Saturday, November 03, 2007

and by the end of the day....

of course he apologized. Of course he has spent the day trying to make things right. He even went to the grocery store and managed to get about half of the list of stuff, brought them home and put them all away. That is a first in 9 years. He took me to a movie and out to dinner. So I assume all is well with his soul.

I've been doing some self-talk to me today. I want all to be well with my soul. But I'm having a difficult time as a woman. Men just want to fix everything. We don't let it rest. And I am trying to let this rest. I'm trying to cope with the realization that it's just his sugar levels. It's really not him. He doesn't mean anything that he says when he's having a low. He wouldn't say these things if he didn't have these lows.

So I'm back to being OK. But I swear, if he wakes up in the morning having a low, I'm going to start the fight...just to get it over with so he can apologize and I can get on with my day!

It's so strange being the spouse and looking at this from the outside. I realize that if he ever found my blog and read it, he would not believe it is him. He would not like the man he is when he is having lows. But he would just deny that this is who he is. Mainly because he isn't capable of knowing what he's doing when he's having a low.

On the other hand...this motivated me to at least take photos of stuff to list on ebay. I'm putting things in order, going to downsize this winter knowing that we will soon need to make a move to a one level house or condo. I'm upgrading my system software in a few minutes, so if it crashes, I will be offline for a few days.

It's good to have a goal and to have a plan. It keeps you focused when the rest of the world goes nuts around you.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thank you for taking the time to blog. I am really struggling. My husband is a diabetic. For some time now he has had me convinced I must be going crazy because I would cry, and still do, when he has his angry outburst. I have no one to talk to. He is a very public figure, who has been convinced by his peers that he is on top of his game - perfect life. He receives numberous community and church awards and honors. He's a good man and I dearly love him, but when he's angry he can be so cruel. I have never seen him check his sugar. I have bought him several testers. He has an answer for everything. I even went to my own doctor the other day and asked her if the things he says to me could me true. I am in menopause, which makes me even more sensitive. Can you suggest any good literature to help me out? I have thought about counseling, but he told me not to go without him. I said okay, let's go, but then he changes the subject. If I bring it back up... then here we go again. I am so tired of feeling bad about myself and walking on eggshells.