Saturday, March 07, 2009

6 am low

Just more notes about the "journey". He woke up at 6 am, got the peanut butter and crackers out of the closet and turned on the TV to Saturday morning cartoons! I sleepily asked him what he was doing and he said, "I'm having a low."

Well, I'm wondering where was the high he had to have had in order to balance the low so his A1c is normal? I have totally been missing his highs as he seems to be having more lows.

I've had a guest here for a week and he came out one day and it was about 10:30 am. He was in such a low and I knew it immediately. He was banging and slamming on the ice machine in the refrigerator. He yelled at me to see if I had called them to come fix it. I said, "you just need to replace the filter". He yells that the light is not on, it doesn't need to be replaced. Of course, my guest is here as well as another friend, so I very quietly said, "I think you've forgotten, the filter goes bad a few days before the light goes on". (We have a new refrig and you can't make ice if the filter isn't working.) So he wants to know where the filter is and I told him it was under the kitchen sink.

He proceeds to come into my studio where my friends and I are, brings the box over to me, sticks it like 3" under my nose and says, "Can't you read at all? It says you don't replace until the light comes on?" and in such a demeaning tone of voice.

So what do you do? Ignore him? That will just continue his litle tirade. I totally knew he was in a low as pissed off and irrational as he was acting. I also knew he would forget it completely when it was over. Yet I have 2 friends right there and I sensed how horribly uncomfortable they were. So I said in a very quiet voice, "well, why don't you try the filter anyway and if that doesn't work, I will call the repair guy?"

He stormed out of room and I looked at my friends and said ever so quietly, "now you know what a sugar low is like."

Of course, replacing the filter was all it took and the ice machine worked just fine. He got his ice, went upstairs, and my friends and I had a lengthly discussion about sugar highs and lows and the "real" nightmare of my life that I continue to cover up to the best of my ability.

If nothing else, I think my friends are better friends now as they know another aspect of my personal life. One I would have preferred to keep from them.

I just think it's so sad that he has chosen this route of non-compliance. These highs and lows cannot be good for him physically, yet he apparently doesn't get that. And I have to admit, for a man the age he is, he doesn't have very many close male friends and I imagine this is exactly why. No one else seems to really understand the emotional and social aspects of this disease. If he spoke to friends the way he did to me on that day, I doubt he would have them as friends. Women are a little different. My friends witnessed his verbal treatment of me, have sympathy for what I deal with, and are closer friends and will support me even more. Because I sat here and explained the situation to them and assured them that he most likely had no idea how he was treating me at that moment.

And most of my friends have witnessed how sweet and wonderful he can be when he is "normal". So they know that was not his usual behavior.

Back to today. It's now 7 am and I guess I'm awake for the rest of the day while I hear him upstairs snoring. And I wonder why I'm tired! LOL!!!