Saturday, October 06, 2012

Someone said

Now is my chance to leave him.....back on my lst post.  Well, I've had enough grief counseling in my life to know that now is not the time to make any life decisions.  I need to put anything like that off.  I need to grieve the loss of my mom.  Not leave hubby.

We are learning to live as a Skype couple.  At least with Skype y can see each other when you talk, see the body language.  We are working thins out.  He is going g to stay there and I am going to stay here.  As long as it takes.  Neither of us are going to make any major decisions.

And I think that is perfect.  I am getting a much needed break.  And finding time to be with my sisters so we can get through the grieving process.  It must be different when you lose a second parent.  It sure feels different.  I think it's going to take a long time.  But we will get through it together.

And hubby is learning what it is like to care for a parent.  Maybe in that process, he will start taking better care of himself.  I am not worrying about him.  I am doing just fine on my own.  Hopefully when he does come home, things will be better.  Ok, I have earned the right to dream!!  LOL!!!

My biggest problem is that since mom died, I haven't been able to sleep.  In fact,none of us have.  S this week I'm going to work on that.  Ha!  I'm setting goals.  I think that's a good thing.  Lets hope I get a little more sleep tonight.


Tuesday, October 02, 2012

A very rough day.

Here we are, about a thousand miles apart.  Each of grieving the loss of our own mom without the support of each other.  Hubby got mad because he took something I said the wrong he decided we should get a divorce.  Was that a sugar low?  How can I tell?  I'm here, not there.  I have no idea if he is doing what he needs to do to keep his sugars in control.  I imagine not.

I went to grief counseling.  Maybe good ideas.  I called him and told him what they said.  He agreed with everything.  This was 6 hours later.  We're his levels back in control?  Within 6 hours he changed from getting divorced to loving me and staying together.

I have learned to give him time when stuff like this happens.

I did NOT need this today!!  In fact, I don't ever need it!!

Perhaps he finally gets it that we both have to grieve and it is going to be in different ways, at different speeds, and different processes?  I suggested to him that he needs to fly home and give his dad a few days alone so his dad can start to grieve.  He said maybe.  I know he is scared to death his dad will die alone.

We may be apart awhile.  The longer I am here, the more he schedules for me to do.  And I'm fine with that because its all stuff that has to be done.

And I think I need some space and time alone to grieve my loss.

Hopefully, he will keep his promise to me not to threaten divorce every time he gets upset over something I say.  I sure hope tomorrow is a better day.  I've had my stress quota for the month already!