Sunday, October 07, 2012

Hospice, so wonderful

They offer support for an entire yer to the whole family.  My sisters and I will start a class this week.  Last week we went to a group session...just to hear what they had to say.  I think it will help.

Grief applies to spouses of diabetics as we lose the normal spouse we married and as we lose his ability to do things.  The loss of sexual relations due to ED.  The loss of having an able bodied spouse who can help.  The loss of money that goes to pay for medical expenses.  The loss of a job because you have to take care of someone else.  The loss of the marriage because you can no longer take all the highs and lows.  There are just so very many losses with this disease.

Last week they said don't do anything fast.  Don't make any quick decisions.  Don't get rid of the deceased's stuff.  I thought that was interesting.   We gave out all of moms belongings within a week.  She was staying with my sister who just wanted to get back some semblance of a normal life and she had given up her bedroom for mom to stay there.  I will never fault her for doing what she did with such great speed.

But hubby's dad is different.  He will need to hold on to MILs stuff, touch it, feel it, remember her through it.  Proof we each grieve in a different way.  And I think each of us spouses must surely grieve the loss of our healthy spouses in a different way.

I wonder what would happen if I went to a grief support group and said I was there to grieve the loss of my healthy husband.  Would they ask me to leave?  But that is exactly what I did for quite a long time.  And I go thru the whole grief process every time we have to give up something we enjoy doing because he has a new set of problems.

I hope that as I progress thru this series of classes that I can process the loss of my mom and his mom.  But I hope I can apply it to the loss of my healthy husband as well.  It's going to be interesting to say the least.

Tonight he is tired and wants to come home, but knows that he has to stay there until his sister in law arrives which will be a few more weeks.  He was listing all the things he missed here...but sort of changed his tune when on I said I missed him....I missed him mowing the yard, missed him picking up the mail, missed him doing this and that.  Maybe he's not missing it here nearly as much as he thought!  LOL!!!