Thursday, January 24, 2008

Keeping a diary.

Carly wrote:

mY EX BOYFRIEND (WE BROKE UP LAST WEEK) suffers with diabetes type 1 for 20 years. He decided to break up with me because he suffers from depression and he cannot think of anything else but his condition. I am 34 and he is 39 and he is also scared of having children, that was another reason for breaking up with me, he says I deserve better than this. He is a gorgeous great person, but his diabetes is a great problem influencing his life and relationships. I was very much in love but he decided to save me from having to deal with his problems. He isolates himself because of the disease. I am heartbroken and devastated, but reading your diary gave me some support, cause I think it would be vey difficult to have a life with someone who suffers from that. I was willing to stick by his side but he just gave up on us and relationships in general (so he says). I feel really sorry for you but hang in there, there is always a p[urpose for things to happen in life. I hope you find a way of copying with him and honestly most diabetics suffer from depression and therapy would be great for both of you.
xx C.

I truly understand the feelings of a love lost. And I do know what it is to live with a diabetic who has bouts of depression. I think my hubby has decided that loneliness is worse than depression. But he went through a phase where he had to make that choice. He was married before for 22 years. He had 2 kids. Diabetes is inherit in his family. His daughter is hospitalized at least once a month for painful kidney stones and had cysts on her ovaries and had both of them removed. Both of her conditions are pre-diabetic. She will never be able to have kids. His son is also showing signs of pre-diabetes and has gone on a very strict diet trying to prevent it....but can he? My husband's father and grandfather were both diabetics.

I think the fact that his kids have these problems just adds to his depression.

It is not an easy life at all. I have given up all sugar....and I'm not the one with diabetes. I've converted a guest bedroom to a workout room. I make sure we eat 3 meals a day, that we eat healthy, that he takes his meds. I watch for changes in his skin, open sores that he cannot see or feel (like on his back). But mostly the mood swings due to his ongoing depression. Well, that and the side affects from all the drugs he is on. He has gained 40 pounds this past year and that is not helping his depression. But he went through a phase where he could not walk at all....which depressed him, and all he wanted to do was eat.

Would I do it all again? I just do not know. I fell in love with him before his kidneys started to fail, when he was active and so much healthier. So I stay with him because I'm in denial and I hope this will go away and the man I fell in love with will return. Yet I know that will not happen. :o) All I do know is that I would not wish this disease on anyone.....and I would not wish that anyone be the spouse of someone who has this disease.

Writing this diary is what gets me through it all.

We are not having a good week. He is back to hobbling....feet so swollen with charcot's foot and gout. I don't know how he handles the pain. He is quite grumpy. I'm painting the guest bedroom to stay out of his way!