Thursday, July 19, 2007

Is my husband, a type 2 diabetic, a sick person?

I get so many anonymous posts telling me that diabetics are NOT sick. That they can be perfectly healthy. And I find that quite troubling....looking at this from the viewpoint of a healthy person (me).

My husband is a diabetic. He has a disease. Even if he were to have it under perfectly good excellent control and be in a "healthy" state, he would still be a sick man because he has a disease. I don't quite understand how anyone with any disease can be considered a healthy person. Perhaps I need help with the meaning of the word healthy!

So I looked up the word in an online dictionary and it says, "having or indicating good health in body or mind; free from infirmity or disease". Quite simply then, one who has a disease of any kind cannot be healthy.

Next I thought...look up the word "disease". And it said, "an impairment of health or a condition of abnormal functioning".

I'm pretty sure that diabetes is a disease. So I searched for lists of diseases and sure enough, diabetes is on every list out there.

So next I looked up the word "sick" and found: "afflicted with ill health or disease".

I'm going to stick with my original thoughts that if a person has diabetes in any form at any stage, then the person is sick, not healthy, and there is no way that person can be healthy. And for me, that explains so much. I will agree that there are various levels of sickness, some more sick than others, some more progressed in their stage of this disease than others. But if the person has diabetes, they are not well, they are not healthy. There just is no such thing as a "healthy diabetic".

I think that if my husband understood that, he might be more able to accept this disease and exactly how far it has progressed in his body. I think the term "healthy diabetic" has done more to harm him and prevent him from facing this disease head on than anything else.

When people email me and say that they are a "healthy diabetic" living a "healthy" life, I have to wonder if they are in denial as well? Why not just state the fact? "I have a disease, but it is under control"?

I raised 2 sons who had diseases. One had grand mal seizures, up to 7 a day. He did not have epilepsy as he did not have the "spike" in his brain waves. But we called it epilepsy for lack of any other explanation. For the most part, the seizures are under control today, but he needs to let those who are close to him know that he has this disease, this condition, so that when he does have a seizure, they are not taken by surprise. If he were to go around telling everyone that he is healthy, what a shock then if he were to have a seizure!

And if my husband were to tell anyone that he is a healthy would he ever explain a crash at the neighbors house where we have to call 911 and rush him to ER? We simply let our friends know that he is a diabetic and does have crashes where he will pass out. They all know what to do.

Maybe there's a good reason why the dictionary defines a healthy person as one who does not have a disease. Maybe it's good to let the people around you know that you have a disease....just so they can be a little more prepared if something were to go wrong.

And finally, is saying that a diabetic is a healthy person a form of denial? In my opinion, I think it well could be.

Thank you Simon!

I can't thank you enough for what you wrote.

I think you have nailed it much better than I ever could. You have made my day. I struggle so often with finding the words to express what it is that I'm feeling.....while at the very same time struggling with that daily choice that all spouses must make....stay, or just walk away.

Walking away is the easy option. And trust me, there are moments when it looks like the only option. There are times when I think it's the only way I can survive. But I'm still here! Thus far! Yes, because I love him that much.

In life, do we choose the easy path? Do we take the route that is best for us? Or do we stick out the current ride and see where it takes us? It's a choice that each one of us must make on a daily basis....sometimes every moment of every hour of every day.

We are having a really good week here which makes me so grateful that I've chosen the path I'm on. But I'm also quite aware from past experience that a really good week can turn into the week from hell almost overnight. So I will love this moment for all it has to offer me and not worry about the next one!

Thank you for your support. From the bottom of my heart!


Wednesday, July 18, 2007

On moving

I'm going to have to think about how I name my posts so I can find them when I want to reread them. So there's going to be a bunch on moving so I can sort out my own thoughts on this one.

It's been our main topic of conversation. He asked me to check out some new condos going in, which I did and they are stunning! One level. Elevator access. About 2 blocks from a grocery store. So that got us to discussing all of the ammenities we are going to need and I'm listing them here so I can add to them as we have more converstaions. I swear, developers are just not taking into consideration baby-boomer's needs....let alone ADA.

We need:

1800+ square feet
2 bedrooms minimum
1 car garage or underground parking
elevator access to the unit
one floor unit or personal elevator inside the unit to access all floors
wheelchair accessible unit/halls/bathrooms/shower

close to grocery store
close to bank/post office
close to public transportation
exterior deck/patio
doggie park/run

Things I'd like:
breakfast bar
live/work unit to keep my studio
place for workout equipment

Last night, he said I could look in the area where my sisters live. It's 2 1/2 hours away and I never dreamt he would even consider moving there. It's at a higher altitude as well and I'm not sure he would do better there at all. I'm starting to think a lower altitude would be better, but not sure.

I looked at some live/work lofts yesterday as well. They are almost too big, but I love everything about them except there is no elevator access to the upper 2 levels. It would be perfect for me and I could actually expand my studio and have retail hours. I probably wouldn't open a store, but I'd love to have a "real" place to have classes other than in my unfinished basement. The stairs in these units go up and then at the top, there is a platform landing, so the 2nd floor splits and part of it goes off to the left and then 3 more steps up to the kitchen/living area. The same with the 3rd floor. So even if you put an elevator in, you would need 4 stops, or the 3 steps down would be unaccessible with a wheelchair.

I would really prefer loft living as I'm thinking open, no halls, easier to move around in.....the gal who showed these to me said they were building some more about 10 miles away and we could go to the contractor now and discuss an elevator inside. When I explained the split levels she said she would go talk to them about having floors 2 and 3 all on one level. So I'm waiting to hear back from her on that before I move forward.

I'm really torn between living where we are (city, all the ammenities, close shopping/doctors, etc) and moving to where my sisters live (small town, higher altitude, 2 1/2 hours away from "real" shopping). I know I can do all my shopping online, but I also know how much he likes to eat out. Moving away from all these restaurants might be ok from that aspect. But housing prices are obviously higher where they live and there are no live/work lofts...ok, there are no lofts, only condos. If I could talk to a builder, we might be able to design a condo with no walls, so that's an option as well.

Lots to think about and if I write it all down, then I won't "forget" the things I need to think about.

I really think he might be serious this time. But I also realize that when we go to actually computing the cost/time/energy in moving, that might change his mind!

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

2:00 am and a big low

I woke up and he was downstairs. So I came down to make sure he was ok. No, he was having a major low. I can almost see it in his eyes these days. They get all glossed over and he just can't seem to focus when he looks at me. He was eating canned peaches. I sat down beside him and rubbed his back for about 10 minutes, asking if there was anything I could do to help. He said, "Just sit here with me".

It's been awhile since he's had a middle-of-the night low. But with a high A1c, I still can't figure out when he is having his highs.

I'm glad that he still wakes up, but I often worry that he won't.

This is a low that he won't remember. When he wakes up he will feel like he slept all night long. I also find that to be so strange. He's back sound asleep, I can hear him snoring.

As for me...I'm wide awake!

Monday, July 16, 2007

Can diabetics read???

LMBO! OK, for all of you who send me your nasty little annonymous comments that I will continue to all need to learn how to read!

Anyone who writes to me about type 1 diabetes obviously does not have the ability to read that my hubby has type 2 and that's what I'm writing about and NO, I will NOT post that information in each and every single post I make!

Anyone who writes to me that what I write is way too personal, well, duh! It's MY PERSONAL get over it!

Anyone who tells me not to be giving advice to diabetics....ok...I have absolutely no intention of doing that at all! READ! I am just merely writing my thoughts and sharing them with other women who are in my situation.

We are NOT diabetics.....we are LIVING with UNCONTROLLED, non-compliant diabetic spouses.....READ the name of my blog! LOLOL! For heavens sake....don't take it so's not about YOU! It's about ME and what I am experienceing and living with on a daily basis.

And let's just discuss attitude for a moment. Most of you who email me and I reject your comments have an attitude 100 times worse than my poor hubby, so I can't fathom being married to you or you having/raising children! Get over yourself! It's a disease. You have lows and highs where you do not remember what you say or do and THAT is the part I blog about. Those incredibly horrible moments when my hubby turns into this unleashed monster that absolutely no one would want to be around.

It's your disease and you have to deal with it. But don't email me and think I'm going to post your negative, nasty, horrendous letters.....especially when you have not taken the time to read all of my blogs and when you are so inconsiderate and lazy that you think for a second this disease has not or will not affect you in the same manner in which it has consumed my husband.

WOW! I feel great now!

OH, and the only way you can prove to me that you can read if you are a diabetic is to carefully read ALL of my posts and then decide if you still need to vent to me! Remember....I'm NOT talking about Type 1 diabetes matter what the similarities are and if you think I am, that's all the proof we need that you don't know how to read!!!


Sunday, July 15, 2007

He's gone round the bend!

OK...I'm laughing as I write this. A lot of history here, so this may be long, but I need to get it out!

In October, 2005, I had the chance to move to Phoenix and go to work for an art company that I was designing for. Hubby encouraged me to go and said that in the spring, he would spruce up the house, sell it, and move down to join me. Unknown to me, the next month, he refinanced the house and then said we could not afford to sell it. I stayed south for the winter and then came home....madder than a wet hen at him for refinancing behind my back because I knew he did it because he did not want to move. Yes, even after he told me he would move.

We have since replaced most of the items HE sold at a garage sale in anticipation of the move. Things like a riding lawn tractor, garden wagon, etc.

I have resigned myself to living in this house forever and started fixing it the way I want. Moved my studio to the basement. Spent a fortune on 10 classroom tables, wheeled chairs, etc. Last week, we strung cables for satellite TV in the studio and the guest bedroom.....doing things that we have never done, making this a place we can enjoy.

So today, we are driving to brunch and pass a new condo development and he says, "why don't you check those out?" I just looked at him and said, "you want to move to a condo?" and he says, "yes, I think it's time".

Half of me says go find one today and sign the contract because in 3 months he will change his mind! But at brunch, I decided to ask a bunch of questions. You know, things like, "do you want a garage?" "no" "well, where would we store the ATV?" "I'll have to think about that I guess"

"are you going to sell the new garden tractor"


"where would you put that in a condo?"

So I decided that he really has not thought this out....but I will start looking for a one story loft or condo as I know he is not going to be able to do stairs much longer and I know he can't continue to maintain the yard and outside of this house.

But I swear....why didn't he just move with me 2 years ago? It would all be over by now as we had said back then we would move to a loft.

Men! I think they can be so funny!