When it comes to pass that you start to think about whether or not to let another man into your life, I'd like to know your thoughts. Sometimes I feel like I'll never want another person to make me their nursemaid (or a slave to their lifestyle) again. Other times I have hope that it's possible to find happiness in a shared life with someone who takes good care of themselves and so might even help you (me) to also be better and healthier and happier for the relationship. There are many different points of view on this but I'd really like to hear your thoughts as you go. Thanks again for your honesty and forthright-ness. Managing (but barely)
And you know, a month ago I would have screamed "absolutely not!" But a couple of days after my last post, my youngest sister decided that we should take a last minute getaway trip over the Christmas break. She wanted a beach. And nothing outside of this country. So we found a cheap flight to San Diego, then a beach front hotel and upgraded to a beach front room and wow! it was exactly what I needed and I didn't even know it!
She has been a widow for 15 years (compared to my 5 months) and is wise beyond her age. She said that if the right man came along, she would consider letting him into her life. However, her list of criteria for this perfect specimen is probably unattainable! LOL!!! She said that for the first year after her husband passed away, the thought didn't even cross her mind. Then she attempted to date. Two different men. Both were huge failures. And she was much younger - in her early 50s. So she quit dating altogether.
However, about 9 months ago she moved into a retirement center and she has been meeting the men there, socializing, getting involved in events and has decided that what she once thought was impossible is now at least a thought.
She also acknowledged that it would not be a thought for me and that is so true! But she told me to be open about something down the line.
So that's her wise advice. At the moment, there is just no possible way that I will ever open myself up to any relationship. As the comment said - to take on the job of caregiver again? And at my age, that is likely what would happen at some point down the line.
I miss him. I really do. I still have weapy days. I have tear-jerk moments over the silliest things. I kept a bottle of his cologne because I have to get to where I can smell it without crying. Stupid and sad. But it's all part of the journey back to normal.
I still get so pissed off about how much work I did to take care of him. Yet I would do it again in a heartbeat because I loved him. I get pissed off when I meet someone who has diabetes and they tell me they don't care - that they are going to eat whatever they want. I literally have to walk away so that I don't explode! And I do explode whenever anyone tells me they are pro-marijuana!
So to go through any or all of this again in my lifetime seems utterly ridiculous at this point. However, love is blind and we all go into a situation with rose colored glasses. I've learned that if nothing else!!!
Pretty sure my goal right now is to find happiness in my life on my own without anyone else. And I am getting there! I have an interview with a realtor this afternoon and will line up a few more in the next 2-3 weeks. I'm applying at more apartment complexes to try and find a small apartment that I can move into so I can get my house on the market. All the while I'm sorting, boxing, packing, making trips to goodwill, listing a few things on ebay.....cleaning out the clutter and downsizing. This little town will be my home base as 2 sisters live here, but I really want to travel. Take trips like we just did. Get away as often as I can. Find out who I really am - without the burden of caring for another person.
Overall, I'm doing better than I thought I would and that's a huge plus! Tonight is New Year's Eve and I'd like to wish each of you a very happy New Year. May 2019 be filled with blessings, joy and good health!
DW
