Lisa wrote: Can't believe you mentioned your mother inlaw. Mine is finally gone, after she tortured me for many years. She would tell me that I was too shrict and mean about what my husband was eating, and then tell me I probably made him diabetic. Of course my husband would say to forget it, I was too sensitive! Its very difficult when that support is not there. I too physically feel the strain. Yoga seems to help. I also go to art classes. You have to concentrate on other things sometimes. Not easy. Lisa
I cannot believe she said you made him have diabetes! How stupid is she? I mean seriously......anyone who thinks diabetes can be caused by another human being is either stupid.....or an abusive bully. Take you pick! OK, maybe a little of both!!!
And for your husband to write it off as you being "too sensitive" simply shows how utterly insensitive he is.
It really is not easy to build a life for yourself.....but someone once told me that a human being has to get support from a source. Most of us get it from home. Or work. And if we don't get from there....then where? Being retired, my options are home (nope, not there), or through my art. And that is the life I am building for myself - my art. Not easy.....but necessary.
I just came across your site tonight. It's relieving to know I'm not alone. I have a diabetic husband. We've been together for 18years. I unlike you, is on the brink of divorce. He refuses to even take his medication. He's also constantly in and out of the hospital and also nursing homes. We have no children and I feel like I have ruined my life by being married to this selfish person. I'm full of so much pain at this moment because I feel like I have been a complete fool. My own health has suffered through this horrible marriage.
I can truly empahsize with you. I was at a crossroads about getting a divorce almost 5 years ago.....and my husband was/is nowhere near the condition yours is in. But I know just where we are headed. I know how hard this must be for you. But it is women just like yourself who I would like to encourage to write about your experience. Why? Because I want to know where I am headed. I want to know the steps in the process. I want to know how you handled each step of the way. And while I know it is devastatingly hard to write about this stuff......no one does.....and so many of us feel alone and are in the dark about what to expect.
My husband has not been into a nursing home yet. So I have to wonder when do I expect that? Are there signs/symptoms that I can look for?
And do not feel like you have been a complete fool. Love makes all of us do insane things. Including me. I am still in this relationship because I tell myself I love him. But I also have to ask (ok, each one of us has to ask) are we doing the right thing? Are we destroying our own health because the marriage is so horrible? Do we simply stay for the foolish hope that things will return to how they once were (yeah, I'm STILL that stupid!). Do we hang in because of some element of hope? Or is it because they make us feel so guilty we can't leave?
My husband is great at manipulating words to make me feel horribly guilty. He is a pro. But I tell myself that those ugly words only come out when he is in a sugar low - which I think is the truth. But is it? And if they come out in a "low" ....are the what he is thinking on a normal day and keeps to himself? Ya gotta wonder.
Right now....I'm having a wonderful 4 day break at my sister's house. I love coming here. While he does call and try to make me feel guilty about being gone.....I am gone, enjoying the friendship of my sisters (I have 2 that live in the same town) and loving the peace and quiet.
My younger sister pointed out to me yesterday that before my husband became ill, I used to come visit all the time. She said, "we used to have so much fun. I miss that." And I couldn't help but think that I just need to come here more often. They live about a 3 hour drive from me and it's not always possible to get here due to weather conditions. But I think I'm going to have to make a concerted effort to come a little more often.
And this is just so much more fun that being stuck at home with a guy who has a knee and foot infection and can't walk and I have to wait on him hand and foot. Hmmmm.....I guess he's managing life somehow, isn't he?