Saturday, October 20, 2007

He is swelling up

Well, I "knew" that. But my sister and her hubby came today. They got here about 8 am and I hadn't finished drying my hair, so I ran back upstairs to do that and my sis came right behind me, shut the bedroom door and said, "Do you know how bad he looks?" and I jokingly said, "Do you know how bad I look?" LOLOL! Well, she wasn't kidding. She got so serious on me and said that his whole body is swollen up and his eyes are just little slants. And I said, "I know".

And I do know. He has put on 40 pounds in the last 3 months and it's because his kidneys are not flushing anything out of his system. With his enlarged prostate, he rarely urinates....and when he does, it comes on so sudden and he has no control over it.

So yes, I really do know. We had a dog that we loved about 6 years ago. He died of kidney failure. His whole body just swelled up and you could push in on his skin and it was like liquid. No idea why poor puppy's kidneys quit, but he was gone in less than 5 days. I'm hoping I have a bit longer than that.

I told her that I'm going to the doctor with him on Tuesday. This is just the foot doctor. I'm going to ask if there's any way we can get an earlier date with his kidney doc than December. Maybe there is nothing anyone can do for him at this point. She agreed it is heart breaking to watch him like this.

The gout infection has increased in his incision today. I have been cleaning it morning and night. He probably did too much walking on it yesterday, so today, I got the crutches out. Do you think he used them? NOT!

My sis and I had a good discussion today. Do I nag him to no end, make him eat right, make him use the crutches, try to at least stall what is going on in his body? Or do I just let him do whatever he wants to do as long as he has left in the world and try to laugh and make him as happy as possible? I'm so torn between the pros of both sides of that coin.

Our uncle recently died of throat and neck cancer. Mom (a retired FNP) advised him to NOT have the cancer removed, and to do as many things as he had dreamed of doing as fast as he could do them. He went on a cruise in the Mediterranean (sp?) and saw his grandkids every weekend. He was truly happy and satisfied when he died. Sometimes, I think mom is just beyond smart! And right now, I think I just want my husband to be as happy as he can be. And if that means he doesn't use crutches, or he eats burgers 3 times a day, maybe that's the path I should let him take. I'm just not real good at being a "policeman"....and I certainly don't need him snapping at me just because I'm trying to remind him what's best for him.

It's so incredibly hard when you love someone so much and you see their life ending right before your eyes. Yesterday, I think I grieved this all day long. I'm much better today, just taken aback that his condition has deterioriated so fast since they last saw him which was only 5 weeks ago. It's really hard to see when you live with someone every single day.

I have emailed his kids and asked them to come visit him. I think he would enjoy their company so much. But they are in their early 30s and I remember that time frame so well in my own youth....the last thing I wanted to do was go visit mom & dad! Fortunately...I've grown up just a bit since then! I'm pretty sure his son will call and come visit. Not so sure about his daughter. But I know he would dearly love to see his granddaughters.

And I'm taking steps to get paperwork in order. It's time. So I will be quite busy this next week taking care of things I've been putting off. Nothing like today to start!



Jean said...

Oh, Dear Wife, what a load is on your shoulders right now. I do think he'll get an emergency referral if he is retaining so much fluid. I wish you could get him in somewhere right this minute!

Christine-Megan said...

Swelling, especially in the eyes, is a sign of kidney problems.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry.

Amylia said...

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear this. How heartbreaking and also sadly frustrating. I hope you find moments of love and peace together and in your solitude.

You and your husband are in my prayers.

JustLittleMe said...

I read your blog all the time. I don't comment much, but I feel your pain and I fear that I will be in your situation some day soon. Thank you for sharing your thoughts - it helps me to know that other people are going through some of the same difficulties that I am. I'm glad you have your art - I will need to find something like that - a get-away. Thank you -

Faith said...

I hope this current crisis passes. And, oh, how I hope those kids come home to spend some time with their Dad.

We spouses will all survive this and come out stronger. You have inspired me to start my own blog about this crazy life we lead. Thank God we don't walk this road alone.

We're all right here with you.


Diabeteswife said...

Faith, I am really glad you are going to blog. It has helped me so much in so many ways. Right now, it is my method of venting and allows me to remain calm around him. If I write it down here, then I don't need to say it to him. Well, OK...that works most of the time! LOL!

justlittleme....find something, anything that provides some relief from the stress of being a caregiver. Do it now and get so involved in it that when you start to get depressed...that "world" will support you and sustain you through the daily problems of "this" world.

Jean, I know you know. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

my husband is a diabeic since 20 yrs. and now recently his feet ate swelling and does not seem so reduce , only in the morning after resint the whole night there is a change, but again during the day the welling starts. besides this he had an incision done on his right foot which is not healing since the last 7 months, any advise or please tell me what the situation is????????