Saturday, June 23, 2007

What do doctors really know?

My husband went to his doctor yesterday. They told him his feet were in excellent condition. And I said, "with all those lumps and bumps????" I almost laughed! However, upon further explanation on his part....the "excellent" condition is the fact that there are now no open boils or open sores (ok....can we just say 8 days in the ocean water will heal most anything?) And what good timing on his visit the doctor after he's had is feet soaking in "salt water" for 8 days!

Yet I do not see how any doctor could actually say to this man "excellent condition" when his feet still look worse than the photos I posted on the side of this blog. Note, those are NOT his feet...just similar photos I pulled off the web. His feet have many more nodules and lumps and little yellow pointed boil type things on them. He has been hobbling since Thursday night and was hobbling when he went in for the doctor's visit.

I think I have less and less confidence in physicians as they continue to look at one single element of what's going on with him and not with the entire picture. And they have absolutely no idea what it does to say something like this to a man who is in denial that he even has diabetes!!! OIY!

The good news, ok, the really great news is that they also told him his insurance will cover one pair of shoes and a free shoe fitting and they scheduled that for him. I, of course, have been telling him for 3 years that he needs to get diabetic shoes made for his feet, but he has never shown the least bit of interest. But now he is excited to get special shoes made. If only they would tell him to wear diabetic socks...ok, I can at least hope they will do that when he goes in for a fitting. He absolutely refuses to wear socks, even in the dead of winter when there is 3' of snow on the ground!!! Ever since I met him, he has been wearing "boat shoes"....sort of look like the old penny loafers, some call them deck shoes I think, with no socks. At least he will be getting fitted shoes and I truly hope they help him.

The other problem is that they told him he has a bunion and have started treating him for that. He has forgotten that a different doctor told him it was his tophi gout. So it will be interesting to see what happens with the area that is so infected at the moment. For some reason, I don't think a bunion would get infected the same way tophi gout does. But again, I'm not a doctor and he's not going to listen to me. However, I must say, I'm delighted that he at least listened to the doctor yesterday and actually scheduled the appointment with the people to get fitted for shoes. That's progress in my book!

But it still seems like we are treating the end result, not looking at what the cause is. As long as his sugar levels remain out of control, I don't see any means of improving what's going on. But at least he's listening to suggestions for relief on the results. I'll take baby steps at this time!

Thursday, June 21, 2007

If you had one wish....

what would it be? OK, I know I'm just talking out loud here, but I wonder if there are spouses of diabetics reading my blog, and you had one wish, what would it be? Aside from wishing this disease would go away!

I want to dance. With my husband. I want us to take ballroom dance lessons. It's the reason we met! I put an ad on a singles website posting that I was looking for a dance partner. We met. We went over the local dance class adds in the weekly newspaper.....but we never took the class. It seemed like there was always something that came up. He was always traveling and gone back then (about 9 years ago). Or he had family events. Or he would schedule us to go to a show or play. Every time I tried to schedule a that met one or two nights a week for 4 - 6 weeks....there was always a reason he couldn't take the class. I should have known then.....but I think I was "in love" and just not even thinking!

We took one class after we got married and he did nothing but complain about how bad it hurt his feet. 25 years ago, I was dating a guy who was an Arthur Murray dance instructor and I absolutely loved to dance. I still know how....and I still need a partner! LOL!

Tonight, I think I realized I have to make a choice. I either have to put this dream on hold until my husband dies. Or I can go to dance classes and dance with someone else. He is never going to dance with me. I think I have held out hope for 9 years. But in reality, it's just not going to happen.

Last week, at our vacation spot, he was walking just fine. No problems at all. Even commented on how great his feet were doing. Tonight, he came home after a day in the office, and he can barely walk. He has infections going on in both of his feet. They are horribly swollen and hurt him so bad he could barely make it up the stairs to our bedroom. It's 5 pm and he's in bed. I don't think he's going to be dancing ever again.

So, if you had one wish.....what would it be?

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Amazing stuff!

I had my last soda on May 12. I never thought I could do this....but I it's done. I no longer crave the stuff. I can sit with a group of friends who are slurping it down as fast as they can, and I don't crave it. Someone told me I would get to where I crave water. Well, I'm not there yet....but I am enjoying water more than ever.

I had my last candy bar on May 11. Not a bit of sugar since that date. No candy, cookies, chocolate, sweets. No sweetener. No stubsitutes.

And I am not craving them at all.

I started walking 3 miles a day on June 1. I have walked at least 10K steps every day except for 3 days. And I totally missed walking those days. I look forward to that hour alone in the early morning hours. Most days it's my only alone time since hubby works from home. I bought new walking shoes today! :o)

I have started holding classes in my studio. Meeting new people. And I've invited a group of friends to come over one day a month to create and share.

Little by little, I am starting to fix things, do some home repairs, put up lights where I want them....clean out boxes that have been stored away.

My life is back on track and I'm starting to enjoy each day once again.

I am denying my husband's diabetes for the time being. OK, I know that he has it....but I am refusing to allow it to consume my life. He can eat all the chocolate he wants...I'm not about to enable him. He can eat bags of potato chips and drink 12 cans of diet coke a day, I'm not going to join him. He can sit here on the sofa and sleep, watch TV, vegge out for hours on end....but I'm not going to join him.

Hopefully, one day soon, he will start to miss me and decide to join me. If not, I'm determined to continue to make healthy changes in my life as I watch this disease deteroriate his body and his life.

Amazing stuff? Yes, I am just so amazed that I am doing this on my own!

21 days of walking.

42 days of no sugar and no soda.


Sunday, June 17, 2007

An amazing vacation!

OK, so we really did not do that much where he was on his feet....but it was exactly what both of us needed!

We went snorkeling. No walking there! Just floating on the surface of the ocean watching the amazing life below us. I honestly think that the hours we spent in the salt water helped his feet. I haven't seen them looking this good in about 3 years. He still has all the swelling from tophi gout, but no open sores. No boils. Truly deformed and misshapen, but whole. Amazing!

We took an ATV tour through the jungle. Again, no walking. But he actually did a few jumps! We both laughed so hard and just had so much fun with our totally non-English speaking guide who figured out quite quickly that we knew what we were doing on ATVs....and decided to put us to the test!

We rented mopeds and spent a full day exploring the region. No walking there. But we fell in love with mopeds and the whole area. We tried to go out into the jungle and find a river, got lost, ended up at a bar on the beach where we drank bottled water and listened to the waves pound the shore.

Took a cab to another beach with yet another day of snorkeling. Spent lots of time laying under the cabanas letting the bartenders bring us bottled water. He did have several near crashes so I know there were and equal number of near highs. He corrected them yet again with chocolate bars. But we did eat a whole lot healther for a full week. Loads of fish and shrimp, salmon, salads. I actually lost a pound! I think we got plenty of exercise pushing the fins through the water to get to our snorkeling spots.

I did get him to walk around the pool, on the beaches, into the villages to do a little shopping. We just took it slow. I kept reminding him we had no schedule and we would walk a block, sit and have some water, checking out a different restaurant and then walk a little more. I know he got more exercise last week than he has in the prior month.

We did some shopping and wandered into a jewelry shop. He picked out a ring and chain for himself then asked me what I wanted. I had my eye on a most ridiculously priced necklace and he was able to get it down to half price and bought it for me. He said I deserved something that pretty. I was in awe!

He was the "old" guy that I fell in love with. He was sweet, kind and generous all week long. We laughed so was enough to make me want to move there! I am just so grateful for the vacation, for the break and for the fabulous time we both had. Made me realize also that part of life at home could just be the stress of his every day job and we need to run away just a little more often. He did agree that we can stop eating out all the time and save out money to do this a little more often. I call that great progress!

Maybe there is hope! I'm feeling quite optimistic at the moment!!!