Another wife blogging.....

Tired wife and mom

She's started her blog and telling her story.  Wow....we are growing!!!  I can't tell you how wonderful it is to NOT be so alone in all of this.  Finally.  Together, in unison, we might yet make a difference in how therapists think....and give a voice of reality to what happens when a diabetic doesn't take care of themselves.

So, I will call her TWM (tired wife/mom).  I completely understand.  You are actually very brave to be able to tell him at such a young age that you will not watch him die.  And kudos to you for telling him that you will not allow your children to watch him die.  It takes strength to say something like that.  And while it's terribly hard to do, it's the right thing (in my opinion).

This past week, there has been a terrible fire where my brother lives.  It came within 2 miles of their home. Lots of dry timber in the area and at times, the flames were jumping 300 feet high and the winds were going 45 mph.  His kids are 9 and 11.  Nightmare city.  They packed and packed and moved stuff out to a friends place and the sheriff came and told them to get out and they waited and waited and watched.  Children should not have to experience that kind of fear at such a young age.  Then I got to thinking.  I was 12 years old when my grandma's house burnt to the ground on a farm in the midwest.  I cried for days.  Life was never quite the same because she moved to town in an apartment and all the cousins couldn't run on the farm and play together.  I remember seeing the pile of ashes and blackened timbers that I had been inside of just the day before.  I have been scared to death of fires ever since.

I think watching a parent die from the effects of diabetes would not be any less frightening.  And perhaps more so because it could last for years on end.  There is much of this that they can be protected from. But the yelling and screaming while in a low.....no one is immune from that.

Sunday was Father's Day.  My husband's children are grown and are from his previous marriage.  Neither one of them called him. Neither one came to visit.  My heart simply ached for him.  But I know why.  They honestly believe that they grew up in an abusive home.  They do not understand diabetes at all.  All they remember were all the times when he screamed and yelled at them, blamed them, threatened them.  And I'm pretty positive that he was in one of his sugar lows.  I've learned to deal with them.  But children don't learn and their mom was pretty oblivious to his diabetes back then.

They don't want the grandchildren to be around him.  I can guarantee you that he has never had an outburst around them. When we do get invited to attend an event, I make sure that his glucose is ok.  If it's not, we call off sick.  I almost always go with him and his behavior is perfect.  But his children remember.  They have not forgotten.  And yes, I have tried to explain to them that it was his diabetes.  But they have chosen not to forgive him.

So if you do have children, educate them.  Teach them that this is not normal behavior.  Let them know why lows and highs happen and what can be done to help the diabetic. Always have a safe place to go to.  And never hesitate to walk away if the situation gets that bad.

TWM, if you've read my blog, you know I'm not a therapist.  I just write about my own experiences and give my own suggestions. Take them as a grain of salt!  My husband is alive today because of many, many prayers said for him from all over the world.  Yet he still refuses to take care of himself.

Welcome to the group!



Nephrology called today. He was supposed to go have labs done on June 1.  Hopefully, he will do them tomorrow.  I'm so grateful they are staying on top of this.  :o)

The "battle" continues.....

I am having a great time with my sister this week!

He is pouting and sulking....

She and I started Atkins and we are eating according to the plan.  We offer what we are fixing to him along with bread or something he can get carbs from.

He fixes his own meals or goes to a fast food place and brings it home.

He said, "guess I'm on my own again tonight".

I said, "if you don't want to eat what we fix, then I guess you are"

She and I are talking non-stop about everything.  Making plans to move to the same retirement community.

He is answering any question with a one syllable, one word answer

We are creating and designing

He is sulking and pouting.

This week, I happen to be able to see how hilarious this is.  He is trying to manipulate and control by using his emotions and the more we ignore him, the more he acts out his behavior.  Nothing less than a 10 year old boy!

Last night, I inquired about his glucose.  It's been running 190 - 220.  I asked if he had been reporting his numbers to endocrinology.  He said yes.

Does he not know that I can go online and check this out myself?  Last time he emailed her was 3/27/11.   I also found out that he has not emailed his personal physician like he said he would do.

So I cannot help him.  There is no help.  He is back to his old tricks and the only thing I can do is ignore him.  And I swear, when he goes into that diabetic coma....I will not be the one who calls 911.  Yes, it is beyond frustrating, but I have been living like this for 12 years and it's time it stops.  He has taken away so much of my life and it's time to get it back.

Today, we are off to have a very special lunch with an elderly couple.  He is going.  He refused to eat breakfast of any kind.  I'm sure he is planning to gorge himself at lunch.  Then we are driving another hour to drop my sister off - meeting up with her husband.  I will certainly miss her.  But the weekend is here and next week we are off to the beach for a much needed vacation.  Yep, more on my anticipatory fears of TSA pat downs coming soon!  LOL!!!

DW

The "sugar" holidays

Yep, I'm going to take the liberty and rename all of them.....starting with tomorrow.  It's....
Candy easter
Pie 4th of July
Candy halloween
Cake thanksgiving
Candy christmas
Cake birthday
Alcohol new year's eve

Is there any "holiday" not related to having something sweet???  Maybe I should retitle all of these as diabetes hell holidays?  :o)

Not to mention that we get to have 8 or 9 birthdays per year with the grandkids, and maybe 2 or 3 of each holiday event considering who is where and when.

Oh, and you think my non-compliant diabetic husband is going to NOT eat something sweet?  Sigh!

I'm still trying to figure out which holiday is the worst and I do believe it is the christmas one as it seems to be the longest.

I no longer celebrate any of the holidays here in our house.  I refuse to buy candy or cake or pie.  But there's no end to the supply others will set out for him.....and they all know he is a diabetic who can't control what he eats!

Just my rant this morning!!!

As for the comments from yesterday about getting him in for a second consult...  Remember, this is a guy who will go 2 years without seeing any doctor.  The only reason he is going right now is they are all labeled "post op".  The one year visits will still be "post op" so he will go to those.  He is not about to get a second opinion.  The one shot we had is all I will ever get out of him.  He told the cardiologist that he does not want to take meds for depression and she did not argue with him (but then she doesn't know him either - first time to see her).

That's what this is all about - living with a non-compliant diabetic. OK, a non-compliant non- healthy person because he would be this way about anything that went wrong with him, diabetes or not.  Just makes it a little bit more difficult since he's had his diabetes so long and so many things seem to be going wrong right now.

My mantra - one day at a time, on step at a time.

DW

Part of the problem is just me

I was awake most of the night, and know I'm coming down with something. So perhaps part of my feelings when I posted last night were just being exhausted from the start of a cold. Knock on wood, I haven't been sick in about 4 years now. I'm hoping I can divert this one...will start on mega doses of Vitamin C as soon as he gets up.

Slept on the sofa....off and on, sore throat, ear hurts, chest congested. I think it's just exhaustion. We've had house guests almost non-stop for 2 weeks....I've been trying desparately hard to keep life on an even keel with no outbursts from him...so I've been suppressing a lot of my own emotions and feelings. Last guest left yesterday....my sis is returning today or tomorrow...it's a little less stressful with her here. She knows everything that's going on and I don't have to try and cover up so much....but I still do.

Think I will just stay in bed today and try to sleep this one off. Can't really afford to "crash" until about next Wednesday. Have to giggle on that one....But it's what I'm doing today....self-talk....I just can't get sick just yet! :o)

So, as the spouse of a diabetic, why do we continue to cover up for them? And I know that we all do it....on a regular basis. We don't want our friends to know what we really go through? We don't want others to talk about us? I sort of think it's a normal process regardless of what "problems" go on in a family....and diabetes is a "problem" when it comes to outward behavior of someone who is non-compliant.

Maybe Vics Vapor Rub will solve more than just my sore throat today! LOL!

Yes, I can "dream". :o)