Thursday, February 23, 2017

what would you do?

Yesterday afternoon they buried my ex-mother-in-law.  My son's grandmother.  I did not go to the funeral or graveside but my son (age 38) texted me about 4pm that everyone had left and he was still there.  He said he just wasn't ready to leave yet.  I asked if he wanted me to come sit with him.  He said yes. So I sat and shared as many memories of her life as I could.  Pretty soon, he started telling me things that he recalled from his childhood about her and we were both laughing.

He was so incredibly close to her, loved her so much, and this devastated him.  She had been in a near vegetative state in a nursing home the past few months and we all expected/anticipated her passing.  Still, when it happens, it's not easy.

She was a truly wonderful woman.  She always treated me like her daughter - always welcomed me into her life.

After about an hour of sitting on the ground, talking with my son,  4 cars came back into the cemetery.  He had told me that everyone had gone back to the funeral home for a dinner.  Out of these cars stepped my ex-husband, his brothers and his sister.  I had not seen the ex in 20 years and did not recognize him until he said my name.  What a shock!!  I had seen the siblings in the past few years and knew them immediately.

The ex and I are amicable - we just live in different states and have no reason to run into each other.  So we chatted for a bit.  He said that he got in the night before and was leaving this morning.  I thought, "how odd - your mom just died."  Then he explained that he and his wife were leaving for Cancun on Saturday and they had to get back home (a 10 hour drive) to get ready for that.

We exchanged a few more pleasantries and he left.  It was another half hour of chatting with my son before he decided that he was ready to tell his grandma goodbye and we left the cemetery.

Funny how the reactions of death by others give you reason to ponder what you would do.  When my own mother died, I think in retrospect I was brain paralyzed.  I don't think I functioned properly for several months - I just went through the motions of life.  I was with her, holding her hand, when she took her last breath.  How oddly different this ex husband who waited til 3 days after his mom died to make the trip here, stayed 36 hours and took off because he has a vacation to attend to.

And then I smacked myself silly!  I am leaving next week to go overseas for 5 weeks with my youngest sister.  We have been planning this trip for the past 6 months.  What if my husband were to die the morning we leave.  Would I cancel that trip?  Wow!  Now there's a wake-up call!  What would I do?  And of course I can't answer that because I don't think we ever know what we will do in a crisis.  But did my ex-husband just give me permission to stick with my travel plans?   I should clarify that the ex is a full-time mortician.  Has he seen so much death in his life that he is numb to it - even the death of his own mother?  Perhaps.

Or has he learned how to process death, prepare for death, deal with it and get on with life.  Is it just another moment in his life?  It really gave me reason to stop and ponder - what is the proper protocol when someone dies.....and does it matter what others think about how you react to death?

Now, I truly doubt hubby is going to die in the next week.  But that leads to the next discussion.  A couple of days ago he started vomiting and having diarrhea.  I did some googling and came up with a new one....diabetic gastroparesis.  That's when food doesn't digest, stays in the stomach too long, and comes back up.  He pretty much has all the symptoms.  I suggested he call his doctor.  He said he wouldn't.  I asked when his next appointment was.  He said Apr 27.  If he's not better today I will strongly urge him to call his doctor.

Last night, he asked if we had any chicken broth.  OK - not something I stock but I got him a can of chicken noodle soup.  I suggested that he might want to just have some dry toast and let his stomach rest.  He replied that he was having a sugar low and had run out of glucose tablets.  How can he run out of glucose tabs?  Is he just not thinking?  Sometimes you just have to wonder!

I wanted to post this as I won't be posting again until late April.  This trip is a much needed getaway.  He will be fine.  We will Skype every day and keep in touch.  I'm looking forward to this adventure so much!  Hope you all have a great month!


PS - there were a couple of comments that I deleted because they were full of weird characters.  If it was your comment, I apologize.  But I honestly couldn't quite make out the content because of all the weird letters/symbols.  I think that happens if you use a fancy font that the internet doesn't recognize.