Friday, August 31, 2007

and more movies?

We ALWAYS go out on Friday nite. We call it "Friday nite, date nite". We almost always go to dinner and a movie.

So, this afternoon, I showered and got dressed to go out, brought the laptop downstairs and started asking him what movie he wanted to go see. I could instantly tell from his tone that something was wrong, so I just asked him. Come to find out that he doesn't want to go to movies anymore. He said it's too much trouble to change clothes, go stand in line to get tickets, and too much hassle dealing with people in the movie.

Personally, I think it's because he hurts and just doesn't feel like moving any more than he absolutely has to. He quit work about noon today and has been sleeping on the sofa ever since.

So date nite will now be to order pizza and wings in and watch another movie on TV.

I realize that pain makes a person miserable. But I'm the spouse. And I just don't want to live this miserable lifestyle. Not tonight. I'm not a recluse, I don't want to spend the rest of my days in this house. Don't tell me diabetes doesn't have an impact on the spouse. It sure as heck does! And yes, of course, I can go to dinner and the movies alone....but then what is the point of being married?

I am so pissed off at this %&*(@#$^$*(!#$&(* disease right now I could just scream.

We have a 3 day weekend and I'm going to predict that we sit here and watch TV the entire time. Well...he will. NOT ME!

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Sleepless nights

The past 2 nights have just been horrible. It could be due to my brother-in-law's heart attack (he is going to be just fine). But my hobby has had such a bad restless foot syndrome I don't know what to do. On Monday night, he went to sleep with his head at the other end of the bed (close to the TV) and his foot kept flopping right into my face....hard! I finally woke him up and asked him to turn around. He is not wearing his CPAP, so I asked him to please put that back on which he did last night. But he flopped all night long again.

The flops are so hard they literally bounce me in the bed. Very difficult to get any kind of sleep, yet he seems to sleep right through them. His foot will raise at least a foot up off the bed and then flop back down.

He had to get up at 5 am this morning for a business call and he got dressed as he was going to go into the office today. Of course, he sat on the edge of the bed and bounced as he put his shoes on. But I noticed his breathing. This is not the first time I've noticed this, it was very short, rapid and labored breathing. Almost like panting for pregnant women. I don't think he was aware of it at all and it has happened a few times. It's like the least bit of physical activity and he starts to pant.

My sis has gone back to the hospital and hubby has gone to work and I realized this is the FIRST time I've been totally alone in 2 weeks! And I'm so tired all I want to do is go to sleep. But if I sleep today, then I will be awake all night tonight. And I'm certain that he has no idea whatsoever that I haven't slept the past 2 nights. I told my sis this morning that I don't need separate bedrooms...I need a separate house! LOL! She got serious on me and told me that I need to start planning for the day when he has a heart attack. And that made me even more tired. I can't even think about it right now. Maybe tomorrow or the next day. How on earth does one plan for that? Something to ponder.

Monday, August 27, 2007

The body's amazing ability to heal

So, someone stepped on hubby's sore foot and he did not walk for 3 days. On day 4, he was back to normal. Thank goodness! I think he is learning how to manage his injuries a bit better, and what to do when he has an open sore. The pressure from the impact forced his wound open, so it was oozing puss once again, but it has healed closed which is record time for him. Which is a blessing.

He is also doing so much better with what he eats. Today for lunch, he opted for grilled chicken breast. I believe that my eating changes are catching up with him. He is drinking less and less soda, more water. I can tell by the number of bottles that we go through each month. It may not be long before I have to increase our order.

He is sleeping a little less throughout the day and having a little more energy. He is not being real faithful about his CPAP, but at least he is trying to use it.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if the kidney's could heal themselves as well? For the moment, I'm grateful for the progress he is making.


Life changes in a single moment

My sis and her hubby were with us all last week in Vegas. We went out riding in the mountains on our ATVs yesterday and had a great time. We all went to the kennel this morning to pick up our pets and they left to go 2 1/2 miles through the mountains to their home. I knew that he was going back to work at noon today. At 2:30, I got a phone call from her telling me that he had had a heart attack and they were air lifting him to the "big" city.

And I just started crying. He is only 54 years old. Just a year younger than me. Way too young. And I know she is not ready for this at all.

There are a zillion things that flash through your mind. Like....I just saw him this morning. He was perfectly ok. He looked great. Are you sure he had a heart attack? Is this some kind of a joke?

She had just had my hubby help her place an order for a new computer online last night and wanted me to cancel the order. Amazing what you can do when you explain that someone has just had a major heart attack and you don't know if they will live or not. Amazing service. The order had shipped, but the guy was going to contact the carrier and have them return it.

Amazing what your priorities in life are when someone has a heart attack. My youngest sister's husband went to sleep about 3 years ago and never woke up. Had a heart attack while sleeping. I don't think my family has recovered from that loss yet. And now this.

I called her back and he is stable. We have another sis (mom was smart to have so many kids!) who lives next door and she is driving her halfway down and I will meet her and bring her into the hospital. I am so glad we live in the "big city" so she has family here and isn't stuck alone in a hotel at night. But things to think about when planning for our future.

Do you ever have enough insurance? Is there money set aside to pay for hotel rooms? Is there an empty credit card for emergencies? How long does it take to find the DNR? What do you do with the pets? And will there be a tomorrow?

My brother-in-law does not have diabetes. He works in construction and I've always thought him to be remarkably healthy. While in Vegas, he walked about 10 miles per day before the heat set in. I so admired him for his ability to get out and do that. Proof that life is not partial to those who are healthiest, or to those who are sickest. But the question is, how well do we plan for what might happen? Can we plan for it?

I do think that my hubby and I need to start now planning for the future. For what might happen. I know I keep a credit card that has a $10K limit empty. I used to joke and tell him that it was in case he died overseas while traveling for work. Now I'm thinking I need a couple of those in case I have to air lift either one of us somewhere and we need nursing home care, etc.

I have a couple of hours before I need to go meet her and be off to the hospital. Me, who hates (abhors) hospitals....but at least he is alive. Prayer is a powerful thing and I've already put out the call for more. I believe in it more than anything. But I also believe that Jehovah knows what is best for all of us.

Life changes in a single moment. In the blink of an eye. In one phone call. In one breath.

I need to do a better job of taking care of the life that I have, and in planning for my own future.