Monday, July 06, 2009

Edona wrote:

I feel for you. I thank you. My DH would never blog, let alone read a blog, but he would completely understand the shoes you walk in. I've been Type 1 diabetic for 37 years. My DH and I have been married for 15+ years. I always, always thank him for marrying me, because I know it was probably one of the hardest things he's ever done. But, he's stood by me. He's picked me up when I've fallen (on floors, through shower doors, etc..) with a low blood sugar. He's learned to tone me out when I'm ranting with a high and he can set his clock to the minute when I come down the hallway after a shower and a pump change and my sentence starts with "Guess what...?" He and our two kids all shout in unison... "you hate diabetes!". Sorry about the stalker. They're out there! And, there do seem to be a lot of angry ones.

Thank you!!! It is amazingly wonderful to read from someone who knows what they put their spouse through. Thank you from all of us!!!

Lyrehca said...
I know your husband would probably never consider anything like this, but there *is* a warning system that gives you an alarm when you're heading low (or high): the Dexcom continuous glucose monitor.

It would be interesting for your husband to do a trial run of one for a week to see exactly where his blood sugar is all the time.

You know it! He's nt going to ever do anything like this......but I would love it if he would. He probably is not a good candidate for any type of continuous monitor as he would never clean it. How sad is that?

You know, I do sometimes wonder if there is an element of the fact that we are talking about men -- you know the Y chromosome.

I never thought of my husband as the macho type but he is a caretaker and he really does need to be in charge and he likes to be the car-driver and (ok, I'll stop, you get the idea)

Now that I spent the weekend on the internet looking for on-line opportunities to "chat" and seeing your response - I get it. first, some people are SO defensive - they don't understand that we aren't really saying these things so much as a criticism of them but as a place to go to share our feelings and get validation for what we feel. Of course, we think they are wrong -- because so much of what they do, well is wrong. But that's not the point of this space -- its really to share.

I looked on one website (I won't name it you probably know) and they are all about being "kind" to each other. Well that's all well and good but it really doesn't help when you are desperate and scared and think you are the only woman in the world who thinks that she is the most horrible being because she can't handle one more time when her husband hits bottom.

and we do appreciate you filtering out the screaming "jims" who want to make us feel bad. we are not bad, we are burdened and loving and caring and we try so hard to do the right thing.

we know its difficult for them that's why its so difficult for us. otherwise it would be easy for us to leave when they abuse us so terribly. who else would put up with the type of emotional garbage we get?

Now I'll stop and leave you alone.

You are terrific I wish you a wonderful trip. Tom's wife

Dear Tom's Wife. It's just not online....the diabetics I meet in person are completely defensive. Some of my art pals are starting to open up and talk to me about it. A couple have even acknowledged their denial. Most of them are women who don't "have the time" to eat right or test. I find that a bit humorous as I think we all still have 24 hours in a day!!!

I tend to call a spade a spade and just don't go in for that touchy-feely stuff. Doesn't seem to help me one iota when he slides of the chair into a coma on the floor. And as you said, when you are scared to help in being kind and polite and politically correct at that moment either. I have often wondered what a non-compliant diabetic does when no one is around. And I know that is exactly why my hubby often comments that his worst fear in all of life is that he will die alone.

Thanks for your post. There really is comfort in knowing we are not a lone and in understanding the moment-by-moment battles we each face.



Lyrehca said...

Hi--with HIPPA laws, I wonder what kind of effect this could have, but is there any way you could contact your husband's diabetes doctor (I can't remember if he sees an endocrinologist or not) and tell them that you would like the doctor to have your husband consider doing a trial of a continuous glucose monitor? I've done 2 day trials in the past, and the results can be really eye opening. You could print out the results and then show your husband exactly where he is going low and exactly how it coincides with his behavior. If the doctor pooh-poohs the idea, explain exactly why you think it is needed (the family history with his daughters, your own experiences, etc.).

Also, I don't know where you are based, but some of the larger medical centers have therapists on site who have backgrounds in diabetes. Would it be worth contacting one to get coping tips for living with a noncompliant diabetic?(Maybe they'd do phone sessions if you're not local). I know you say it's not your disease, but it's like how Al-Anon is for relatives of alcoholics--it'd be to learn how to better deal with someone who has a particular disease.

Anonymous said...

I wasn't going to bother you again, but I can't help it. I think I'm in love with you. Are you my sister? :)

To Edona: You are wonderful! we wish there were more like you. You, we could live with. You sound like you are willing to admit when you err.

To Lyrehca: My dh has one of those gizmos, believe it or not. And right now it is sitting here on the table next to me (buzzing away) while he is outside doing yardwork! then he puts it under his pillow at night "so he will hear it and it will wake him up! But guess who it wakes up? yes, you have it, Me! he is so used to it that he just ignores it. He has a pump (which buzzes) and the monitor (which buzzes) a blackberry (which buzzes) and a cell phone (which buzzes)! no wonder he ignores them all!

Finally, to you, you are so right, anger and denial are just what they are. we just can't change that. we can only help each other. I am now hooked on your blog (I find it easier responding to your entries than starting from nothing on my own) and will check every day. but again, if I don't respond before then, have a good trip.

tom's wife