I just want to dance! Life is on even keel and everything is going quite well. He is still having morning lows, but I am getting food into him earlier in the day and that's getting better. We are eating smaller meals, more frequently...like snacks thoughout the day and that seems to be helping. His feet are stable for the time being. He's off all week long but already been called in to a meeting tomorrow morning...but I'm hoping he can get some much needed rest this week. We really don't have much planned.
I'm letting him eat Brownies Tuesday and then on Wednesday, he has to start on the treadmill....at least 5 minutes every day and we will see if he can work up from that. I also hope he will do the bicycle. I'm going to schedule time each day for both of us to do a little bit of exercise and hopefully get him back on track with that.
We spent Thursday with his son, 2 granddaughters and their mom. It was the best "medicine" hubby could have had. I think he's starting to see that perhaps we should quit driving to see his parents and start spending more time with his kids and grandkids. I'm all for that!
Hope everyone else is having a peaceful week.
DW
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Saturday, December 15, 2007
How to get past depression
Hubby has been quite depressed this past week. I couldn't figure out if it was meds, the fact that he decided not to go "home" for the holidays, the holidays themselves, or what. So, this morning, I said to him, "get dressed, we are going to go play today!"
I thought for sure he would say no, but he got dressed and grudgingly went along with me. I had to take something back to a department store and while waiting at the checkout counter, he found holiday outfits for our 2 little chihuahuas. And I knew from the look in his eyes....we were on the right path!
We managed to get all of his holiday shopping done today (just in time that I can wrap them and send them out UPS), went to lunch at one of his favorite places and were home by 2 pm. I ran out and picked up a full body massage/heat mat and brought it home for him to lay on. By 6 pm, he decided he wanted to go out to dinner and I agreed. It was a place I have refused to go to for a whole year, but I decided to give in tonight! While there, I asked if he was feeling better and he said that he felt great. He thanked me over and over for making him go out today. And although he hurt like heck, he said it was a great day! He just seems really happy tonight.
So I think he is past his depression, and he has his holiday shopping all done. Yeah! I think he is finally in the holiday spirit and I hope he keeps it for the next couple of weeks!
I thought for sure he would say no, but he got dressed and grudgingly went along with me. I had to take something back to a department store and while waiting at the checkout counter, he found holiday outfits for our 2 little chihuahuas. And I knew from the look in his eyes....we were on the right path!
We managed to get all of his holiday shopping done today (just in time that I can wrap them and send them out UPS), went to lunch at one of his favorite places and were home by 2 pm. I ran out and picked up a full body massage/heat mat and brought it home for him to lay on. By 6 pm, he decided he wanted to go out to dinner and I agreed. It was a place I have refused to go to for a whole year, but I decided to give in tonight! While there, I asked if he was feeling better and he said that he felt great. He thanked me over and over for making him go out today. And although he hurt like heck, he said it was a great day! He just seems really happy tonight.
So I think he is past his depression, and he has his holiday shopping all done. Yeah! I think he is finally in the holiday spirit and I hope he keeps it for the next couple of weeks!
A little bit of education, fun and maybe money......
I have absolutely, positively no idea what I'm doing, but someone sent me a link to Pay Per Post....and I decided to learn a little bit about writing html and editing that in a post. But why shouldn't all/any of us make a few pennies as we post our journeys here?
payperpost
payperpost
Friday, December 14, 2007
Today's nephrology visit
I think I'm exhausted and it was his appointment. His HMO does not have a nephrologist, so this was a referral outside the system. Of course, there is not a whole lot that she can do other than make observations. Sigh.
His A1c is normal. You wouldn't believe the look I got from her when I said that he is having a lot of lows and must be having highs to balance out the A1c. I immediately knew she did not like me, did not want me there, did not want to hear any of this.
And it's such a game with him. She asked if his doctor had talked to him about diet and limiting salt. He said yes and that we use "no salt" or salt substitutes. She said, "good, good". And then I said that yes, they had talked to him about that, but he loves to eat out and that he doesn't really follow any of the recommended diet plans. Again, I got "that look".
They had taken him off allopurinol and colchicine because his creatine levels had gone up. She put him back on 100mg /day of allopurinol and is giving him a 9 day burst of prednisone. I was a bit surprised with this as it works to raise blood sugars. And not once did she mention to him or ask him about daily glucose monitoring. Sigh.
Further, she told him to go back on the colchicine as needed for pain, up to 1 every other day. So, does this mean that his creatine levels will go back up?
He is on Novulin N 66 twice a day and R 30 twice a day. She asked him to cut back his salt and cut back his lasix. His weight is up to 246 pounds. A gain of 25 pounds this year. She did tell him that he is stage 3 CKD, his function is now at 32% and that yes, it can go up after being down....that the creatine levels were probably up due to too many drugs (which she is putting him back on).
She wants to see him every 6 months.
I asked her about a non-invasive glucose monitor/pump like MiniMed Paradigm Real-Time of CGMS system Gold. She said we need to see his endocrinologist for that. He does not have one. He only has a rheumatologist and a primary care physician.
I explained the peeks/valleys that I see with Novolin R& N and asked about Lantus/Novolog or novorapid and again, she said see the primary care or endocrinologist.
I inquired about remedies for depression, foot pain, headaches (suggested a pain management clinic).....and with each one...she said we needed to see the primary care.
So on the way home, I suggest that he make an appointment to see his primary care as soon as he could and to have his labs redone in 2 weeks to see the impact of prednisone and the other drugs on all his levels.
He's gone back to his HMO now to get his RX filled, but I could tell he was a bit depressed. I think it's more because I was there asking questions rather than any answer she was giving us. But I can also see that he is obviously not giving these doctors the full, complete picture.
I did also mention that he cannot exercise due to the pain in his feet, knees, hips and back. Again, she said there wasn't much she could do about it.
I'm wonder if a nephrologist really only comes into play when a patient gets to stage 4? Or perhaps look at the combination of drugs they are currently on? But she really couldn't make a change in the type of insulin he is getting which I found interesting, but probably has more to do with the fact that this was a referral outside his HMO.
I will just continue to make my observations here, keep this as my notes to refer back to, and wait for the next doctor's visit. In the meantime, until he wants to make changes in his diet, I don't see much else that can be done.
His A1c is normal. You wouldn't believe the look I got from her when I said that he is having a lot of lows and must be having highs to balance out the A1c. I immediately knew she did not like me, did not want me there, did not want to hear any of this.
And it's such a game with him. She asked if his doctor had talked to him about diet and limiting salt. He said yes and that we use "no salt" or salt substitutes. She said, "good, good". And then I said that yes, they had talked to him about that, but he loves to eat out and that he doesn't really follow any of the recommended diet plans. Again, I got "that look".
They had taken him off allopurinol and colchicine because his creatine levels had gone up. She put him back on 100mg /day of allopurinol and is giving him a 9 day burst of prednisone. I was a bit surprised with this as it works to raise blood sugars. And not once did she mention to him or ask him about daily glucose monitoring. Sigh.
Further, she told him to go back on the colchicine as needed for pain, up to 1 every other day. So, does this mean that his creatine levels will go back up?
He is on Novulin N 66 twice a day and R 30 twice a day. She asked him to cut back his salt and cut back his lasix. His weight is up to 246 pounds. A gain of 25 pounds this year. She did tell him that he is stage 3 CKD, his function is now at 32% and that yes, it can go up after being down....that the creatine levels were probably up due to too many drugs (which she is putting him back on).
She wants to see him every 6 months.
I asked her about a non-invasive glucose monitor/pump like MiniMed Paradigm Real-Time of CGMS system Gold. She said we need to see his endocrinologist for that. He does not have one. He only has a rheumatologist and a primary care physician.
I explained the peeks/valleys that I see with Novolin R& N and asked about Lantus/Novolog or novorapid and again, she said see the primary care or endocrinologist.
I inquired about remedies for depression, foot pain, headaches (suggested a pain management clinic).....and with each one...she said we needed to see the primary care.
So on the way home, I suggest that he make an appointment to see his primary care as soon as he could and to have his labs redone in 2 weeks to see the impact of prednisone and the other drugs on all his levels.
He's gone back to his HMO now to get his RX filled, but I could tell he was a bit depressed. I think it's more because I was there asking questions rather than any answer she was giving us. But I can also see that he is obviously not giving these doctors the full, complete picture.
I did also mention that he cannot exercise due to the pain in his feet, knees, hips and back. Again, she said there wasn't much she could do about it.
I'm wonder if a nephrologist really only comes into play when a patient gets to stage 4? Or perhaps look at the combination of drugs they are currently on? But she really couldn't make a change in the type of insulin he is getting which I found interesting, but probably has more to do with the fact that this was a referral outside his HMO.
I will just continue to make my observations here, keep this as my notes to refer back to, and wait for the next doctor's visit. In the meantime, until he wants to make changes in his diet, I don't see much else that can be done.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
A Miracle
Well, I am quite happy tonight, yet I cannot act as happy as I am! LOL!
For the past 10 years, every holiday, we have driven 15 hours (30 hours round trip) to visit the in-laws. My hubby has never missed a Christmas with his mother. But yesterday, he called me into his office and said that he did not want to make the drive this year.
I think I am still in shock. And I can't begin to describe the wave of relief that came over me. I have such problems with back pain and I was not looking forward to that drive at all.
We spent an hour discussing it. He rationalized all the reasons for not going. And I did nothing to talk him out of this decision! But it's true. His parents are early 70s and still work. We only see them for 2 hours a day. Except for the days that he goes to work with them and that is no fun for him. We are in the house with his 94 year old grandmother who yells at him all day long, so that's no fun either. His back hurt just from a 4 hour drive on Sunday and because of his incontinence problems...he is just concerned about the long drive.
But he is also depressed today about not going. He is putting off that phone call to his mom telling her that we won't be coming down. It will be quite strange...the first time we have been in our home for Christmas in 10 years. I'm hoping he can take the week and just rest. I'm hoping he will get over his depression quickly.
As a note, he goes to the doctor this Friday and I am going with him. I believe we will be seeing his neuropathy doc. I'm making a long list of questions to ask including
pain management
pump
anti depression meds/treatment
long range plan for foot care
It will be interesting to see what the answers are.
DW
For the past 10 years, every holiday, we have driven 15 hours (30 hours round trip) to visit the in-laws. My hubby has never missed a Christmas with his mother. But yesterday, he called me into his office and said that he did not want to make the drive this year.
I think I am still in shock. And I can't begin to describe the wave of relief that came over me. I have such problems with back pain and I was not looking forward to that drive at all.
We spent an hour discussing it. He rationalized all the reasons for not going. And I did nothing to talk him out of this decision! But it's true. His parents are early 70s and still work. We only see them for 2 hours a day. Except for the days that he goes to work with them and that is no fun for him. We are in the house with his 94 year old grandmother who yells at him all day long, so that's no fun either. His back hurt just from a 4 hour drive on Sunday and because of his incontinence problems...he is just concerned about the long drive.
But he is also depressed today about not going. He is putting off that phone call to his mom telling her that we won't be coming down. It will be quite strange...the first time we have been in our home for Christmas in 10 years. I'm hoping he can take the week and just rest. I'm hoping he will get over his depression quickly.
As a note, he goes to the doctor this Friday and I am going with him. I believe we will be seeing his neuropathy doc. I'm making a long list of questions to ask including
pain management
pump
anti depression meds/treatment
long range plan for foot care
It will be interesting to see what the answers are.
DW
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Understanding adrenaline
Obviously this is in response to a comment that I rejected.
Quote:
The main cause of diabetes is the western diet--based on refined carbohydrates that rush sugar into the bloodstream, trans fatty acids that interfere with insulin receptors in the cells, and difficult-to-digest foods like pasteurized milk and modern soy foods that put a strain on the pancreas--but another cause of chronic high blood sugar levels, one that is often overlooked, is stress. Under stress, the adrenal glands produce adrenaline, an important stimulus for the production of glucagon, which raises blood sugar levels and allows the body to react with a "fight or flight" response. Chronic stress--the stress on the adult in the workplace, the stress on the student under pressure to perform, the stress on the child expected to conform to rigid guidelines or who has been sexually or emotionally abused, even the stress of a spiritual or religious outlook that assumes a clockwork universe or a vengeful god--results in constant outpourings of adrenaline resulting in overstimulation of glucagon to keep blood sugar levels high. The body then responds with increased production of insulin to bring blood sugar levels down.
http://www.westonaprice.org/moderndiseases/diabetes.html
So, when hubby is having a low, a good fight with me does the same thing as the stress mentioned above. Sugar is released into his body. There is an increased production of insulin to bring the sugars down. It is nothing but a vicious cycle....but it is his body's way of fighting to bring him from a low to a high to a normal.
A good fight increases sugar, and increases insulin production, gets him from his low to a high and back to a normal.
I think I'd rather he hit his thumb good and hard with a hammer, in fact...next time he starts an argument and I realize it's a low...I think I'll just hand him a hammer! LOL!
Quote:
The main cause of diabetes is the western diet--based on refined carbohydrates that rush sugar into the bloodstream, trans fatty acids that interfere with insulin receptors in the cells, and difficult-to-digest foods like pasteurized milk and modern soy foods that put a strain on the pancreas--but another cause of chronic high blood sugar levels, one that is often overlooked, is stress. Under stress, the adrenal glands produce adrenaline, an important stimulus for the production of glucagon, which raises blood sugar levels and allows the body to react with a "fight or flight" response. Chronic stress--the stress on the adult in the workplace, the stress on the student under pressure to perform, the stress on the child expected to conform to rigid guidelines or who has been sexually or emotionally abused, even the stress of a spiritual or religious outlook that assumes a clockwork universe or a vengeful god--results in constant outpourings of adrenaline resulting in overstimulation of glucagon to keep blood sugar levels high. The body then responds with increased production of insulin to bring blood sugar levels down.
http://www.westonaprice.org/moderndiseases/diabetes.html
So, when hubby is having a low, a good fight with me does the same thing as the stress mentioned above. Sugar is released into his body. There is an increased production of insulin to bring the sugars down. It is nothing but a vicious cycle....but it is his body's way of fighting to bring him from a low to a high to a normal.
A good fight increases sugar, and increases insulin production, gets him from his low to a high and back to a normal.
I think I'd rather he hit his thumb good and hard with a hammer, in fact...next time he starts an argument and I realize it's a low...I think I'll just hand him a hammer! LOL!
Life is peaceful for now
Just updating my thoughts here. The surgery was worth the 4 weeks of recovery. Hubby is walking quite nicely now. Pain is gone. He's getting more active and even riding the stationary bike once or twice a week.
He has quit eating bags of sugar....since I'm still on my no dessert kick. No dessert for me of any kind since Mother's Day....no diet soda...and almost no red meat. I cannot believe I have managed to stay away from sweets this long. I'm praying I can make it through the holiday season without breaking down!
We have had a few morning lows between the usual 8:30 and 10:30 am where he gets quite testy and we have a few arguments. I have decided to just "fight" back because it brings up his sugar level quicker and he gets back to normal quicker. And I write them all off as just being "normal" in that he is going to have these lows and I know he doesn't really remember what he has said. Our last one was last Monday when I was leaving to go visit my mom for a couple of days. Well...it wasn't long before he called an apologized. I just told myself that he didn't really mean the hateful things he said..he's having a low. I wish he understood that, but I'm sure he doesn't and I doubt that he ever will.
And because for the most part, life is quite calm at the moment, I can write those few outbursts off. But I want to blog them to record the progression of this disease.
We spent this weekend at my sister's house and she commented that she just couldn't believe how much he has improved from just a few weeks ago when she didn't think he would be alive by the end of this year.
In a couple of weeks, we are heading south to visit his parents over the holiday. I'm praying for a good trip. He has agreed to break up the drive into 2 days rather than 15 hours straight thru, and to only stay 5 nights rather than the usual 14 nights. So positive changes all the way around.
DW
He has quit eating bags of sugar....since I'm still on my no dessert kick. No dessert for me of any kind since Mother's Day....no diet soda...and almost no red meat. I cannot believe I have managed to stay away from sweets this long. I'm praying I can make it through the holiday season without breaking down!
We have had a few morning lows between the usual 8:30 and 10:30 am where he gets quite testy and we have a few arguments. I have decided to just "fight" back because it brings up his sugar level quicker and he gets back to normal quicker. And I write them all off as just being "normal" in that he is going to have these lows and I know he doesn't really remember what he has said. Our last one was last Monday when I was leaving to go visit my mom for a couple of days. Well...it wasn't long before he called an apologized. I just told myself that he didn't really mean the hateful things he said..he's having a low. I wish he understood that, but I'm sure he doesn't and I doubt that he ever will.
And because for the most part, life is quite calm at the moment, I can write those few outbursts off. But I want to blog them to record the progression of this disease.
We spent this weekend at my sister's house and she commented that she just couldn't believe how much he has improved from just a few weeks ago when she didn't think he would be alive by the end of this year.
In a couple of weeks, we are heading south to visit his parents over the holiday. I'm praying for a good trip. He has agreed to break up the drive into 2 days rather than 15 hours straight thru, and to only stay 5 nights rather than the usual 14 nights. So positive changes all the way around.
DW
Monday, November 26, 2007
Thanksgiving weekend
It was long. But for the most part, it went quite well. Thursday was at mom's. First year in a long time that not all of the siblings showed up, but we still had a great day. My sis#2 and her hubby followed us home. They gifted us a new utility room floor this weekend. They also brought their 2 grandsons ages 10 and 13 with them.
Hubby did not do so well on Friday. His feet hurt. I think it was too much food on Thursday. So he took codine and slept most of the day. But Saturday, he was actually able to help out a little with the floor and on Sunday he helped move the washer and dryer back in.
It's actually quite a comedy of errors as all of us are over 50 now. We still think we are 20. BIL is a contractor so he at least could direct us in what needed to be done. The grandkids were a huge help and it was nice to see them (my great nephews). The will soon be grown and gone and live far enough away that I probably will not see them often at all.
We find out tomorrow what hubby's travel schedules are for the rest of the year. And that will determine what we do for the holidays.
The only other change I've noticed is that the cpap machine doesn't seem to be working as well as when he first got it. He is starting to flop his leg again even when he has the machine on. And he is starting to snore through the mask. I think I may ask him to check with his doctor to see if the machine needs an adjustment of some kind.
Other than that, all is well for the moment.
Hubby did not do so well on Friday. His feet hurt. I think it was too much food on Thursday. So he took codine and slept most of the day. But Saturday, he was actually able to help out a little with the floor and on Sunday he helped move the washer and dryer back in.
It's actually quite a comedy of errors as all of us are over 50 now. We still think we are 20. BIL is a contractor so he at least could direct us in what needed to be done. The grandkids were a huge help and it was nice to see them (my great nephews). The will soon be grown and gone and live far enough away that I probably will not see them often at all.
We find out tomorrow what hubby's travel schedules are for the rest of the year. And that will determine what we do for the holidays.
The only other change I've noticed is that the cpap machine doesn't seem to be working as well as when he first got it. He is starting to flop his leg again even when he has the machine on. And he is starting to snore through the mask. I think I may ask him to check with his doctor to see if the machine needs an adjustment of some kind.
Other than that, all is well for the moment.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Home again
He's home and actually....no 10:30 am uproar, but I made sure I was out of the room and got him food! LOL! Pretty dang funny that I now have "visiting hours" with hubby!
His feet look marvelous. But then, he's been at sea level for a week. He's exhausted, but so far all is well.
Just my little update for today. I'm working on website design for my "other life". :o)
DW
His feet look marvelous. But then, he's been at sea level for a week. He's exhausted, but so far all is well.
Just my little update for today. I'm working on website design for my "other life". :o)
DW
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
My personal retreat
My sis is here and we have turned this house into a retreat! Using the jacuzzi, soaking my feet, using the hot wax foot bath...things like that! And designing in my studio, experimenting with new products, just having some girl time and some fun!
Talked to hubby tonight. This is a major proposal, a billion dollar deal, and he is working from 7 am til 11 pm. Well, that's when he quit tonight. He's also in a hotel and eating every meal out. Tonight was a business dinner...I'll bet money he had steak and dessert! I know his adrenaline is running full blast, which means his sugars are high. I know he will run like this all week long. He flies in Saturday....and then he will have a major crash that will last probably 3 days based on past experiences.
If I were smart...I would pack up and leave Sunday morning and go visit mom for 3 days! He is at sea level this week, so his feet are doing just great...of course. So, if he stays true to past practice, when he gets back here, to this altitude, his feet will get infected again and the increased pain will put him back in bed for 2 -3 weeks.
At least I now know what to expect and can sort of plan for it. I'll just have as much fun as I can this week and then revert to my role of caregiver next week. At least there is some balance to this at the moment. I have my creative outlet and this is my second week of playing. I should be good and ready come next week!
DW
Talked to hubby tonight. This is a major proposal, a billion dollar deal, and he is working from 7 am til 11 pm. Well, that's when he quit tonight. He's also in a hotel and eating every meal out. Tonight was a business dinner...I'll bet money he had steak and dessert! I know his adrenaline is running full blast, which means his sugars are high. I know he will run like this all week long. He flies in Saturday....and then he will have a major crash that will last probably 3 days based on past experiences.
If I were smart...I would pack up and leave Sunday morning and go visit mom for 3 days! He is at sea level this week, so his feet are doing just great...of course. So, if he stays true to past practice, when he gets back here, to this altitude, his feet will get infected again and the increased pain will put him back in bed for 2 -3 weeks.
At least I now know what to expect and can sort of plan for it. I'll just have as much fun as I can this week and then revert to my role of caregiver next week. At least there is some balance to this at the moment. I have my creative outlet and this is my second week of playing. I should be good and ready come next week!
DW
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Home alone!
Well, I know it was the title of a movie...but I'm back home and he's gone traveling....so I have a whole week alone! We met at the airport this morning. He said his feet are just fine...but he wasn't able to meet me at my gate, the walk was too far
I'm just going to enjoy the week!
I'm just going to enjoy the week!
Monday, November 05, 2007
Traveling
We are both traveling starting tomorrow. I'm off on an artist retreat and he has a business trip. I have a week of peace and fun....hate to confess how totally excited I am, but I am!!!
I probably need to do this a little more often. :o)
I probably need to do this a little more often. :o)
Saturday, November 03, 2007
and by the end of the day....
of course he apologized. Of course he has spent the day trying to make things right. He even went to the grocery store and managed to get about half of the list of stuff, brought them home and put them all away. That is a first in 9 years. He took me to a movie and out to dinner. So I assume all is well with his soul.
I've been doing some self-talk to me today. I want all to be well with my soul. But I'm having a difficult time as a woman. Men just want to fix everything. We don't let it rest. And I am trying to let this rest. I'm trying to cope with the realization that it's just his sugar levels. It's really not him. He doesn't mean anything that he says when he's having a low. He wouldn't say these things if he didn't have these lows.
So I'm back to being OK. But I swear, if he wakes up in the morning having a low, I'm going to start the fight...just to get it over with so he can apologize and I can get on with my day!
It's so strange being the spouse and looking at this from the outside. I realize that if he ever found my blog and read it, he would not believe it is him. He would not like the man he is when he is having lows. But he would just deny that this is who he is. Mainly because he isn't capable of knowing what he's doing when he's having a low.
On the other hand...this motivated me to at least take photos of stuff to list on ebay. I'm putting things in order, going to downsize this winter knowing that we will soon need to make a move to a one level house or condo. I'm upgrading my system software in a few minutes, so if it crashes, I will be offline for a few days.
It's good to have a goal and to have a plan. It keeps you focused when the rest of the world goes nuts around you.
I've been doing some self-talk to me today. I want all to be well with my soul. But I'm having a difficult time as a woman. Men just want to fix everything. We don't let it rest. And I am trying to let this rest. I'm trying to cope with the realization that it's just his sugar levels. It's really not him. He doesn't mean anything that he says when he's having a low. He wouldn't say these things if he didn't have these lows.
So I'm back to being OK. But I swear, if he wakes up in the morning having a low, I'm going to start the fight...just to get it over with so he can apologize and I can get on with my day!
It's so strange being the spouse and looking at this from the outside. I realize that if he ever found my blog and read it, he would not believe it is him. He would not like the man he is when he is having lows. But he would just deny that this is who he is. Mainly because he isn't capable of knowing what he's doing when he's having a low.
On the other hand...this motivated me to at least take photos of stuff to list on ebay. I'm putting things in order, going to downsize this winter knowing that we will soon need to make a move to a one level house or condo. I'm upgrading my system software in a few minutes, so if it crashes, I will be offline for a few days.
It's good to have a goal and to have a plan. It keeps you focused when the rest of the world goes nuts around you.
I had forgotten
what it's like when he travels. He gets such a high, such a rush, from being on the road, being in front of others giving presentations. And when he comes home....there's the inevitable crash. It started at 7 am today when he got up and fixed himself something to eat. I can tell he's still low. About an hour ago I just wanted to say, "Let's have our post-trip blow out...just go ahead, yell at me, get it over with!" Well, I should have because it just happened.
By yelling at me, the adrenaline starts to pump into his system again and the low will start to turn around....and he will be just fine in another 2 hours.
I am eternally tired of this. So when he comes to apologize....when he's all fine and dandy and wants to know what's wrong with me....I just smile and move forward.
But a little piece of me dies every time this happens. And he has 2 more trips coming up.
I really wish I could explain this to him so that he could see what a repitious patern this is. But he doesn't want to see that, so he won't.
By yelling at me, the adrenaline starts to pump into his system again and the low will start to turn around....and he will be just fine in another 2 hours.
I am eternally tired of this. So when he comes to apologize....when he's all fine and dandy and wants to know what's wrong with me....I just smile and move forward.
But a little piece of me dies every time this happens. And he has 2 more trips coming up.
I really wish I could explain this to him so that he could see what a repitious patern this is. But he doesn't want to see that, so he won't.
Friday, November 02, 2007
I can't reason with him
It's nearly 10 pm and I've not left for the airport to pick him up from this trip. He said his foot is just killing him and he sounds like he's in such an awful mood. Maybe I just won't go pick him up! LOL!
He said that he is flying out next Tuesday, home Thurs, then again on Sunday thru Saturday the next week.
I KNOW he is not well enough to this kind of rapid travel, to be on that foot that much.
But I swore to myself that I am going to support him and not bitch about it. So I AM going to vent here.
STUPID MAN!!! Have they written the "Idiot's guide to stupid men" yet? I NEED it! LOLOL!!!
OK...I still have my sense of humor about me tonight, but I truly think he is just being incredibly stupid. Maybe it's that he travels to please his employer....and I'm the one who has to listen to all the complaints? Maybe I should just write them all down and shove them in the complaint box at his work! :o)
Maybe I will just put earplugs in!
On the other hand...if he can do all this travel for work....maybe it's time we take that backpacking vacation across Europe!
OK...I need to quit...I'm laughing way too hard!!!
He said that he is flying out next Tuesday, home Thurs, then again on Sunday thru Saturday the next week.
I KNOW he is not well enough to this kind of rapid travel, to be on that foot that much.
But I swore to myself that I am going to support him and not bitch about it. So I AM going to vent here.
STUPID MAN!!! Have they written the "Idiot's guide to stupid men" yet? I NEED it! LOLOL!!!
OK...I still have my sense of humor about me tonight, but I truly think he is just being incredibly stupid. Maybe it's that he travels to please his employer....and I'm the one who has to listen to all the complaints? Maybe I should just write them all down and shove them in the complaint box at his work! :o)
Maybe I will just put earplugs in!
On the other hand...if he can do all this travel for work....maybe it's time we take that backpacking vacation across Europe!
OK...I need to quit...I'm laughing way too hard!!!
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Another worried wife
Worried Wife just added a comment to the 10/22 blog, and I thought it important to bring it forward. Feel free to post your advice to her. Anonymous posts may or may not be published.
"I too have a husband with diabetes. He was diagonsed over 4 years ago and is still in denial. His sugar ranges from 399(today) to 260, and my patience is running thin. I worry all the time, I can no longer nag or make him take his pills or insulin. He has no idea what he is doing to his family or kids. I pray he is around to see them get married and have kids themselfs.
I totally resent what he is doing to himself and our family. I feel he is being very selfish for not taking care of this serious problem.
I am tired of his mood swings and saying hurtful things to the family. I don't know what else to do.
Any help would be greatly appreciated."
My advice....well, I have none as I think I'm in the same place as you are. Just tired. I've quit worrying though and am taking care of paper work and getting prepared for the future. I'm looking at floor plans that allow wheelchairs, setting us up for home delivery of groceries for weeks that I'm out of town, taking care of things like that. I'm taking better care of myself (almost at 6 months with no sweets, no soda, no red meat!!!). I don't nag hubby any more. I try to keep our life together as calm, happy and peaceful....but there are still moments when I come into my studio and just sit here and cry. I pray all the time that he will change his eating habits. But I'm learning to live with the fact that he's probably not going to. (Note that little ounce of hope I can't let go of!) I try to joke as much as we can. And rest.
I think the biggest change in me is that I'm doing much better at taking care of me. That's made his disease a whole lot less stressful. Most days I feel like we are in a lull before the next storm....or we're weathering a current storm. I wonder if there's ever been a study done as to the number of spouses of diabetics who have ulcers! :o) OK...that's just sort of a little joke....but you know...I wonder...there must be an element of truth in there!
DW
"I too have a husband with diabetes. He was diagonsed over 4 years ago and is still in denial. His sugar ranges from 399(today) to 260, and my patience is running thin. I worry all the time, I can no longer nag or make him take his pills or insulin. He has no idea what he is doing to his family or kids. I pray he is around to see them get married and have kids themselfs.
I totally resent what he is doing to himself and our family. I feel he is being very selfish for not taking care of this serious problem.
I am tired of his mood swings and saying hurtful things to the family. I don't know what else to do.
Any help would be greatly appreciated."
My advice....well, I have none as I think I'm in the same place as you are. Just tired. I've quit worrying though and am taking care of paper work and getting prepared for the future. I'm looking at floor plans that allow wheelchairs, setting us up for home delivery of groceries for weeks that I'm out of town, taking care of things like that. I'm taking better care of myself (almost at 6 months with no sweets, no soda, no red meat!!!). I don't nag hubby any more. I try to keep our life together as calm, happy and peaceful....but there are still moments when I come into my studio and just sit here and cry. I pray all the time that he will change his eating habits. But I'm learning to live with the fact that he's probably not going to. (Note that little ounce of hope I can't let go of!) I try to joke as much as we can. And rest.
I think the biggest change in me is that I'm doing much better at taking care of me. That's made his disease a whole lot less stressful. Most days I feel like we are in a lull before the next storm....or we're weathering a current storm. I wonder if there's ever been a study done as to the number of spouses of diabetics who have ulcers! :o) OK...that's just sort of a little joke....but you know...I wonder...there must be an element of truth in there!
DW
Friday, October 26, 2007
A week ago...
my sister was here and said she didn't think my hubby was going to live through the winter....he looked that bad. Well, it's been a week and I can't describe the change! His foot is healing. The infection is subsiding. He is walking. He is getting up, taking a shower, shaving, going downstairs, eating, talking. Amazing what a week has done!
He's still in pain if he's up more than 30 minutes....but at least he is doing the stairs and I can go back to a somewhat normal routine in my day. Yeah!
I'm so relieved. I know he is pleased. It's nice to have him "back"!
He's still in pain if he's up more than 30 minutes....but at least he is doing the stairs and I can go back to a somewhat normal routine in my day. Yeah!
I'm so relieved. I know he is pleased. It's nice to have him "back"!
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Visit with the surgeon
Well, my first time to go with him to the doctor's office. This was the second followup to foot surgery. And it just never ceases to amaze me. They sent in a PA. She didn't even know that he is diabetic. Has never seen him before. She did say I was doing a great job keeping the wound clean. Wants to extend the antibiotics for another 10 days. Wants him to wash it out and then let it air dry for up to 2 hours, twice a day. Agreed it is a gout infection.
I so wanted to say, "You know, this looks so much worse than before you guys cut into it"....but I managed to keep my mouth shut! I also wanted to say, "Can you tell him he can run up and down the stairs now?" But once again, I kept my mouth shut! LOLOL!!!
She wanted to know who drew the ink lines on his foot and why. I explained that a FNP friend came over to look at it because it was just so bad and that's where the infection had been. She gave me a look like I was completely insane....like there is no way it could have been that infected. And I just said, "it's amazing how much it's improved since Sunday."
She found a small sore growing between his little toe and the one next to it and asked me to start cleaning that and looking after.
And she wants to see him back in a week.
I so wanted to say, "You know, this looks so much worse than before you guys cut into it"....but I managed to keep my mouth shut! I also wanted to say, "Can you tell him he can run up and down the stairs now?" But once again, I kept my mouth shut! LOLOL!!!
She wanted to know who drew the ink lines on his foot and why. I explained that a FNP friend came over to look at it because it was just so bad and that's where the infection had been. She gave me a look like I was completely insane....like there is no way it could have been that infected. And I just said, "it's amazing how much it's improved since Sunday."
She found a small sore growing between his little toe and the one next to it and asked me to start cleaning that and looking after.
And she wants to see him back in a week.
Monday, October 22, 2007
He's "on" to me!
His daughter called tonight and chatted with him. He hung up just smiling from ear to ear and said, "is there something in the air this weekend? Both my kids call me?"
I didn't say a word. I swear I had a complete poker face and he said, "Yeah, I think there was something in the air this weekend and I think it was you!"
And I just burst out laughing. I told him I'd sent them a little note saying I thought he could use some cheering up. He snarled, then started smiling again!
So....they didn't do it on their own, but at least they responded to my note. Good for them.
His foot is finally looking a little better...just in time for tomorrow's doctor's visit.
I didn't say a word. I swear I had a complete poker face and he said, "Yeah, I think there was something in the air this weekend and I think it was you!"
And I just burst out laughing. I told him I'd sent them a little note saying I thought he could use some cheering up. He snarled, then started smiling again!
So....they didn't do it on their own, but at least they responded to my note. Good for them.
His foot is finally looking a little better...just in time for tomorrow's doctor's visit.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
A visit from granddaughter can cure so much
His son called last night after he got the email from me. He brought their older daughter over today as the baby is quite sick and stayed home with his wife. But hubby was in heaven. He got up, got dressed, came downstairs early and just sat and waited. They arrived about 10 am. Such an energetic little 5 year old. His son brought video tape of both girls, so hubby and son were in the office dubbing it and I took his granddaughter down to my studio and she got tons of things to play with. We came back upstairs and sat at the kitchen table and she made 5 or 6 cards "for grandpa". About wore me out! LOLOL!
I didn't realize they were coming quite as early as they did and had just put a load in my kiln, so as soon as that was done, we went out to lunch. Hubby just sat and smiled the whole time while the granddaughter happily bounced from him to her dad to me.
We came back home and they left and hubby went upstairs to bed and he didn't surface again. I asked and he agreed that it just absolutely wore him out, but it's something he really wanted to do. So I didn't say a word. I just let him sleep the rest of the day. I let him and his son have quite a bit of time alone together and I haven't bothered to ask what they talked about. But hubby was completely pleased over the visit and his son promised to come back soon. I have plans to go on an artist retreat in about 3 weeks and suggested they come while I'm gone, so they are going to try and arrange that.
When I went to clean his wound tonight, I told him that the center of the open wound looks like orange jello. I've never seen anything like that at all. Did absolutely nothing for my queasy stomach. I'm glad he goes to the doctor in just 2 days. I have a feeling it's gout showing through the wound, but absolutely no idea if that's what it is or not.
Thanks for all your kind comments yesterday. I really do know his swelling in his face and eyes is related to kidney failure. For today, I'm deciding to take the path of trying to keep him happy and comfy. He was extremely happy today. :o)
DW
I didn't realize they were coming quite as early as they did and had just put a load in my kiln, so as soon as that was done, we went out to lunch. Hubby just sat and smiled the whole time while the granddaughter happily bounced from him to her dad to me.
We came back home and they left and hubby went upstairs to bed and he didn't surface again. I asked and he agreed that it just absolutely wore him out, but it's something he really wanted to do. So I didn't say a word. I just let him sleep the rest of the day. I let him and his son have quite a bit of time alone together and I haven't bothered to ask what they talked about. But hubby was completely pleased over the visit and his son promised to come back soon. I have plans to go on an artist retreat in about 3 weeks and suggested they come while I'm gone, so they are going to try and arrange that.
When I went to clean his wound tonight, I told him that the center of the open wound looks like orange jello. I've never seen anything like that at all. Did absolutely nothing for my queasy stomach. I'm glad he goes to the doctor in just 2 days. I have a feeling it's gout showing through the wound, but absolutely no idea if that's what it is or not.
Thanks for all your kind comments yesterday. I really do know his swelling in his face and eyes is related to kidney failure. For today, I'm deciding to take the path of trying to keep him happy and comfy. He was extremely happy today. :o)
DW
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