Saturday, July 05, 2008

denial vs escape

Anonymous wrote:

I can say this since I am a woman type-two diabetic.....I tend to lose myself in movies like your husband does in order to escape from a life which has become a nightmare devoid of any happiness or real hope for the future.

so here's my next question. Is this "escape" or is it denial? Because I see it as a form of denial. He loses himself in movies and does not deal with such things as testing, eating right, etc.

And how different is escape from denial? Are they the same thing or are they different?

Escape means to break loose from confinement, to avoid a serious or unwanted outcome, to succeed in avoiding

Denial is the act of refusing to comply, asserting something alleged is not true

Not much difference at all.

My husband immerses himself in horror movies, sci fi, etc. I truly believe it allows him to escape "real" life so that he can continue to live in his denial of his disease.

Today, I faced it square in the face. He has said that he has put on 25 -30 pounds this past year. We have a Polaris 2-up ATV. He has put on so much weight, that although his stomach still starts where it did last year, right behind the handles, the rest of him protrudes at least 6 inches more towards me. He was literally squeezing my legs and thighs into the real handle bars. I didn't figure this out until over half way through our ride and I just wanted to cry out of sadness. The ATV did not change shape or size, and I'm wearing the very same jeans I wore last summer. But my legs were totally pinned due to his girth. Truly sad when you have to face this head on.

It will probably be my last ATV ride because my left hip and thigh are totally black and blue tonight. Each time we hit a bump, the weight of his body jammed my leg into the corner of the ATV sticking out. I did not enjoy the ride at all due to the pain. I'm sitting on a heating pad, hoping it will just resolve itself.

I'm going to guess he has put on between 30 - 50 pounds this past year. I know that his waist is now 42". This is a large man. And I think I grieved somewhat today the loss of the fun of riding on an ATV.

Friday, July 04, 2008

I thought we were going to die!

Pulling an ATV on a trailer over a freeway and he started to pull out into the left lane to pass the slow poke in front of us and didn't see the truck coming up on his left. Nearly lost control pulling too far back to the right.

His reflexes are definitely slowing down and I wonder if his perifial vision is failing him? I saw the truck trying to pass us from the passenger side.

OK, all I can do is just keep praying. Fortunately, today, we are safely at our destination. I'm almost afraid to go out on the ATV with him tomorrow and no, he won't let me drive! Definitely a "guy" thing! LOL!

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Vacation time

He slept til 11:30!!! Well, I guess he's on vacation - but I did find myself checking on him just to make sure he was OK! It's worse than having a baby! LOL!

We had a very stress free day. Actually quite normal and fun. He has been on a modified atkins for 2 days now. No, he refuses to test his blood sugar levels, but I'm keeping an eye out for signs of lows.

He is having trouble with his left eye. Note, he has had cornea transplants and wears 2 pairs of contacts, hard over soft. So today, he was not able to wear the contacts in the left eye. He asked me to drive him to a get together with his staff, and I did. It was a nice outing. I'm hoping the weekend will remain the same way!

His vacation ends next Tuesday. We're planning on riding the ATV this weeekend with my sis and her hubby, so it should be great!

Normal living. It's great when it happens! :o)

Monday, June 30, 2008

Diabetic parents of diabetic children

I think this must be my week of questions. That, or things are starting to solidify in my brain and more questions are popping up.

I'm going to write a scenario here and change the names to protect the "innocent"! LOL!

Let's say you have a non-compliant diabetic father - let's call him Howard. And he has an adult son who is age 30 who is also a non-compliant diabetic. We'll call him Greg. Now, Greg has an 8 year old son who is not a diabetic (yet). We'll call him Tim.

Both Howard and Greg both have extreme highs and lows in their sugar levels. When they go low, they get angry and yell and scream at anyone around them. But they don't remember yelling or screaming at all.

Greg grew up this way. Being verbally abused as a child when his father had lows.

Tim is being raised this way, verbally abused by a dad who yells at him all the time.

Neither Greg or Howard comprehend that they are verbal abusers - simply because they do not remember the things that they said or the things that they did during their lows.

Greg does not think his father has ever done anything wrong with him - based on the presumption that whenever his dad was low and yelling at him, he was low at the same time and did not remember the things his father said to him.

Tim, not diabetic, no lows, good memory, will come to understand that he is being abused because his teachers at school are noticing changes in his behavior and are talking to him about what's going on at home. Tim will grow up knowing that he is a verbally abused child and he will know why. He will know that his father was completely unaware of what was being said, of what was going on because he was in a low at the time he was angry.

But how many children of diabetic adults grew up being abused, understand they were abused, but do not know that their parents have absolutely no recollection of this because they were in a low (or high) when the event occurred?

I met a 30 something woman not too long ago who told me she was horribly verbally abused as a child. Later in the conversation she told me that her dad was a diabetic who just refused to take care of himself. Something totally clicked in me and I started asking her questions. She realized that her dad probably had been in a low with each outburst and probably had no idea what he had said or done to her over the years. Now, how sad is that?

And where are the studies on the relationship between parents who are diabetics and children who are abused? I'll just bet that ratio is pretty high!

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Where are all the resources for spouses?

I see loads of stuff for parents of kids with diabetes. I see loads of stuff to support families of compliant diabetics. But where are the helps, the supports, the suggestions, ideas for spouses and adult children of non-compliant diabetics?

I have read thousands of webistes that tell you what to do to get better if you are the diabetic. But nothing that tells you how to live with a person who doesn't follow those suggestions.

I've read all the books written on this subject (I think) and only one barely touched the subject - and it was written for adult children of non-compliants (don't ask - I wouldn't remember the book!)

I've read so much about how to prevent diabetes as well.

I've also found frightening little about ESRD - from the standpoint of family life once that sets in, caregiver help, etc.

I've read lots of stuff where they tell the family to be supportive of the diabetic person. Tells you to change your own diet to match that of a diabetic, to only stock the foods they will eat in the house,

that all assumes that the diabetic will be compliant. I see no reason to give up chocolate any more. I gave it up for 7 months and he simply went to the store and bought candy and cookies whenever he wanted them and ate them in front of me!

So, where is the support for families of non-compliant diabetics? Anyone found it yet?