Saturday, March 31, 2012

Where do we go?

TX DW wrote me:    Hope this the correct person...DH married 30 yrs...just pushed into retirement...hubby out of control...I am TX DW.....your life sounds JUST like could be writing my story....where do we go?  Think I will lose it everyday...hubby just sits and assumes everything WILL get done...decided to e-mail as I am having so much problem leaving a comment...but "sister", I totally understand...just don't know if I can make it this time......take care and will pray for you... Thanks for just being out their somewhere...And very curious about selling on Craig's list as we have 1 1/2 houses full and must move into 1100 sq. ft. soon.....thanks again for listening...TX DW

You know, I have asked myself that question many a time.  There just isn't anyplace for spouses to go to get help.  And if you go to a diabetic group, they are just going to tell you to be supportive and I'm still saying that I disagree with that.  It's still not MY disease!!!  One of the reasons I first started this blog was to see if there was anyone else out there living my life.  And wow!  Over the years there have been so many people who have emailed me or posted comments least we now know we are not alone.

I have many moments when I don't know if I will make it either.  But I try to focus on that specific moment and just look ahead to the next one.  If I looked ahead to the whole future....well, I just cannot do that!

My Aunt is here visiting this weekend, so that should keep things calm.  Monday, we drive her to the airport, then go see his endo.  He pretty much knows that he needs to diet and exercise.  I did not know, but he told his GP that he is up to 40 units each morning and night of his Humulin RU500.  So this is really concerning.  We have not changed our eating habits in the past year.  He was pretty stable at 13 U in the AM and 6 U in the evening, but his A1c went to 10.  Now they have increased the Humulin to 40 each and he's gone to 12.1 on the A1c.  Something isn't right!!!  (Remember, he is on concentrated insulin, 5x what a normal diabetic gets.)

Not to mention the tiny little insignificant issue that he didn't mention to me any of the increases.  So Monday's visit is going to be interesting to say the least!

As for craigslist.  Always keep in mind there is safety in numbers.  Never meet the other party alone.  Get a phone number from them before allowing them to come to your house.  Make sure they know someone is there with you.  I have never had a bad experience, but have heard of many.  But I do live in a pretty safe neighborhood/place.  I don't think I'd use craigslist if I lived alone, that's for sure.    Hope that helps!


Thursday, March 29, 2012

another meltdown

This is getting hard.  The day after he officially retired.  He completely lost it.  Said he was going to get in the car and go 180mph and drive into a tree.  I just started crying.  I couldn't help it.  He did leave, but he came back.  And I couldn't quit crying.

I really understand what he's going through.  He feels like he has lost everything.  He can't find a reason to live.  And I am honestly scared to death.

We sat and talked for quite some time.  Then we went to see his GP.  I thought the poor doctor was going to cry for him.  Hubby just looked so utterly sad and lost.  I think the doc understood and gave him an RX for Prozac.  I really help it gets him through this hump in life.

Needless to say, I'm exhausted.  We spent the rest of the afternoon completing his application for disability benefits.  At least that is behind us.  What a painful process.  Just trying to recall dates, addresses, telephone numbers, etc.

Then we decided to drop the price on our house.  We have someone coming to look at it in the morning.  Say a prayer that it sells quickly.  I just continue to pack and sort which is a near heartbreaking experience in itself.  Of course, I have way too many collectibles, but don't we all?  I have the guest bedroom completely packed so that's progress!!!  We continue to sell larger pieces of furniture on craigslist.

I know that we are going to make it through this.  But I need to keep track of the emotions and what we go through.  Probably really not good for a diabetic to go through so many changes so fast.

The doc also gave him a referral to gastroenterology and urology.  His incontinence is back and we want to see if there's anything they can do for the flatulance.  He also has a referral to get counseling.  All moves in the right direction.

Hope your day has been better than ours.

Wife of a (12.1 a1c) diabetic (decided it's time to change my byline.)  :o)

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

A1c is 12.1

Need I say anything else?

No, but I will.  In Sept 05 when I first started keeping track of his labs, it was 6.6.
8.7 in May 07
9.2 in Dec 09
10.5 in January
12.1 now

What damage is that doing to his internal organs?  Is he trying to kill himself?

It has gone down between those readings, but it's like that roller coaster with each peak getting a little higher.

We start a round with all 4 specialists tomorrow.  More labs should be back by tomorrow as he had several panels done this morning.

We have a realtor open house tomorrow, it's his last day of work, and there's retirement party # 3 tomorrow evening.  I just got back from 3 days with my mom and sisters.  They are all so excited that we are moving close to them.  I did look at a couple of houses, found a realtor I like and will go back in 2 weeks to look at more houses.

I just approved 7 comments over my last few posts.  Sorry, but I just don't have time right now to respond to them,  but I really do appreciate them and I do read them.  Hopefully I can respond later this week.

Here's hoping each of you has a great week!