Saturday, February 05, 2011

12 hours of sleep

You would think t would help. But I have cried so much today. I came in and he is now on infectious care. I have to gown up to see him.
2nd dialysis today
Vomiting in bed all over himself
NG tube back in and they have pumped out 2800cc - yes, you read that right- in the last 4 hours.
Internal bleeding
Oxygen back up to 6 ltr
Colostomy and catheter
I have had to leave a few times just to compose myself. Know that I need to walk away and go home, but that scares me.

I love him so much

I walked in and he put his arm up and I said, what do you need? He whispered, hold me. I wrapped both arms around his arm and said again, what do you need? He whispered, I just want you to hold me. So I sat for 1 1/2 hours just holding his hand.

My heart is breaking.

I'm going home to watch the hallmark channel and sob my heart out. My girlfriends are bringing comfort food. I pray tomorrow is better. I know this guy and have seen him turn things around before so I haven't given up hope yet



Lilly said...

Sounds as if you are doing all you can under the circumstances: being there for him, but also giving yourself time for Hallmark movies and crying. Sometimes, that's all we can do. My heart goes out to you, and I'm glad to hear that your girlfriends are offering you support.

tina said...

My heart is breaking for you tonight, I am so sorry for all the pain that you are enduring at this difficult time. This is so unfair, diabetes is your hubby's disease, but it effects your whole life. I am right with you! My hubby has been on dialysis for a long time and I know it is so hard for both of you. These decisions are so very hard. My heart and prayers are with you through this very, very, hard time. Try to sleep and get well rested and know you are not alone ... Sending much love and support your way ..........

Lynn Barry said...

Never give up is right...holding his hand for an hour and a half is inspiring and my heart aches for you both...hugs and love and prayers and gratitude for sharing your story. You are pretty amazing. So is your man. XO