Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Another wife blogging.....

Tired wife and mom

She's started her blog and telling her story.  Wow....we are growing!!!  I can't tell you how wonderful it is to NOT be so alone in all of this.  Finally.  Together, in unison, we might yet make a difference in how therapists think....and give a voice of reality to what happens when a diabetic doesn't take care of themselves.

So, I will call her TWM (tired wife/mom).  I completely understand.  You are actually very brave to be able to tell him at such a young age that you will not watch him die.  And kudos to you for telling him that you will not allow your children to watch him die.  It takes strength to say something like that.  And while it's terribly hard to do, it's the right thing (in my opinion).

This past week, there has been a terrible fire where my brother lives.  It came within 2 miles of their home. Lots of dry timber in the area and at times, the flames were jumping 300 feet high and the winds were going 45 mph.  His kids are 9 and 11.  Nightmare city.  They packed and packed and moved stuff out to a friends place and the sheriff came and told them to get out and they waited and waited and watched.  Children should not have to experience that kind of fear at such a young age.  Then I got to thinking.  I was 12 years old when my grandma's house burnt to the ground on a farm in the midwest.  I cried for days.  Life was never quite the same because she moved to town in an apartment and all the cousins couldn't run on the farm and play together.  I remember seeing the pile of ashes and blackened timbers that I had been inside of just the day before.  I have been scared to death of fires ever since.

I think watching a parent die from the effects of diabetes would not be any less frightening.  And perhaps more so because it could last for years on end.  There is much of this that they can be protected from. But the yelling and screaming while in a one is immune from that.

Sunday was Father's Day.  My husband's children are grown and are from his previous marriage.  Neither one of them called him. Neither one came to visit.  My heart simply ached for him.  But I know why.  They honestly believe that they grew up in an abusive home.  They do not understand diabetes at all.  All they remember were all the times when he screamed and yelled at them, blamed them, threatened them.  And I'm pretty positive that he was in one of his sugar lows.  I've learned to deal with them.  But children don't learn and their mom was pretty oblivious to his diabetes back then.

They don't want the grandchildren to be around him.  I can guarantee you that he has never had an outburst around them. When we do get invited to attend an event, I make sure that his glucose is ok.  If it's not, we call off sick.  I almost always go with him and his behavior is perfect.  But his children remember.  They have not forgotten.  And yes, I have tried to explain to them that it was his diabetes.  But they have chosen not to forgive him.

So if you do have children, educate them.  Teach them that this is not normal behavior.  Let them know why lows and highs happen and what can be done to help the diabetic. Always have a safe place to go to.  And never hesitate to walk away if the situation gets that bad.

TWM, if you've read my blog, you know I'm not a therapist.  I just write about my own experiences and give my own suggestions. Take them as a grain of salt!  My husband is alive today because of many, many prayers said for him from all over the world.  Yet he still refuses to take care of himself.

Welcome to the group!

Nephrology called today. He was supposed to go have labs done on June 1.  Hopefully, he will do them tomorrow.  I'm so grateful they are staying on top of this.  :o)

1 comment:

tired wife and mom said...

:) It doesn't take long for somebody to feel welcome! One day at a time, for sure. Thank you!!!