Saturday, April 28, 2007

It's NOT my job!!!!

Someone posted the following in response to one of my comments:

"If you thought he was low, why didn't you ask him to test and have him eat something sugary?"

and it got my dander up just a tad!

Why on earth does anyone out there think it's the spouse's job to do this?????

OK....if the diabetic individual was doing everything in their power to take care of themselves, i.e., eating healthy, testing, drinking fluids, keeping meds on schedule, exercising, getting therapy.....then I could see perhaps doing this to help them.

But when the patient refuses to do anything to help themselves.....why on earth would you think that the spouse is responsible to help them?

Sorry, I just don't get this one at all.

Sorry, but he has to grow up, get out of his denial, get past his grief, and get on with his life. I cannot do that for him. And I'm not about to put myself into the path of his wrath by suggesting there is any problem with his diabetes! I do need to protect myself.

But seriously. He's not going to take care of himself. Why is it my job to take care of him? Yes, I love him dearly. But he is not 5 or 15 or 25 or 35 or..... he is more than old enough and capable enough to test his own blood, eat healthy, exercise and so on. But since he denies there is a problem......he certainly is not going to do anything to fix something that's not broken.

Sad, isn't it?

Liar! Liar! Liar! Liar!

Second issue this morning. I spent yesterday out with a dear friend. We were driving in the car and like a lightening hit me that hubby was supposed to go in for his physical on Thursday (the day before). He either lied to me (he really did not have his annual physical scheduled for Thursday) or he spaced it out and did not go. We were both home all day long on Thursday.

This was supposed to be the visit where he gets his new A1c....and they give him a new kidney function level. I really do not think he "forgot"....I think it was never scheduled.

I think the guy is totally incapable of telling me the truth when it comes to his diabetes. But why lie? Why?

And of is NOT going to be the day I ask him anything! LOL!

Have I mentioned lately how much I HATE this disease?????

Weekend War?

I tried sleeping in the same room with him last night. Why? Why on earth do I think that I need to sleep with him just because I'm married to him? Went to bed about 10 pm. Put on the headsets and started to watch a movie on my little DVD player to drown out the TV. He had the volume set to 33 which is not all that headsets will muffle the surround sound.

Next thing I know....I'm hearing guns and booms and I look up...he's upped his volume to 44! I should have known right then and there he was going into a crash. But you know....some things I just never learn. So I simply turned up the volume on my DVD player and started to snooze off.

About midnight, he got up, banged the doors on his wardrobe, turned off the TV and left the room. Absolutely no idea what he was doing other than the door banging totally work me up.

Fell right back to sleep.

About 3:30 am....I woke up to a thud on the bed. He was throwing those heavy foam pillows on the bed. I just laid there...trying to get out of my sleepy fog. He flopped down on the bed so hard that I raised off my side of the bed. I still just laid there. About 10 minutes later, he was snoring and of course....I was wide awake.

So I decided to just get up and come work in my studio.

At 6:45 am, I hear a thud....a door bang...and then I hear the alarm on my cell phone. It was ringing. He had gotten out of bed. Walked over to my makeup table, unplugged it, gone all the way back across the bedroom, opened the door, walked out into the hall, and thrown it over the balcony onto the sofa downstairs in the living room!!!!

Yet he couldn't just open the flap and turn it off????

I'm in the basement and I hear it ring, so I go upstairs to find it. Went all the way to the upstairs as that's where I'd left it plugged in. Not there. Still ringing. Find it on the sofa. Go back upstairs and ask him, "did you throw my cell phone downstairs?" He says, "no." I said, "You did too!" He said, "No I did not". I said, "I heard you open the door and I heard it hit the sofa!" He said, "I turned it off and 10 minutes later it rang again. You do the same thing to my alarm clock." I said, "I have NEVER thrown your alarm clock down stairs!!!" And I walked out of the room cursing him all the way down the stairs.

It has NOTHING to do with him throwing the cell phone down on the sofa. It has EVERYTHING to do with him waking me up at 3:30 and I quietly leave the room....but if I (via my cell phone) wake him up...he HAS to make a scene.

Weekend war? I think it just started.

Age 10? I think he is there. So my question this morning...has there been any kind of study done to show that a diabetic who is having complete and total out-of-control sugar levels reverts to the IQ and age of a 10 year old? I swear. There has to be come coorelationship to this. I cannot believe that a 50something year old man will pick up a cell phone and throw it over the balcony just because he can't figure out how to turn it off. I KNOW he's in the middle of a low. I just know it.

The other day, he commented that I treat him like a child.

Well...duh! He's certainly acting like a child today!

He's gone back to bed and I'm leaving here in half an hour and may just be gone all day long. I'm so not going to deal with him this weekend. NOT even going to try!

I HATE this disease.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Marijuana and diabetis

I've done all the research on this that's available on the internet. Marijuana does provide pain relief. BUT it also impacts the release of glucose into the body and sets off yet another rollercoaster affect. Sort of the same thing as if you hit your finger with a hammer and started screaming....there's that rush that forces the body to generate glucose and release it.....which follows with a low.

But he seems to think the occassional relief of pain is worth the roller coaster ride.

After all....he's inside the ride...he's not on the outside watching the total destruction that's going on.

Anyone else watching the ride, wondering when the body is going to go fly off and hit a brick wall and come to a screatching stop?

Monday, April 23, 2007

Drama! Drama! Drama!!!

NEVER ask a diabetic a question! My new rule. He called me into his office as his company has changed life insurance carriers and he can up his insurance one time without a physical. He wanted to know if he should do that. I said I couldn't see why not. So with that as the lead in, I asked him if I could join him for his next physical. And he totally blew up at me, yelling and screaming. Which was interrpted by a business call.

So I give up. I will not ask him again and I will not be going with him to his physical.

I got up and came to my studio and just sat here. I nearly started a blog. I knew that as soon as his meeting was over, he would be down here apologizing, kissing me. And he was.

It's this total, constant roller coaster of emotions that I cannot deal with. Yes....I created the roller coaster. I did not need to ask him if I could go to his physical. But it really is "my" disease in that I have no idea what the prognosis is, I do not know what drugs he is taking let alone the contradictions of these drugs....and I would like to know.

But I guess I will continue to live in the dark, and continue to learn as much as I can about this disease.