For DW, I found this link about gas problems. but again it is his choice to make that change to fix that! Which you and me know in our hearts that he will not do!
http://health.msn.com/mens-health/dealing-with-intestinal-gas
maybe you can buy some beano and crush it into his food?...lol.. I do that with the kids for some stuff when they are sick! oh and the 1 time I had to do that for the cat in her food! :)
Dear John,
Glad to see you have a sense of humor! Ha ha!
I looked at that website:
He has given up dairy
He refuses to eat any vegetables, and normally does not eat anything whole grain
If it's got fructose in it, he's most likely not about to give that up
He eats apples, but nothing else on that line. It is the only fruit he eats
Get him to give up starches? Hardly!
Fibers - he does not get enough of that
Proteins - something else he probably will never give up.
He's made those decisions.
#3 is a good possibility except I think they just tested him for this.
#4 - even his physician said it is neuropathy of the intestines.
He's been to a registered dietician numerous times. They always give him a great diet. He never follows it. We have ended up throwing out thousands of dollars worth of food that just spoils in the refrigerator.
He says eating is the only thing he has left in life. He knows the consequences. He told me that he would rather eat what he wants and die earlier than have to give this up as well. And while I understand, it is still heartbreaking.
In the last 2 weeks, we have transitioned to separate bedrooms. He is OK with it and says he is sleeping better because he doesn't wake up worrying about me being awake because of him. And I am now back to sleeping all night long. I think we are both happier. I usually go into his room and sit in the chair next to his bed and watch TV with him until I get sleepy. That seems to be ok with him. But I still am having trouble getting past the thought of not sleeping with my husband! Thanks to Lilly for giving me the strength to do this!
DW
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
An interesting email from Tigo
one last thing, you decide if you answer or not, do you regret being married to a diabetic, or do you wish you have listened to your dad, I recall you saying your kids didn't get it, if I knew my kids weren't getting it I would not think about it twice, you have no idea how lucky you are having healthy kids, that's my lifelong dream. Plz answer back, your blog has helped me, he is type one, his dad got it when he was four and my bf at 19, somewhere I read chances of inheritance increase when they were diagnosed before age 11...I dunno..I guess I have a lot of thinking to do.
Dear Tigo,
I think I need to get a few things corrected. This is both our second marriage. We each have 2 children from a prior marriage, none of our own. My oldest son had asthma so severe that his doctors said he would be dead before he was 12. He's still here. My youngest son developed grand mal seizures from DPT shots and he still has them even though he has been on heavy medication since birth. So, I did not have healthy children, but their issues are not related to diabetes.
My husbands daughter has pre-diabetic symptoms including having kidney stones removed surgically almost bi-monthly. She needs to get off dairy and refuses to do so. His son (both kids are adults) lives an extremely healthy lifestyle as he knows he has a good chance of inheriting this disease as his father, grandfather, great and great-great grandfather all have/had diabetes.
In general, I never listened to my own dad about anything until I was in my mid 30s. But my family does not have a close history of diabetes. My dad's dad had siblings who had diabetes, but my grandpa never had it and lived to age 83.
So, do I regret being married to a diabetic? I think my answer would be yes if we had had children together. Why? Well, it's a long story, but the short version is that he was not educated in diabetes when his children were growing up and no one ever explained to them that his outbursts were sugar lows. Today, his adult children will tell you that their father was a very abusive man. They remember him in a rage all the time. And they think it was his personality. I have been trying to re-educate them that it was probably his diabetic lows....but they have a hard time transitioning their thoughts after all these years of growing up with a dad who yelled and screamed at them all the time. His wife left while he was on a business trip and he came home to an open front door and a house with nothing inside of it. I now know why she did that. If she had tried to leave while he was home, he would have gone into what I term a "diabetic rage" and he would have threatened her. He did that to me more than once before I was educated about diabetes. He used to tell people that she left him because she was a lesbian (she had moved in with a girlfriend until she could find a place of her own and has since remarried a nice guy.) Now, if he even starts in on that line of talk, I immediately correct him by stating that she left you because you did not control your diabetes.....and he usually changes the conversation. I do not allow him any excuses with what he did to his past life.
I love him dearly. I do not regret marrying him. I regret that I did not know anything about diabetes before I married him. And I cannot honestly say that if I had been educated, if it would have changed my mind. I am very grateful that we did not have children together because I can see how it has impacted his children. Imagine your daughter needing to have kidney stones removed every other month (horrible pain until they are removed). She has also had to have both ovaries removed due to a pre-diabetic condition called PCOS polycystic ovary syndrome. She will never have her own children and is also being treated for depression. How devastating that must be to her own mom. According to her physician, PCOS is pre-diabetic.
hope that helps a little
DW
Dear Tigo,
I think I need to get a few things corrected. This is both our second marriage. We each have 2 children from a prior marriage, none of our own. My oldest son had asthma so severe that his doctors said he would be dead before he was 12. He's still here. My youngest son developed grand mal seizures from DPT shots and he still has them even though he has been on heavy medication since birth. So, I did not have healthy children, but their issues are not related to diabetes.
My husbands daughter has pre-diabetic symptoms including having kidney stones removed surgically almost bi-monthly. She needs to get off dairy and refuses to do so. His son (both kids are adults) lives an extremely healthy lifestyle as he knows he has a good chance of inheriting this disease as his father, grandfather, great and great-great grandfather all have/had diabetes.
In general, I never listened to my own dad about anything until I was in my mid 30s. But my family does not have a close history of diabetes. My dad's dad had siblings who had diabetes, but my grandpa never had it and lived to age 83.
So, do I regret being married to a diabetic? I think my answer would be yes if we had had children together. Why? Well, it's a long story, but the short version is that he was not educated in diabetes when his children were growing up and no one ever explained to them that his outbursts were sugar lows. Today, his adult children will tell you that their father was a very abusive man. They remember him in a rage all the time. And they think it was his personality. I have been trying to re-educate them that it was probably his diabetic lows....but they have a hard time transitioning their thoughts after all these years of growing up with a dad who yelled and screamed at them all the time. His wife left while he was on a business trip and he came home to an open front door and a house with nothing inside of it. I now know why she did that. If she had tried to leave while he was home, he would have gone into what I term a "diabetic rage" and he would have threatened her. He did that to me more than once before I was educated about diabetes. He used to tell people that she left him because she was a lesbian (she had moved in with a girlfriend until she could find a place of her own and has since remarried a nice guy.) Now, if he even starts in on that line of talk, I immediately correct him by stating that she left you because you did not control your diabetes.....and he usually changes the conversation. I do not allow him any excuses with what he did to his past life.
I love him dearly. I do not regret marrying him. I regret that I did not know anything about diabetes before I married him. And I cannot honestly say that if I had been educated, if it would have changed my mind. I am very grateful that we did not have children together because I can see how it has impacted his children. Imagine your daughter needing to have kidney stones removed every other month (horrible pain until they are removed). She has also had to have both ovaries removed due to a pre-diabetic condition called PCOS polycystic ovary syndrome. She will never have her own children and is also being treated for depression. How devastating that must be to her own mom. According to her physician, PCOS is pre-diabetic.
hope that helps a little
DW
Thursday, February 09, 2012
Wednesday, February 08, 2012
To those with diabetes....you still don't get it, do you?
First, take your glucose before you read this. Because if you are high or low, you won't even begin to understand what it is I am trying to say to you.
Then take it again when you are done reading and take it 30 minutes later because if you are on the verge of a glucose change, you won't understand this either.
Let me first start by explaining something that happened Sunday. We have an annual superbowl party where all of my husband's staff flies in from all over the country. We did not have it last year because hubby was having his spinal stenosis surgery, so it's been 2 years. Many of the local spouses and kids join us for the party each year.
One of the local wives pulled me aside to ask how he was doing. I said that he was fine other than the fact that he only had one lab result that was normal in this last panel. She looked so shocked and said, what's wrong? I said, well his A1c is 10.5 and this triglycerides are over 1400. She said, "what is causing all this?" And I said, "you do know that he has diabetes, don't you?" She was completely taken aback, so I said, "does your husband (my hubby's employee) know that he is diabetic?" and she said "No!"
Other than my family and 2 friends, I'm not sure anyone else knows that he is diabetic. I do not mention it to anyone. That's why I have this blog.....in order to vent.
I am probably my husband's biggest fan. If he goes low when we are with someone else, I tell our friends that I am feeling ill and we probably need to go home." They think I have a ton of food allergies and stomach problems. They have no clue that he is diabetic and that I can tell from the way he is acting that we need to get him something to eat, or get him some glucose tabs.
So here's my point, if I can cover this so well (and he can as well), to the extent that an employee who has worked for him for the last 10 years has no idea that he is diabetic.....how do you know that your spouse is not the exact same way???
How do you know that they are not 100% supportive when they are around you, yet harbor the same emotions that I have.....they just never show this side to you?
Have you given that any thought?
My hubby has no idea I have this blog. He has no idea how much I despise this disease or what it has done to my own personal life. He knows how much I love him. And there is no reason for him to know, see, hear my anger. It would probably put him in a depression. But because I can vent here, I can leave it here and provide him with the loving, supportive wife that he needs. I can stay with him and not leave.
He simply has no clue. So why on earth do you think your spouse doesn't have the same feelings that I have and can hide them from you as well as I do? When my hubby asks me how I feel about his diabetes (and he has done so in the past), I simply tell him that I raised 2 very sick kids and that's how God prepared me for this. And yes, that part is 100% true....and hubby is very satisfied with that answer.
So, don't send me your comments that tell me there are others who don't feel the way I do....because you will probably NEVER know your spouse's feelings. I'm talking about the spouse who does not have diabetes, that loves you to pieces, but hates this disease and all it's ramifications to their lives as much as I do.
I won't post those comments. Why? Because I know that if you have diabetes, you have absolutely, positively no way of knowing what your spouse feels.....because they can hide it just as well as I hide my feelings from my diabetic husband.
And feel free to get mad at me. It's better than taking your denial out on your own spouse!!! Write all the nasty comments you care to send me.....but in them, please prove to me how you know that your spouse doesn't have a hidden blog, journal, online notebook where they write their own feelings, fears, worries and concerns so that in turn, they can be a loving, supportive, appreciative spouse that you perceive them to be. I know for a fact that my own husband would swear that I don't.
But I do!
And don't bother to ask your spouse if they have a journal because they will tell you that they don't. They are not about to want to get into an argument with you about what they write. Just let them have this one thing to keep private!!!
Did you see the video of cops beating up a motorist who was in diabetic caused shock?
about the Henderson NV cops who beat up a diabetic that was going low. It is just the worst thing ever. And I totally agree that law enforcement, school teachers, public servants all need to be trained in symptoms of hypoglycemia. And I do not think that the settlement is anywhere near as much as it should be.
Most other articles about this incident left out this part that's in this article:
Symptoms of hypoglycemia include shakiness, dizziness, hunger, pale skin, moodiness, aggressive behavior, loss of consciousness and even seizures.
If you are the diabetic and you have had a hypoglycemic incident, have you ever followed-up by asking your spouse if you presented any of these symptoms? Have you ever asked them what their thoughts were about your moodiness or aggressive behavior? And if you are the type of diabetic that has a regular low in the morning and evening....do you ask them how this impacts their life on a daily basis?
And if you have done this, then ask yourself how you know they don't have a personal diary somewhere that they write down something other than what they tell you?
As spouses, we have to be supportive of the diabetic in our lives. But by being supportive, we often do not confess our true feelings to the diabetic because we know it will put them in a depression, in a bad mood, or cause a fight. And it's just easier not to rock the boat.
If you have lows and/or highs on a regular basis, ask yourself how this impacts your spouse's life? Trust me, they have learned the same behavior that I have. It is easier to just smile and pick up the pieces and go on with life than to say/do anything that might cause you to be more depressed than you normally are, to cause you to get into a fight/argument/tantrum with me.
But I have also learned that if I keep it all bottled up inside of me, something is going to explode with my own body from all the stress of not being able to vent about how much you have changed my life. Therefore, I and other spouses are learning to blog.
Finally.....if you still swear this is not how your spouse is, at least pay attention to my blog because they may well be here one day in the future. And if they start having physical problems, you might suggest they read this particular blog as their illness might well be the result of not expressing their true feelings about your diabetes. Just food for thought!
DW
Then take it again when you are done reading and take it 30 minutes later because if you are on the verge of a glucose change, you won't understand this either.
Let me first start by explaining something that happened Sunday. We have an annual superbowl party where all of my husband's staff flies in from all over the country. We did not have it last year because hubby was having his spinal stenosis surgery, so it's been 2 years. Many of the local spouses and kids join us for the party each year.
One of the local wives pulled me aside to ask how he was doing. I said that he was fine other than the fact that he only had one lab result that was normal in this last panel. She looked so shocked and said, what's wrong? I said, well his A1c is 10.5 and this triglycerides are over 1400. She said, "what is causing all this?" And I said, "you do know that he has diabetes, don't you?" She was completely taken aback, so I said, "does your husband (my hubby's employee) know that he is diabetic?" and she said "No!"
Other than my family and 2 friends, I'm not sure anyone else knows that he is diabetic. I do not mention it to anyone. That's why I have this blog.....in order to vent.
I am probably my husband's biggest fan. If he goes low when we are with someone else, I tell our friends that I am feeling ill and we probably need to go home." They think I have a ton of food allergies and stomach problems. They have no clue that he is diabetic and that I can tell from the way he is acting that we need to get him something to eat, or get him some glucose tabs.
So here's my point, if I can cover this so well (and he can as well), to the extent that an employee who has worked for him for the last 10 years has no idea that he is diabetic.....how do you know that your spouse is not the exact same way???
How do you know that they are not 100% supportive when they are around you, yet harbor the same emotions that I have.....they just never show this side to you?
Have you given that any thought?
My hubby has no idea I have this blog. He has no idea how much I despise this disease or what it has done to my own personal life. He knows how much I love him. And there is no reason for him to know, see, hear my anger. It would probably put him in a depression. But because I can vent here, I can leave it here and provide him with the loving, supportive wife that he needs. I can stay with him and not leave.
He simply has no clue. So why on earth do you think your spouse doesn't have the same feelings that I have and can hide them from you as well as I do? When my hubby asks me how I feel about his diabetes (and he has done so in the past), I simply tell him that I raised 2 very sick kids and that's how God prepared me for this. And yes, that part is 100% true....and hubby is very satisfied with that answer.
So, don't send me your comments that tell me there are others who don't feel the way I do....because you will probably NEVER know your spouse's feelings. I'm talking about the spouse who does not have diabetes, that loves you to pieces, but hates this disease and all it's ramifications to their lives as much as I do.
I won't post those comments. Why? Because I know that if you have diabetes, you have absolutely, positively no way of knowing what your spouse feels.....because they can hide it just as well as I hide my feelings from my diabetic husband.
And feel free to get mad at me. It's better than taking your denial out on your own spouse!!! Write all the nasty comments you care to send me.....but in them, please prove to me how you know that your spouse doesn't have a hidden blog, journal, online notebook where they write their own feelings, fears, worries and concerns so that in turn, they can be a loving, supportive, appreciative spouse that you perceive them to be. I know for a fact that my own husband would swear that I don't.
But I do!
And don't bother to ask your spouse if they have a journal because they will tell you that they don't. They are not about to want to get into an argument with you about what they write. Just let them have this one thing to keep private!!!
Did you see the video of cops beating up a motorist who was in diabetic caused shock?
about the Henderson NV cops who beat up a diabetic that was going low. It is just the worst thing ever. And I totally agree that law enforcement, school teachers, public servants all need to be trained in symptoms of hypoglycemia. And I do not think that the settlement is anywhere near as much as it should be.
Most other articles about this incident left out this part that's in this article:
Symptoms of hypoglycemia include shakiness, dizziness, hunger, pale skin, moodiness, aggressive behavior, loss of consciousness and even seizures.
If you are the diabetic and you have had a hypoglycemic incident, have you ever followed-up by asking your spouse if you presented any of these symptoms? Have you ever asked them what their thoughts were about your moodiness or aggressive behavior? And if you are the type of diabetic that has a regular low in the morning and evening....do you ask them how this impacts their life on a daily basis?
And if you have done this, then ask yourself how you know they don't have a personal diary somewhere that they write down something other than what they tell you?
As spouses, we have to be supportive of the diabetic in our lives. But by being supportive, we often do not confess our true feelings to the diabetic because we know it will put them in a depression, in a bad mood, or cause a fight. And it's just easier not to rock the boat.
If you have lows and/or highs on a regular basis, ask yourself how this impacts your spouse's life? Trust me, they have learned the same behavior that I have. It is easier to just smile and pick up the pieces and go on with life than to say/do anything that might cause you to be more depressed than you normally are, to cause you to get into a fight/argument/tantrum with me.
But I have also learned that if I keep it all bottled up inside of me, something is going to explode with my own body from all the stress of not being able to vent about how much you have changed my life. Therefore, I and other spouses are learning to blog.
Finally.....if you still swear this is not how your spouse is, at least pay attention to my blog because they may well be here one day in the future. And if they start having physical problems, you might suggest they read this particular blog as their illness might well be the result of not expressing their true feelings about your diabetes. Just food for thought!
DW
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