I've been traveling and teaching art for the past couple of weeks. Flew home today and he has a horrible infection in his right hand. Just all swollen and tender. I feel so bad for him. His doctors have told him when this happens all he can do it start in on anti-inflammatories and he said he has done that.
Outside of that, all seems well and we are planning a vacation together soon....to a beach...where we can just rest and enjoy each other's company.
DW
Thursday, May 07, 2009
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Angry diabetics in denial
sending me nasty posts that I just continue to reject. Yet you continue to prove to me that diabetics are exactly that....angry and in denial. It just amazes me!!!
I have to wonder if you do not understand the cycle that we spouses so clearly see? You do not take care of yourself. OK, you think you do, but you don't. Your sugar drops, you hit a low, and look out - the venom just spews forth from your mouth. There are even times when it becomes physical.
And you think this is a "little" problem? Well of course you do because you don't remember anything you say or do when you are in a low!!!
Because I refuse to take care of you does not make me anything other than a totally smart person. Your disease. Not mine. In fact, when I married you (when most of us married you) you were not in the condition you are in today. If you were, why on earth would we have gone on another date once you hit that first low with us? Nope, back then, you were actually pretty healthy. Little did we know the progression of this disease or that you would do so little to take care of yourself!
Oh, and the other thing I'd like for you to learn to do is to READ! HE is going on the vacation with me! LMBO! I'm not taking a vacation alone....HE is going, too! So you must have really been in a low when you wrote to me because you obviously can't even read!
Yep, just keep sending me your nasty little notes. I will reject them and write my rebuttals here so everyone else can say yep, must have been a non-compliant diabetic who is in denial writing something like that. I have proof. Just read back through all the comments that other spouses have written. I know I'm not alone in any of this. It's not me. It's you!!! After all, you are the one who has this disease.
Now....do something to make yourself a little bit healthier rather than sending me your nasty little notes! :o)
DW
I have to wonder if you do not understand the cycle that we spouses so clearly see? You do not take care of yourself. OK, you think you do, but you don't. Your sugar drops, you hit a low, and look out - the venom just spews forth from your mouth. There are even times when it becomes physical.
And you think this is a "little" problem? Well of course you do because you don't remember anything you say or do when you are in a low!!!
Because I refuse to take care of you does not make me anything other than a totally smart person. Your disease. Not mine. In fact, when I married you (when most of us married you) you were not in the condition you are in today. If you were, why on earth would we have gone on another date once you hit that first low with us? Nope, back then, you were actually pretty healthy. Little did we know the progression of this disease or that you would do so little to take care of yourself!
Oh, and the other thing I'd like for you to learn to do is to READ! HE is going on the vacation with me! LMBO! I'm not taking a vacation alone....HE is going, too! So you must have really been in a low when you wrote to me because you obviously can't even read!
Yep, just keep sending me your nasty little notes. I will reject them and write my rebuttals here so everyone else can say yep, must have been a non-compliant diabetic who is in denial writing something like that. I have proof. Just read back through all the comments that other spouses have written. I know I'm not alone in any of this. It's not me. It's you!!! After all, you are the one who has this disease.
Now....do something to make yourself a little bit healthier rather than sending me your nasty little notes! :o)
DW
Friday, April 10, 2009
Join me there by searching:
diabeteswife@yahoo.com
or
Dw Smith (Diabetes Wife Smith) - it wouldn't let me enter myself as just Diabetes Wife....so I'll be DW Smith over there. :o)
No idea how often I will log in over there...but I have set it up to have this blog feed there as well. We can have a more interactive chats and conversations over there. Hope it works!
DW
diabeteswife@yahoo.com
or
Dw Smith (Diabetes Wife Smith) - it wouldn't let me enter myself as just Diabetes Wife....so I'll be DW Smith over there. :o)
No idea how often I will log in over there...but I have set it up to have this blog feed there as well. We can have a more interactive chats and conversations over there. Hope it works!
DW
Dear wife of a diabetic....
In this post, I am writing as the wife of a diabetic to all of the other wives of diabetics.
Life is short. My mom had a stroke about 10 days ago. She is doing just fine....but it was a true wakeup call for me. I am spending a week with her, helping her with her therapy, making sure she can continue to live alone. And I wanted to share a few things with you.
1. She lives in a tiny apartment in a retirement center. She does not want to go live with any of her children. She wants to remain independent. She lost 100% of the use of her right hand with this stroke. She has PT & OT coming in twice a day. She sits in her chair and exercises her hand and arm almost non-stop. She repeats every exercise they give her. She does typing exercises on the computer. 10 days now and she has regained 99% of the use of her hand. She is determined to make herself healthier than she was before the stroke. Diabetics take note....you CAN repair what your body has lost! Wives take note....if the diabetic really wants to make a change, to get better, to get well, they will.
2. Mom is not doing this alone. PT & OT and her daughters, her neighbors, her friends. We are all doing everything we can to help her make changes in her eating, her diet, her exercise...in her daily life. We are here supporting her 100%. And she is allowing us to assist her.
3. Mom could have taken the route of self-pity, of depression, or sorrow. Nope, she is a true role model. And she is so patient with everyone. She listens carefully. She repeats her tasks. She doesn't hesitate to rest, but the moment she is rested, she is back at it again. She just doesn't stop.
I sit here and look at her and watch her example and am stunned that this woman who is almost 80 years old has more energy than my diabetic spouse. She is more willing to take on new exercises, new ways of eating, new ways of doing things than he will ever be. She has a will to live. Or perhaps I should say, she has a will to live the best life that she possibly can as long as she can.
The brain is an amazing thing. It can remap nerves. It can rewire internal systems. I have just witnessed it. From a right hand that would not move to a hand that is back to painting, typing, fixing meals and more. She has made an incredible recovery. Proof to me that if a diabetic wants to regain what they have lost...they can...if they are willing to make the necesssary changes!!!
FRAN!!! I am thrilled to have you back and so happy you posted a comment. I have been thinking about joining facebook and wondering if anyone would care to go there as we could all post with each other....not just me making comments on my blog. I will look into that next and post here if I can set something up.
Diabetes is so difficult for the spouse because it constantly pounds down our self-esteem. We get sucked into the negativeness of it all. Fran, I hope you will see that. You need to do what is best for you.
And to anonymous.....I have learned that we do what we can with what we have. So no regrets about staying with him. Don't do the "what-if's" about how you raised your kids. Yes, perhaps it would have been better had we left....but we absolutely can only do what we can with what we have at the moment.....and it is a true waste of our time, energy and strength to look back and wonder "what if". What we have to do is look at the present moment and determine if we are doing the best thing for us right now.
Is it best for me to stay with him? Is it best for me to leave him? This is not about him at all. It is about us. It is about me. Now, I don't advocate jumping ship right now. I firmly believe that any time you make a decision, you need to mull it over for a couple of weeks to make sure it's not a knee-jerk reaction to an event. But truly.....if I thought for a moment that I should leave him, I would. And I would not look back for a nano second!!!! I am worth that much to me. I deserve self-respect. I deserve to be treated like a woman. I deserve validity in my life.
If you have been with me during this journey, you will remember a few months back I was pondering whether I should leave my husband. But I am glad for now that I stayed. The doctor's have done amazing things with drugs and he is in a much better place. He has also come to realize that he cannot treat me like a rag, he cannot blame me for whatever, he cannot yell at me and while I still have to remind him of MY rules....he is doing ever so much better and we are in a better place in our relationship.
So, what are my rules?
These are the rules for the wife of a NONCOMPLIANT diabetic who has no desire to become complaint:
1. You cannot abuse me. Physical or verbal.
2. You cannot blame me for something I did not do. I will not listen to it. I will walk out of this house every time you start to blame me for something.
3. I will not allow you to try to convince me that I was wrong. If I was, you simply have to live with it. But you may not tell me that I was wrong....or that I am not right.
4. I have a right to my own opinons, my own beliefs, my own thoughts and you may not say anything negative about them. If you want to start that line of conversation, I will go shopping. I will be gone for a minimum of 2 hours. And when I come home, I expect that conversation to be over.
5. If I am going to share a bed with you, that bed will be quiet. There will be no snoring or bouncing, no restless leg syndrome. If you cannot work with our physicians to ensure me that I will have a solid nights sleep, then I will be in my own bed and you will not join me there.
6. I will not remind you when to take your meds. I will not assist you in taking your meds.
7. This is your disease. It is not mine.
8. If I tell you that you need to eat something, you will. If you refuse to eat, I will walk out for a couple of hours. I will only do this when I feel you are dropping into a low. If you go into a coma while I am gone (because you refused to eat) I will not be responsible for what happens after that.
9. You will not raise your voice in anger against me at any time. We can discuss anything you like in a rational, calm voice, but I will not listen to you get angry with me.
10. I am not your mother. She lives in another state. Do not expect to treat me or talk to me like you do your mother. I am your wife. If you want to stay married to me, these are my rules. I will be happy to call 911 whenever you pass out. I will not give you juice or put something under your tongue. This is your disease and you need to stay in close contact with your physicians. You need to tell them about the changes in your behavior, your eating patterns, your activity levels. You need to monitor your own blood sugar at least 8 times a day and chart what you eat. I will be here thru thick and thin....but this is not my disease and since you really don't seem to want to take care of yourself, I'm not going to do it either.
Life is short. My mom had a stroke about 10 days ago. She is doing just fine....but it was a true wakeup call for me. I am spending a week with her, helping her with her therapy, making sure she can continue to live alone. And I wanted to share a few things with you.
1. She lives in a tiny apartment in a retirement center. She does not want to go live with any of her children. She wants to remain independent. She lost 100% of the use of her right hand with this stroke. She has PT & OT coming in twice a day. She sits in her chair and exercises her hand and arm almost non-stop. She repeats every exercise they give her. She does typing exercises on the computer. 10 days now and she has regained 99% of the use of her hand. She is determined to make herself healthier than she was before the stroke. Diabetics take note....you CAN repair what your body has lost! Wives take note....if the diabetic really wants to make a change, to get better, to get well, they will.
2. Mom is not doing this alone. PT & OT and her daughters, her neighbors, her friends. We are all doing everything we can to help her make changes in her eating, her diet, her exercise...in her daily life. We are here supporting her 100%. And she is allowing us to assist her.
3. Mom could have taken the route of self-pity, of depression, or sorrow. Nope, she is a true role model. And she is so patient with everyone. She listens carefully. She repeats her tasks. She doesn't hesitate to rest, but the moment she is rested, she is back at it again. She just doesn't stop.
I sit here and look at her and watch her example and am stunned that this woman who is almost 80 years old has more energy than my diabetic spouse. She is more willing to take on new exercises, new ways of eating, new ways of doing things than he will ever be. She has a will to live. Or perhaps I should say, she has a will to live the best life that she possibly can as long as she can.
The brain is an amazing thing. It can remap nerves. It can rewire internal systems. I have just witnessed it. From a right hand that would not move to a hand that is back to painting, typing, fixing meals and more. She has made an incredible recovery. Proof to me that if a diabetic wants to regain what they have lost...they can...if they are willing to make the necesssary changes!!!
FRAN!!! I am thrilled to have you back and so happy you posted a comment. I have been thinking about joining facebook and wondering if anyone would care to go there as we could all post with each other....not just me making comments on my blog. I will look into that next and post here if I can set something up.
Diabetes is so difficult for the spouse because it constantly pounds down our self-esteem. We get sucked into the negativeness of it all. Fran, I hope you will see that. You need to do what is best for you.
And to anonymous.....I have learned that we do what we can with what we have. So no regrets about staying with him. Don't do the "what-if's" about how you raised your kids. Yes, perhaps it would have been better had we left....but we absolutely can only do what we can with what we have at the moment.....and it is a true waste of our time, energy and strength to look back and wonder "what if". What we have to do is look at the present moment and determine if we are doing the best thing for us right now.
Is it best for me to stay with him? Is it best for me to leave him? This is not about him at all. It is about us. It is about me. Now, I don't advocate jumping ship right now. I firmly believe that any time you make a decision, you need to mull it over for a couple of weeks to make sure it's not a knee-jerk reaction to an event. But truly.....if I thought for a moment that I should leave him, I would. And I would not look back for a nano second!!!! I am worth that much to me. I deserve self-respect. I deserve to be treated like a woman. I deserve validity in my life.
If you have been with me during this journey, you will remember a few months back I was pondering whether I should leave my husband. But I am glad for now that I stayed. The doctor's have done amazing things with drugs and he is in a much better place. He has also come to realize that he cannot treat me like a rag, he cannot blame me for whatever, he cannot yell at me and while I still have to remind him of MY rules....he is doing ever so much better and we are in a better place in our relationship.
So, what are my rules?
These are the rules for the wife of a NONCOMPLIANT diabetic who has no desire to become complaint:
1. You cannot abuse me. Physical or verbal.
2. You cannot blame me for something I did not do. I will not listen to it. I will walk out of this house every time you start to blame me for something.
3. I will not allow you to try to convince me that I was wrong. If I was, you simply have to live with it. But you may not tell me that I was wrong....or that I am not right.
4. I have a right to my own opinons, my own beliefs, my own thoughts and you may not say anything negative about them. If you want to start that line of conversation, I will go shopping. I will be gone for a minimum of 2 hours. And when I come home, I expect that conversation to be over.
5. If I am going to share a bed with you, that bed will be quiet. There will be no snoring or bouncing, no restless leg syndrome. If you cannot work with our physicians to ensure me that I will have a solid nights sleep, then I will be in my own bed and you will not join me there.
6. I will not remind you when to take your meds. I will not assist you in taking your meds.
7. This is your disease. It is not mine.
8. If I tell you that you need to eat something, you will. If you refuse to eat, I will walk out for a couple of hours. I will only do this when I feel you are dropping into a low. If you go into a coma while I am gone (because you refused to eat) I will not be responsible for what happens after that.
9. You will not raise your voice in anger against me at any time. We can discuss anything you like in a rational, calm voice, but I will not listen to you get angry with me.
10. I am not your mother. She lives in another state. Do not expect to treat me or talk to me like you do your mother. I am your wife. If you want to stay married to me, these are my rules. I will be happy to call 911 whenever you pass out. I will not give you juice or put something under your tongue. This is your disease and you need to stay in close contact with your physicians. You need to tell them about the changes in your behavior, your eating patterns, your activity levels. You need to monitor your own blood sugar at least 8 times a day and chart what you eat. I will be here thru thick and thin....but this is not my disease and since you really don't seem to want to take care of yourself, I'm not going to do it either.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Feeding diabetes
someone commented:
and I want to thank you for the comments. But wow- hubby has never broken a bone in his anger - yet!
I do agree that eating seems to be the key to controlling the lows. He's been on a business trip and got up early today to fly home. Didn't eat. And his plane was delayed. So, of course, when he got here, he was cranky. I remained quiet til we got home and fed him immediately - and then he was fine.
Now - if I can figure that out, why can't he? LOL! You definitely have to "feed" the lows.
For the most part, things are moving along fairly calmly here. I believe that for right now, the docs have his meds sorted out and as long as he eats a little something several times a day, he seems to remain on a pretty even keel. And I'm quite happy with where we are - a far cry from a couple of years ago.
We have quite a bit of travel coming up, so we'll see how he does. His hip seems to have calmed down for right now. But then he was at sea level for the past week and I always think that helps him with his pain and comfort levels.
DW
I am a type 1 diabetic, and suffer from anger when my levels are low, although my anger isn't as bad as your husbands.
My diabetes is reasonably well controlled and it still happens to me a few times a year, and I'm rarely aware of it happening before its too late.
I am normally a very soft and gentle character but when my levels are low its like it just explodes from knowhere.
I hate myself after it happens and have even broken my hand punching the floor to vent it.
The best advise I can give is to make sure your husband always has breakfast asap, avoid confrontation and talk to him about his diabetes control in the evening and if he won't listen talk to his doctor/specialist.
and I want to thank you for the comments. But wow- hubby has never broken a bone in his anger - yet!
I do agree that eating seems to be the key to controlling the lows. He's been on a business trip and got up early today to fly home. Didn't eat. And his plane was delayed. So, of course, when he got here, he was cranky. I remained quiet til we got home and fed him immediately - and then he was fine.
Now - if I can figure that out, why can't he? LOL! You definitely have to "feed" the lows.
For the most part, things are moving along fairly calmly here. I believe that for right now, the docs have his meds sorted out and as long as he eats a little something several times a day, he seems to remain on a pretty even keel. And I'm quite happy with where we are - a far cry from a couple of years ago.
We have quite a bit of travel coming up, so we'll see how he does. His hip seems to have calmed down for right now. But then he was at sea level for the past week and I always think that helps him with his pain and comfort levels.
DW
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Increase in pain
The pain in his hip is inceasing. He can barely walk. Today, he was sitting and said, "I have to work up the energy to face tha pain of standing up."
How sad is that. Still waiing for a return call from the doctor's office.
In the meantime, I'm sure the increased pain is having an impact on his sugar levels. He is sleeping tons. In bed almost all of the time. Fortunately, he can work from bed. :o)
DW
How sad is that. Still waiing for a return call from the doctor's office.
In the meantime, I'm sure the increased pain is having an impact on his sugar levels. He is sleeping tons. In bed almost all of the time. Fortunately, he can work from bed. :o)
DW
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Hip replacement
For quite some time now, he's had severe hip pain. His doctors have told him he needs to have it replaced. He informed me today that he's calling them tomorrow to start talking about having it done.
I worry. They have said his kidney function is so low that he can't have anesthesia. Can they do a replacement with a spinal block? Will his kidneys handle that? It's just more drugs/meds that get into the system that have to be filtered somehow.
I realize the severe pain he is in. He's hobbling again. This time from the hip, not his feet.
Yet he still won't alter how he eats. Or test his sugar levels. Or do anything to help change the situation. He'd rather have a juicy fat steak (last night) and go through surgery than lose 100 pounds and relieve the pressure on his hips.
Sigh.
I asked him how long the recovery would be and he said 6 weeks. I asked if he planned to do it upstairs or downstairs and he said he would have to stay on the main level until he could do the stairs, but then he would be upstairs in the bedroom.
I assume there will be a lengthy pre-surgery process through the insurance company. So I don't think this will happen soon. I assume that I'll get my workout in going up and down the stairs 50 times a day like when he had his foot surgery.
I think I'm tired just thinking about it! LOL!!!
DW
I worry. They have said his kidney function is so low that he can't have anesthesia. Can they do a replacement with a spinal block? Will his kidneys handle that? It's just more drugs/meds that get into the system that have to be filtered somehow.
I realize the severe pain he is in. He's hobbling again. This time from the hip, not his feet.
Yet he still won't alter how he eats. Or test his sugar levels. Or do anything to help change the situation. He'd rather have a juicy fat steak (last night) and go through surgery than lose 100 pounds and relieve the pressure on his hips.
Sigh.
I asked him how long the recovery would be and he said 6 weeks. I asked if he planned to do it upstairs or downstairs and he said he would have to stay on the main level until he could do the stairs, but then he would be upstairs in the bedroom.
I assume there will be a lengthy pre-surgery process through the insurance company. So I don't think this will happen soon. I assume that I'll get my workout in going up and down the stairs 50 times a day like when he had his foot surgery.
I think I'm tired just thinking about it! LOL!!!
DW
Saturday, March 07, 2009
6 am low
Just more notes about the "journey". He woke up at 6 am, got the peanut butter and crackers out of the closet and turned on the TV to Saturday morning cartoons! I sleepily asked him what he was doing and he said, "I'm having a low."
Well, I'm wondering where was the high he had to have had in order to balance the low so his A1c is normal? I have totally been missing his highs as he seems to be having more lows.
I've had a guest here for a week and he came out one day and it was about 10:30 am. He was in such a low and I knew it immediately. He was banging and slamming on the ice machine in the refrigerator. He yelled at me to see if I had called them to come fix it. I said, "you just need to replace the filter". He yells that the light is not on, it doesn't need to be replaced. Of course, my guest is here as well as another friend, so I very quietly said, "I think you've forgotten, the filter goes bad a few days before the light goes on". (We have a new refrig and you can't make ice if the filter isn't working.) So he wants to know where the filter is and I told him it was under the kitchen sink.
He proceeds to come into my studio where my friends and I are, brings the box over to me, sticks it like 3" under my nose and says, "Can't you read at all? It says you don't replace until the light comes on?" and in such a demeaning tone of voice.
So what do you do? Ignore him? That will just continue his litle tirade. I totally knew he was in a low as pissed off and irrational as he was acting. I also knew he would forget it completely when it was over. Yet I have 2 friends right there and I sensed how horribly uncomfortable they were. So I said in a very quiet voice, "well, why don't you try the filter anyway and if that doesn't work, I will call the repair guy?"
He stormed out of room and I looked at my friends and said ever so quietly, "now you know what a sugar low is like."
Of course, replacing the filter was all it took and the ice machine worked just fine. He got his ice, went upstairs, and my friends and I had a lengthly discussion about sugar highs and lows and the "real" nightmare of my life that I continue to cover up to the best of my ability.
If nothing else, I think my friends are better friends now as they know another aspect of my personal life. One I would have preferred to keep from them.
I just think it's so sad that he has chosen this route of non-compliance. These highs and lows cannot be good for him physically, yet he apparently doesn't get that. And I have to admit, for a man the age he is, he doesn't have very many close male friends and I imagine this is exactly why. No one else seems to really understand the emotional and social aspects of this disease. If he spoke to friends the way he did to me on that day, I doubt he would have them as friends. Women are a little different. My friends witnessed his verbal treatment of me, have sympathy for what I deal with, and are closer friends and will support me even more. Because I sat here and explained the situation to them and assured them that he most likely had no idea how he was treating me at that moment.
And most of my friends have witnessed how sweet and wonderful he can be when he is "normal". So they know that was not his usual behavior.
Back to today. It's now 7 am and I guess I'm awake for the rest of the day while I hear him upstairs snoring. And I wonder why I'm tired! LOL!!!
DW
Well, I'm wondering where was the high he had to have had in order to balance the low so his A1c is normal? I have totally been missing his highs as he seems to be having more lows.
I've had a guest here for a week and he came out one day and it was about 10:30 am. He was in such a low and I knew it immediately. He was banging and slamming on the ice machine in the refrigerator. He yelled at me to see if I had called them to come fix it. I said, "you just need to replace the filter". He yells that the light is not on, it doesn't need to be replaced. Of course, my guest is here as well as another friend, so I very quietly said, "I think you've forgotten, the filter goes bad a few days before the light goes on". (We have a new refrig and you can't make ice if the filter isn't working.) So he wants to know where the filter is and I told him it was under the kitchen sink.
He proceeds to come into my studio where my friends and I are, brings the box over to me, sticks it like 3" under my nose and says, "Can't you read at all? It says you don't replace until the light comes on?" and in such a demeaning tone of voice.
So what do you do? Ignore him? That will just continue his litle tirade. I totally knew he was in a low as pissed off and irrational as he was acting. I also knew he would forget it completely when it was over. Yet I have 2 friends right there and I sensed how horribly uncomfortable they were. So I said in a very quiet voice, "well, why don't you try the filter anyway and if that doesn't work, I will call the repair guy?"
He stormed out of room and I looked at my friends and said ever so quietly, "now you know what a sugar low is like."
Of course, replacing the filter was all it took and the ice machine worked just fine. He got his ice, went upstairs, and my friends and I had a lengthly discussion about sugar highs and lows and the "real" nightmare of my life that I continue to cover up to the best of my ability.
If nothing else, I think my friends are better friends now as they know another aspect of my personal life. One I would have preferred to keep from them.
I just think it's so sad that he has chosen this route of non-compliance. These highs and lows cannot be good for him physically, yet he apparently doesn't get that. And I have to admit, for a man the age he is, he doesn't have very many close male friends and I imagine this is exactly why. No one else seems to really understand the emotional and social aspects of this disease. If he spoke to friends the way he did to me on that day, I doubt he would have them as friends. Women are a little different. My friends witnessed his verbal treatment of me, have sympathy for what I deal with, and are closer friends and will support me even more. Because I sat here and explained the situation to them and assured them that he most likely had no idea how he was treating me at that moment.
And most of my friends have witnessed how sweet and wonderful he can be when he is "normal". So they know that was not his usual behavior.
Back to today. It's now 7 am and I guess I'm awake for the rest of the day while I hear him upstairs snoring. And I wonder why I'm tired! LOL!!!
DW
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Dear Deborah,
Deborah wrote:
and I just want to reach out and give you a huge hug and assure you that you are not alone. There are so many of us. Most of us just suffer in silence. I know I did.
It took me 5 years to even start to figure out what the heck was going on. No one sat down and said to me, "he is acting like this because of his sugar levels." No one "educated" me. His doctors didn't bother to consult with me to see how I was doing - I had to figure this out all on my own.
So I started this blog to help others as well as a log, a journal, a story of the progress from now until the end.
Because I am ever so aware that there will be an "end" to this. Either because I leave him, he leaves me, or one of us dies.
We are having a pretty good run of things at the moment. The "new" bed has really helped. I am back sleeping in our bedroom and he seems to be happy about that. I'm happy because he's not flopping - well, he's still flopping, but it's not bouncing me off the bed. I put in ear plugs when I go to sleep and I don't hear a thing. I'm getting such good sleep at night and it really helps me deal with the stress during the day.
So my first piece of advice may well be to figure out how to get a good night's rest and if that means moving out of the bedroom - do it! Because with rest, you can build strength and energy to deal with the rest of this stuff.
Hubby's sugar levels have been pretty good. Even. Even is good for him. I can still tell he has a bit of a morning low....but it's not quite such a huge swing. While his kidney function is still at 22%, it's not moving....which is good.
In the meantime, I have an artist friend here visiting for a few days and am just having the best time of my life. Soooo theraupitic. So my second piece of advice would be to find something that you love, something that makes you happy, something that you can lose your heart and soul to....and find time for that every single day. It will help you deal with the stress of this as well. Even if it's just for 10 minutes! It really helps!
DW
I too am the wife of a diabetic. This morning he called me at work ranting about something that was out of my control. Thanks to your blog, I see that I am not alone. I have bookmarked you page and will visit it very often. What I wanted to tell you is I thought there was something wrong with me because I moved out of our bedroom too. I work and when we would go to bed, my husband would have to turn the radio on so loud I couldn't sleep. I hope you will keep your blog going as it has been good for me. We all need to know we are not alone. Thank you so much, Deborah
and I just want to reach out and give you a huge hug and assure you that you are not alone. There are so many of us. Most of us just suffer in silence. I know I did.
It took me 5 years to even start to figure out what the heck was going on. No one sat down and said to me, "he is acting like this because of his sugar levels." No one "educated" me. His doctors didn't bother to consult with me to see how I was doing - I had to figure this out all on my own.
So I started this blog to help others as well as a log, a journal, a story of the progress from now until the end.
Because I am ever so aware that there will be an "end" to this. Either because I leave him, he leaves me, or one of us dies.
We are having a pretty good run of things at the moment. The "new" bed has really helped. I am back sleeping in our bedroom and he seems to be happy about that. I'm happy because he's not flopping - well, he's still flopping, but it's not bouncing me off the bed. I put in ear plugs when I go to sleep and I don't hear a thing. I'm getting such good sleep at night and it really helps me deal with the stress during the day.
So my first piece of advice may well be to figure out how to get a good night's rest and if that means moving out of the bedroom - do it! Because with rest, you can build strength and energy to deal with the rest of this stuff.
Hubby's sugar levels have been pretty good. Even. Even is good for him. I can still tell he has a bit of a morning low....but it's not quite such a huge swing. While his kidney function is still at 22%, it's not moving....which is good.
In the meantime, I have an artist friend here visiting for a few days and am just having the best time of my life. Soooo theraupitic. So my second piece of advice would be to find something that you love, something that makes you happy, something that you can lose your heart and soul to....and find time for that every single day. It will help you deal with the stress of this as well. Even if it's just for 10 minutes! It really helps!
DW
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
"adjustable bed"
LOL! My how we have progressed as human beings. It's no longer a "hospital" bed - it's now an "adjustable" bed! A few months ago, I moved to the guest bedroom in order to sleep. The sofa just wasn't cutting it for me....and I couldn't sleep with him because of his restless leg syndrome and the fact he nearly bounced me out of bed at night.
But that didn't work as we have too much overnight company and he turned bedroom # 3 into a workout room (that never gets used) and everytime someone came to stay, I ended up in bed with him (no sleep) or on the sofa (back ache).
So I went looking for a single bed. Our bedroom is large enough that I could put a daybed in here. Browsing through craigslist, I saw an ad for an adjustable bed. Automatic. Serta mattress. Doesn't look like a hospital bed at all...but will raise and lower just like one. And only $200!!! So I bought it. Found bedding that makes it look like a daybed. It is perfect.
Problem resolved! He sleeps in the king bed and bounces all night long. I'm on the "daybed" in the corner of the room. Quiet, comfy, no bouncing! We are back in the same room and I think he is an ounce happier because of it.
When I first brought it home - he was a bit upset by it all. He said, "I hope you did not buy that for me - I am not going to sleep in it!" I said, "no, I have always thought I would like an adjustable bed for all the reading I do at night." He calmed down immediately and was content with it after that. And then I mentioned that mom might need it one of these days and I'd gladly give it to her when the time came. He was quite happy after that comment.
So, what is the stigma about a "hospital" bed that got his feathers in a ruffle? I mean, how fun to have a bed that you push a button and the head and feet will raise and lower for you? How cool to have a bed that you can adjust the positions to meet your needs? And when I told him that they retail for $1500.....well, then, and only then did he decide he was proud of my find!
Truth be told? You all KNOW I bought it with HIS future in mind!
But that didn't work as we have too much overnight company and he turned bedroom # 3 into a workout room (that never gets used) and everytime someone came to stay, I ended up in bed with him (no sleep) or on the sofa (back ache).
So I went looking for a single bed. Our bedroom is large enough that I could put a daybed in here. Browsing through craigslist, I saw an ad for an adjustable bed. Automatic. Serta mattress. Doesn't look like a hospital bed at all...but will raise and lower just like one. And only $200!!! So I bought it. Found bedding that makes it look like a daybed. It is perfect.
Problem resolved! He sleeps in the king bed and bounces all night long. I'm on the "daybed" in the corner of the room. Quiet, comfy, no bouncing! We are back in the same room and I think he is an ounce happier because of it.
When I first brought it home - he was a bit upset by it all. He said, "I hope you did not buy that for me - I am not going to sleep in it!" I said, "no, I have always thought I would like an adjustable bed for all the reading I do at night." He calmed down immediately and was content with it after that. And then I mentioned that mom might need it one of these days and I'd gladly give it to her when the time came. He was quite happy after that comment.
So, what is the stigma about a "hospital" bed that got his feathers in a ruffle? I mean, how fun to have a bed that you push a button and the head and feet will raise and lower for you? How cool to have a bed that you can adjust the positions to meet your needs? And when I told him that they retail for $1500.....well, then, and only then did he decide he was proud of my find!
Truth be told? You all KNOW I bought it with HIS future in mind!
Memory loss, sugar low, or both
An interesting problem has developed in the past few weeks. Well, it's not a "problem" - but it could be. This past weekend, hubby asked me to help him clean out his closet. Oh me....what a mess! But mission accomplished! He laid on the bed while I pulled things out and he had 3 choices: Goodwill, keep, or box. Simple process.
A few times there would be an empty box or package and he'd make a comment, "oh that goes to so and so that you borrowed." I just blew the comments off...not even paying attention. Until it came to an empty "compac" box (computer company). He said, "that is for the HP calculator of mine that you took." I simply stood there and said, "what HP calculator?" He said, "the one you use all the time." I pointed to the outside of the box and said, "this says COMPAC!!!" He said, "well, you took that one, too." To which I replied, "I have never used a compac calculator in my life. I bought the HP12C in graduate school.....FIFTEEN years before I met you!!" and he said, "No you didn't, I bought it - you took it from me!"
I was simply stunned into silence by my sheer utter disbelief in his statement. I mean, I just cannot comprehend what is happening to him. I understand memory loss. I understand sugar lows. But I don't understand how on earth he can possibly be to the point where he thinks that everything that is in this house is something that he purchased and I "took"!
And yes, a calculator is a very small item (even though when I purchased this one.....at that time....it cost $150 so it was a major purchase for someone in graduate school). But it's the concept behind the statements. First, that I would "take" something away from him that was "his". Second - that even though I have worked 33 years in my life....I never purchased anything - he bought it all.
Is delusion a part of memory loss? Is this what happens when nerve endings and brain cells start to die off? Just something else to keep my eye on as this disease continues to progress throughout his body.
A few times there would be an empty box or package and he'd make a comment, "oh that goes to so and so that you borrowed." I just blew the comments off...not even paying attention. Until it came to an empty "compac" box (computer company). He said, "that is for the HP calculator of mine that you took." I simply stood there and said, "what HP calculator?" He said, "the one you use all the time." I pointed to the outside of the box and said, "this says COMPAC!!!" He said, "well, you took that one, too." To which I replied, "I have never used a compac calculator in my life. I bought the HP12C in graduate school.....FIFTEEN years before I met you!!" and he said, "No you didn't, I bought it - you took it from me!"
I was simply stunned into silence by my sheer utter disbelief in his statement. I mean, I just cannot comprehend what is happening to him. I understand memory loss. I understand sugar lows. But I don't understand how on earth he can possibly be to the point where he thinks that everything that is in this house is something that he purchased and I "took"!
And yes, a calculator is a very small item (even though when I purchased this one.....at that time....it cost $150 so it was a major purchase for someone in graduate school). But it's the concept behind the statements. First, that I would "take" something away from him that was "his". Second - that even though I have worked 33 years in my life....I never purchased anything - he bought it all.
Is delusion a part of memory loss? Is this what happens when nerve endings and brain cells start to die off? Just something else to keep my eye on as this disease continues to progress throughout his body.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Hip replacement
There are some days when you have to laugh in order to not cry. His doctors have hold him he needs to have his left hip replaced. Seriously, I feel that if he would just lose 80 pounds....his hip wouldn't hurt. And I have to wonder where this will lead - the other hip and both knees next? He doesn't move. He doesn't even try to move. He sits on the sofa and will move to the chair in his office. And that's about it.
So I am going to start blogging the progress of this part of his diabetes. But first, another question. I have noticed (and researched) that it takes 2 years for the nerve endings to die. During that time, the pain is almost unbearable. But once the nerve endings are all dead....the pain goes away. Could it be that the nerve endings in and around his hip are dying off and that is the major source of the pain? That if he can hold off a bit longer, perhaps he won't need the hip replaced?
Aside from that.....I was gone all of last week. Went to visit my mom and my sis. Actually my sis picked me up and then he was supposed to drive up to her house to pick me up. Come last Friday, his hip hurt too much for him to make the drive. So my prediction is that he will do less and less until he gets it replaced. Note - he was just fine until a doctor "told" him that he needed it replaced. Yes, he had hip pain off and on....but now it never ends. So I think much of it is subliminal - you tell him he needs surgery and he will just get worse until the surgery is performed.
And the there's the issue of anesthesia. His kidney doctor has told him that he cannot be put out because his kidney function is so low. How are they going to do hip replacement? With a local? A saddle block? OIY!!!
Then comes the other issues to consider. He will have to rent a hospital bed for the main floor as the bedrooms are all upstairs. That's not a problem. But there's no shower on the main floor. So bed baths? His comment - of course that's something "I" could do for him! I just had to laugh! Don't think so.....I didn't say that outloud...but I was sure thinking it! In fact, I was thinking hip surgery = another trip to mom's for me! LOL!
I honestly have no idea if/when he will have the surgery, but I do see his physical condition deterriorating as he now believes that he needs this surgery. I'll just post back as things develop. But for now, life is going pretty good in general.
DW
So I am going to start blogging the progress of this part of his diabetes. But first, another question. I have noticed (and researched) that it takes 2 years for the nerve endings to die. During that time, the pain is almost unbearable. But once the nerve endings are all dead....the pain goes away. Could it be that the nerve endings in and around his hip are dying off and that is the major source of the pain? That if he can hold off a bit longer, perhaps he won't need the hip replaced?
Aside from that.....I was gone all of last week. Went to visit my mom and my sis. Actually my sis picked me up and then he was supposed to drive up to her house to pick me up. Come last Friday, his hip hurt too much for him to make the drive. So my prediction is that he will do less and less until he gets it replaced. Note - he was just fine until a doctor "told" him that he needed it replaced. Yes, he had hip pain off and on....but now it never ends. So I think much of it is subliminal - you tell him he needs surgery and he will just get worse until the surgery is performed.
And the there's the issue of anesthesia. His kidney doctor has told him that he cannot be put out because his kidney function is so low. How are they going to do hip replacement? With a local? A saddle block? OIY!!!
Then comes the other issues to consider. He will have to rent a hospital bed for the main floor as the bedrooms are all upstairs. That's not a problem. But there's no shower on the main floor. So bed baths? His comment - of course that's something "I" could do for him! I just had to laugh! Don't think so.....I didn't say that outloud...but I was sure thinking it! In fact, I was thinking hip surgery = another trip to mom's for me! LOL!
I honestly have no idea if/when he will have the surgery, but I do see his physical condition deterriorating as he now believes that he needs this surgery. I'll just post back as things develop. But for now, life is going pretty good in general.
DW
Monday, January 26, 2009
Changing my last post to say....
It's not so much that things are going too smooth - it's that I've become too complacent. It hit me yesterday that he is yelling at me about something every single day. I just ignore it. I don't let it get to me. I think I've become numb! Most days I can't even remember what it was because it's so stupid. I know one day he went ballistic because he couldn't find his laundry basket. Which was in the back of the closet loaded with snorkeling gear from our cruise last October. So he had not needed/wanted/used it in 3 months!
You sort of have to laugh. If you don't, you will cry.
There was the day he was screaming at me because I had ruined his wire clippers. I tried to tell him they were "my" wire clippers but to no avail and just walked away. Yesterday, I found his perfectly mint wire clippers in the upstairs closet in the exercise room where he had left them over a year ago when he was putting in the new wall-mount TV.
Sigh.
But I do know that these incidences still seem to be about 10:30 am - when he seems to go into a low - because he refuses to eat breakfast. So I just continue to ignore them. And totally forget them.
I also happen to realize that my headaches are returning with an increased frequency. Wonder if the 2 are related! LOL!!!
You sort of have to laugh. If you don't, you will cry.
There was the day he was screaming at me because I had ruined his wire clippers. I tried to tell him they were "my" wire clippers but to no avail and just walked away. Yesterday, I found his perfectly mint wire clippers in the upstairs closet in the exercise room where he had left them over a year ago when he was putting in the new wall-mount TV.
Sigh.
But I do know that these incidences still seem to be about 10:30 am - when he seems to go into a low - because he refuses to eat breakfast. So I just continue to ignore them. And totally forget them.
I also happen to realize that my headaches are returning with an increased frequency. Wonder if the 2 are related! LOL!!!
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Positive Progress
Well, I have to confess that things have been going almost too smooth! It's been amazing. He went to the doctor's this week and no, he doesn't have the results of the lab work yet, but here is the progress thus far:
1. Feet have improved. No open sores. And he's wearing socks and shoes almost full time now.
2. They are increasing the meds that work to help control the shaking. OK, this is really not an improvement as his hands still tremble something terrible. But when we eat out, he simply orders finger food. Problem solved.
3. His bladder problem is coming under control and he is out of depends (really great news!)
4. They are going to prescribe something to help relieve his optical migrains.
5. Still having bursts of anger when he has a low....but I simply inform him that he does not have my permisson to yell at me...and that seems to calm him down for the moment.
The biggest difference that I see is his fear of being alone. So he is making changes in how he treats me. I used to promise that I would never leave him...but now when he asks I simply tell him that it all depends on how he treats me. It seems to be working for the moment.
I realize all this can change in a heartbeat...but I am really appreciating the reprieve in all of his diabetic related complications.
The other thing that has really helped is that his brother managed to get his parents to stop calling him with their every crisis....and he is not doing a panic reaction to their phone calls. I can't begin to explain how much that has helped.
DW
1. Feet have improved. No open sores. And he's wearing socks and shoes almost full time now.
2. They are increasing the meds that work to help control the shaking. OK, this is really not an improvement as his hands still tremble something terrible. But when we eat out, he simply orders finger food. Problem solved.
3. His bladder problem is coming under control and he is out of depends (really great news!)
4. They are going to prescribe something to help relieve his optical migrains.
5. Still having bursts of anger when he has a low....but I simply inform him that he does not have my permisson to yell at me...and that seems to calm him down for the moment.
The biggest difference that I see is his fear of being alone. So he is making changes in how he treats me. I used to promise that I would never leave him...but now when he asks I simply tell him that it all depends on how he treats me. It seems to be working for the moment.
I realize all this can change in a heartbeat...but I am really appreciating the reprieve in all of his diabetic related complications.
The other thing that has really helped is that his brother managed to get his parents to stop calling him with their every crisis....and he is not doing a panic reaction to their phone calls. I can't begin to explain how much that has helped.
DW
Friday, December 26, 2008
improvement
The gout in his knee is gone. He's back to moving around. We've had a very quiet holiday so far, and it has been so nice. I'm getting some much needed rest.
I overheard him tell his dad yesterday that he is probably going to have his hip replaced. News to me! No surprise - but it would be nice if he would talk to me about stuff like this. Now....it could just be a comment that he is making to his dad to get out of making the drive to see them - and that's fine with me. But if he does get it replaced....he is either going to set up a bed on the main floor or hire a nurse - I'm not going to run up and down stairs after him like I did when he had his foot surgery!
Overall, things are going extremely well. I'm letting him take a break from "healthy eating" for 2 weeks - then I'm going to make him do better. Well, he really hasn't done too bad - but I'm just not forcing it on him right now. I noticed immediately he's back to eating a whole bag of potato chips - but he's letting me buy "lite" and they are about 1/3 the size of a bag and 1/3 the calories and fat - so still a huge improvement over where we were a few weeks ago!
DW
I overheard him tell his dad yesterday that he is probably going to have his hip replaced. News to me! No surprise - but it would be nice if he would talk to me about stuff like this. Now....it could just be a comment that he is making to his dad to get out of making the drive to see them - and that's fine with me. But if he does get it replaced....he is either going to set up a bed on the main floor or hire a nurse - I'm not going to run up and down stairs after him like I did when he had his foot surgery!
Overall, things are going extremely well. I'm letting him take a break from "healthy eating" for 2 weeks - then I'm going to make him do better. Well, he really hasn't done too bad - but I'm just not forcing it on him right now. I noticed immediately he's back to eating a whole bag of potato chips - but he's letting me buy "lite" and they are about 1/3 the size of a bag and 1/3 the calories and fat - so still a huge improvement over where we were a few weeks ago!
DW
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Gout again
2 days ago his left knee became swollen. He's pretty sure it's gout. Says it feels like someone twisting a knife under his kneecap. Ouch! Can't walk. Has been in his chair - sitting. Grumpy as can be. Well, if I had that much pain I'd be grumpy, too! Pretty sure it came as a result of a chocolate binge. Well, can't blame him - it's the holidays. But I'm not sure eating chocolate is worth the pain he is in. Thought it might be gone by now, but no such luck.
DW
DW
Saturday, December 13, 2008
sick again
I sometimes think it's a change in weather. But then I think it's just ups and downs with sugar. There are times I just don' tknow what to think, but he is getting sick more and more, so I'm going to start making notes on that as well. He thinks today it's food poisoning.....but he did have cheese on his burger at lunch. Even though it was swiss....still cheese. So he's been sick to his stomach for the last 4 hours and now he has a head cold. Again.
I wonder how much his body can take getting sick like this all the time. It puts him flat in bed. The good thing is that we have arranged for a basically stress-free rest of the year. No tree here. No parties. A small family gatheringon Christmas Eve. Shopping is all done - nothing left to do and he is off from the 23rd to the end of the year. I hope he will spend some time working on one of his hobbies. I think that would be relaxing for him.
We are still doing Weight Watchers. He hasn't lost anything, but he hasn't gained, either. So he is still down 20 pounds. I just wish he could lose at least another 20. I think it would help him so much.
Hopefully he will be better in the morning.
DW
I wonder how much his body can take getting sick like this all the time. It puts him flat in bed. The good thing is that we have arranged for a basically stress-free rest of the year. No tree here. No parties. A small family gatheringon Christmas Eve. Shopping is all done - nothing left to do and he is off from the 23rd to the end of the year. I hope he will spend some time working on one of his hobbies. I think that would be relaxing for him.
We are still doing Weight Watchers. He hasn't lost anything, but he hasn't gained, either. So he is still down 20 pounds. I just wish he could lose at least another 20. I think it would help him so much.
Hopefully he will be better in the morning.
DW
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Dear Lori....about that book.....
I have often wondered why no other wife of a diabetic has written a book to this point?
Is it because we are so lost in the grief, depression, anger of this disease? Is it because we can barely cope with everyday life....let alone the stress of trying to write about it?
I don't post every day as it would just be way too upsetting. I try to make this a diary of the major events. But to write the minute details....the gross stuff...who would believe it? who would read it?
When I started this journey, if you had given me a book about my possible path...I would not have believed it. If someone, even a doctor, had told me what I would experience when he has a low, I would have said, "yeah, right!" with that "you are insane" tone in my voice!
And my other thought is...do I want to know? Do I really, truly, want to know what is going to happen next? Yes and no! It's sort of like....do I want someone to tell me the exact moment I'm going to die? Not really? I think there are just some things about the future that most of us want to remain in denial over! LOL!
So, update. We are having a generally good period right now. Continuing to lose a pound each every couple of weeks. Eating much less and more healthy food. It sure feels good. We have "fights" over meals about 3 times a week. He wants to eat a bag of potato chips and I just tell him that he can no longer have them. And yes, he still sneaks and cheats behind my back, but it's not nearly as bad or as often. His attitude is much improved. And we are entering the holiday season without chocolate. Yeah!!! He is still wearing shoes which is a miracle in my mind. And he is now wearing socks after years and years of refusing to consider socks.
I just continue to be thankful for the baby steps.
But I'm not opposed to wriring a book. Maybe my blog will be good reference for that one day down the line!
DW
Is it because we are so lost in the grief, depression, anger of this disease? Is it because we can barely cope with everyday life....let alone the stress of trying to write about it?
I don't post every day as it would just be way too upsetting. I try to make this a diary of the major events. But to write the minute details....the gross stuff...who would believe it? who would read it?
When I started this journey, if you had given me a book about my possible path...I would not have believed it. If someone, even a doctor, had told me what I would experience when he has a low, I would have said, "yeah, right!" with that "you are insane" tone in my voice!
And my other thought is...do I want to know? Do I really, truly, want to know what is going to happen next? Yes and no! It's sort of like....do I want someone to tell me the exact moment I'm going to die? Not really? I think there are just some things about the future that most of us want to remain in denial over! LOL!
So, update. We are having a generally good period right now. Continuing to lose a pound each every couple of weeks. Eating much less and more healthy food. It sure feels good. We have "fights" over meals about 3 times a week. He wants to eat a bag of potato chips and I just tell him that he can no longer have them. And yes, he still sneaks and cheats behind my back, but it's not nearly as bad or as often. His attitude is much improved. And we are entering the holiday season without chocolate. Yeah!!! He is still wearing shoes which is a miracle in my mind. And he is now wearing socks after years and years of refusing to consider socks.
I just continue to be thankful for the baby steps.
But I'm not opposed to wriring a book. Maybe my blog will be good reference for that one day down the line!
DW
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
another foot infection
Started Sunday. He can barely walk once again. Hobbling around. No real reason for this one as he has been sticking to Weight Watchers pretty good. Down 21 pounds. I wonder if it could be diet coke. It's the only thing non-nutritional he's doing at the moment. Well, that and he still eats a couple of Jolly Ranchers when he starts to go low. He is also testing his blood sugar once a day. I know he needs to check it a whole lot more, but this is more than he has done in years.
Baby steps. It's all good!
DW
Baby steps. It's all good!
DW
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Lactose intolerance
Well, he has definitely developed an intolerance to milk products. He had some cheese at dinner last night and was up all night long. Of course, that kept me up. I just can't seem to get in gear today and finally gave up.
And since he's not been able to keep food down, his sugar has been going low all day.
But I do think he's better tonight, thank goodness!
I love cheese, but I will change my way of cooking just so I can sleep nights!
We are still both dieting. It's still going well. Other than the cheese.
DW
And since he's not been able to keep food down, his sugar has been going low all day.
But I do think he's better tonight, thank goodness!
I love cheese, but I will change my way of cooking just so I can sleep nights!
We are still both dieting. It's still going well. Other than the cheese.
DW
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