Sunday, October 28, 2007

Another worried wife

Worried Wife just added a comment to the 10/22 blog, and I thought it important to bring it forward. Feel free to post your advice to her. Anonymous posts may or may not be published.

"I too have a husband with diabetes. He was diagonsed over 4 years ago and is still in denial. His sugar ranges from 399(today) to 260, and my patience is running thin. I worry all the time, I can no longer nag or make him take his pills or insulin. He has no idea what he is doing to his family or kids. I pray he is around to see them get married and have kids themselfs.
I totally resent what he is doing to himself and our family. I feel he is being very selfish for not taking care of this serious problem.
I am tired of his mood swings and saying hurtful things to the family. I don't know what else to do.

Any help would be greatly appreciated."

My advice....well, I have none as I think I'm in the same place as you are. Just tired. I've quit worrying though and am taking care of paper work and getting prepared for the future. I'm looking at floor plans that allow wheelchairs, setting us up for home delivery of groceries for weeks that I'm out of town, taking care of things like that. I'm taking better care of myself (almost at 6 months with no sweets, no soda, no red meat!!!). I don't nag hubby any more. I try to keep our life together as calm, happy and peaceful....but there are still moments when I come into my studio and just sit here and cry. I pray all the time that he will change his eating habits. But I'm learning to live with the fact that he's probably not going to. (Note that little ounce of hope I can't let go of!) I try to joke as much as we can. And rest.

I think the biggest change in me is that I'm doing much better at taking care of me. That's made his disease a whole lot less stressful. Most days I feel like we are in a lull before the next storm....or we're weathering a current storm. I wonder if there's ever been a study done as to the number of spouses of diabetics who have ulcers! :o) OK...that's just sort of a little joke....but you know...I wonder...there must be an element of truth in there!



Jean said...

I really do wonder how many spouses of non-compliant diabetics end up with ulcers. No kidding, my stomach has been in knots almost all the time these last couple of days. My husband looks frighteningly ill and is behaving like some psychotic control freak on a Lifetime movie. I looked up emotional abuse the other day, and he is exhibiting half of the telltale signs. I clearly need some new stress reduction techniques if I'm going to survive this.

Diabeteswife said...

Jean, I really hope this passes soon for your sake. Just know that a little over a week ago, my sister saw my husband and thought he would not make it through the winter, he looked that bad. I emailed both of his kids to come visit. Now, just 9 days later...he is back to "normal" as it is with him. He has made an amazing recovery. It doesn't take much of an infection to knock him flat in bed these days and I have to learn to live with yet another type of roller coaster ride.

I wonder if your hubby is behaving like a psychotic control freak...if he know he has no control over what is going on in his body and is thus trying to gain control over everything else and everyone else around him?

The other thing I've read a lot about is the abuse. If, when in a high or low, they really do not remember what they say or do, then you could be putting yourself at risk by staying. Just something to think about. I have a tough one with this myself. I "think" I am getting better at recognizing when he is in an extreme low based on his abusive type behavior.....and that's when I tell him I have an "emergency"....I need to go help my best friend out of a "jam", or my sister "needs" me right then....and I leave the house. Yes, I fully understand that he might go into a coma and die. But when the abuse is that bad...I need to get out right then and there. My's healthier for me if he goes into a coma than if he beats me up!

I agree...I have a strange, twisted mind at times! But again, I've more than had it with his unwillingness to take care of himself and I'm certainly not going to allow that decision on his part to cause ANY harm to me in ANY way. And that includes emotional abuse.

Truly hope things turn around for you. I know this cannot be easy. I'm right there with you.


Simon said...

Yes, you really don't remember things. To the best of my knowledge, I've never been really nasty in a bad low, but I don't know it for certain.

When you get very low, your brain really doesn't function as it should. You do crazy things and unless you are really on to it, you don't know you are doing them.

The signs that you are getting low vary from person to person. I'm lucky, my vision goes wonky so I pick it fairly quickly. For others they may have next to no warning at all and end up in a real mess without actually realising they are going there.

I so wish I could be there for the non-compliant diabetics. To be able to sit with them and talk to them on the same level. On the "I know what it's like, I was there too!" level. Not just for there sake but for those around them, particularly their spouses. I'm certain they have no idea that they are actually (sometimes very badly) hurting the ones they love, not just themselves.

Anonymous said...

i wonder if these guys are experiencing ANY real lows

if they aren't taking their meds/insulin, it is more likely that their blood sugar is high

Diabeteswife said...

Even if they don't take their meds, for every major high, there's a major low, if their A1Cs are normal. That's exactly what happens to my hubby. He has major highs at night and noon, major lows at 10:30 am and 8 pm. And his A1Cs are within the normal range, yet we know this happens because it shows when he is willing to do 8 pricks/day for the docs.