Saturday, August 04, 2012


No word on the mammogram yet.  I've decided that's good news.  I will get a letter in the mail saying all is well.

Ok, that's what I'm praying for!

My turn with mom.  Oh, how my heart grieves for her.  She is sleeping now, but only due to the drugs she is taking to kill her pain.

Hubby drove 2 hours today to be at his granddaughters birthday party.  I had to stay and sit with mom as both sisters had to work this afternoon.

He is still going low way too much.   His shoulder hurts so bad and now he is driving 4 hours to and from this party.  And the child won't remember he was there.

Just so sad.

I think I am finally caught up with my sleep.   Gardening is such a blessing.  I can lovingly care for the plants and beat the crap out of the ground as I prepare it for new plants.  LOL!!!

This evening I plan to paint rocks and make them look like ladybugs and put them on the garden shed deck.  Time to do something fun!!


Thursday, August 02, 2012

and he's over it

within 24 hours - he was back talking to me like nothing happened.

had my follow up mammogram yesterday.  No one there to read it.  So it's still "wait and see".

We have so very many medical practitioners - who are always on vacation or in a meeting.

the future of our healthcare?

we had to drive to our old residence to have it done as I haven't change my hmo yet because I didn't want to start this process all over again.

Mom is worse.  2 of my sisters and I are starting 24 hr care today.  My day.  It's going to be a long day. I'm eternally grateful that we are only 2 blocks away and that I can help.


Monday, July 30, 2012


Two mornings ago, he walked outside of the house, outside the garage, into the back yard, in his tidy put the pups in the kennel.  I was already outside in the garden and when I saw him, I simply gasped!!!  This is a man who looks like he is 7 months pregnant....and he's  outside in nothing but his briefs.  No, not boxers...briefs.

OH MY GOD!!!  I simply wanted to scream my head off.  I quietly followed him into the house and in the quietest voice, I said, "please put some clothes on before you come outside."  He said, "why?  No one is going to see me"

I explained that our drive goes into the alley and anyone can go down that alley at any time.  My sisters drive into the back (our garage opens to the back yard and entrance is from the alley, and I'm usually in the garden) any time.

What on earth was he thinking?  That he could go outside completely undressed?  Is he losing his mind???

Then this morning - I know he was having a severe low - and he came completely unglued over a question I asked him.  And that lead to him screaming his head off about every grievance he has ever had in his entire life.  Mostly that no one cares about him, he should go kill himself, he's going to move out as soon as......

Honestly, he was yelling so loud and his words were so slurred I have no idea what he said.  I went to my sisters and spent the whole day there.  Came home about  5 pm and worked in the flower beds.  Came inside to a kitchen that had every pot and pan out on the cabinet - dirty.  The counter tops were a mess.  I'm not sure what he tried to fix today and I have no idea why it took every pan in the house.  I loaded them into the dishwasher and cleaned up the kitchen.  He must think I'm his personal maid.  Wait....I guess I am!!!  LOL!!!  I'm going to put my jammies on and close my door and watch a movie.

I'm just so tired of the ups and downs, the emotional roller coaster, the yelling, accusations, know what I'm talking about and it does help to know that there are other spouses who understand.