Sunday, December 09, 2012


He's home.

This is not my disease.

I can not change him.

I cannot fix him.

He is going to die.

This is his life, not mine.

There is no reason for me to get upset because I cannot change him.

These are his choices.

I am the only person who can make myself happy.

Just some of the mantras that help me get through each day, moment by moment.

Things are going pretty well.

As long as I remind myself of the above...moment by moment.

He is very happy to be home.  We have so much to do.  So many decisions to be made.  But not today.  His dad and brother are here and that is more than enough stress for me.  I also am not doing well with all the indecisiveness going on.  So i am moving forward with my own plans.  I will go back to his dads with him in a few weeks and stay until about 1/13.  Then I will come home.  He can make his own decisions.  Life will continue no matter what he decides.  This much I have learned!

Little things that he doesn't see.  He got home Friday night.  It is now Sunday night.  So in the last 48 hours, here is what he has eaten

Pound of grapes
Half pound of chicken
Quart of v8 juice
Egg muffin
Egg, bacon. Potatoes and muffin breakfast at a restaurant
5 slices of a large pizza
Egg, bacon biscuit
Meet, cheese and cracker tray
Burrito, potatoes and rice at a restaurant
Chips and salsa
Half a box of vanilla wafers

I cannot afford to have him here!!!

But for  now, all is well.

For that, I m extremely grateful.