I too, have a diabetic husband (type 1). He's been diagnosed since he was 19, and is now 62. His overall health is good..no neuropathy, eye, or kidney problems. He watches closely what he eats, and tests several times a day. I am thankful for this, however despite all he does, he still has insulin reactions several times a week that leave me drained and anxious. He hates my suggestions, and interventions. Like many of you say, he doesn't remember how he behaves during a reaction. When I suggest looking into an insulin pump or going to a "real" diabetes Dr., he gets angry, and this usually ends up as an argument, where I am the bad wife, and all is on my shoulders. I had no idea I was not alone in this battle! Whining doesn't help, but knowing that there are other spouses out there that might be able to help each other with solutions, moral support, and just an "I know what you're going through" is wonderful! It is very hard to feel as though you sometimes hold your mates life in your hands. I have decided dto explore every avenue I can to help him, then, when I've done that...I'll try my best to let go, and it's in his ball park.
Trust me, you are NOT alone!!! I should have kept a log of all the comments over the years just to this blog alone! We are "alone" only in the fact that the medical world does not acknowledge that this disease has a HUGE impact on the entire family. It affects how children are raised. It affects divorce rates. (I have to wonder how many spouses simply walk away quietly - my husband's ex did).
And I honestly, really do know what you are going through. No, whining won't help. Being argumentative doesn't help. OK, not really much of anything "helps". LOL! But it is sure nice to know we are not alone. It's nice to hear how other's cope and survive. It's heart breaking to hear when the spouse dies. Or becomes abusive.
My wish in all this is that the medical world would wake up, start to listen, and somehow offer help. I think I had my best period when the doctor/nurse asked my husband to track and write down his blood levels 8 times a day and then she actually took the time to chart out his highs and lows. He was conscious of the impact on his mood as I was tracking them at the same time.
And I wish someone in the medical arena would actually start to acknowledge the memory loss that occurs as blood sugar levels drop or go sky high.
All that being said, If my husband was not going to a "real" diabetes doctor, I would be beyond livid. There is simply no excuse for that. So are we back to the question here.....is he in denial? Because if he is not seeking proper medical attention, then he must be in denial on some level. And if he is, then all we can do is acknowledge that is where he is and understand that yes, it really is in his ballpark.
Letting go is impossible to do because as women, we want to nurture and heal. As men, I think the general concensus is that we want to fix and make it all well. Same thing. We all love our spouses and want them to be well, or at least be on a smooth level of care with no highs and lows. Research and information do help. But bottom line, it's their disease.....not ours....it's their ballpark, their ballgame. We can pitch the ball.....but they have to decide whether to hit a home run, bat out, bat it foul....or just drop the ball altoghere. Not much any of us can do about that!