Thursday, August 23, 2012

Annie wrote:

I have reached a point in my 6 year relationship with someone who has type 1 and I can't stand it anymore. Most of the time when he gets verbally abusive he says its because he is high or in some cases low. Is it just an excuse or is this ligit? I would hope that he is not using this as an excuse but I cant stand his usual statement anymore : " you know how I get when my blood sugar is high. How come you are being so sensitive."? This is all hard to explain in one blurb but I have been so patient, and even if I need to be more understanding to his Highs and lows I cant say it doesn't hurt and weigh on my emotions.

She posted this to an old blog and it will be buried so I will copy it here.  Annie, 6 years is an amazingly long time to put yourself in a verbally abusive relationship.

Is it legit or is it an excuse?  Hard to say.  Probably a little bit of both.  If he is going really low, he probably doesn't remember what he says to you.  If he is going high, he will most likely be jittery, edgy, ancy, angry....sort of both the same type of reaction when high and low....just different ends of the spectrum.

And while he may really not remember the words he says to you, he still said them and you remember them and that hurt never truly goes away no matter how much you love him.

I have come to the point where I think it is what he truly thinks of me, but that those feelings are masked when his glucose is level because he is so afraid to be left alone.  When he gets pissed, he threatens to leave.  When he is normal, he is so scared to be alone.  It's what we all call the "roller coaster ride".  You just never can tell from one moment to the next what mood he will be in.  And it's such a hard way to function on a day-to-day basis.

Trust me, I have many moments when I cannot stand it any more.  That is when I go do something.  Go to a movie alone, go walk around the mall, just go to the park and sit and watch people.  I get out and away for at least an hour and almost always by the time I return, he is back to normal.  It's a chance for me to clear my head, keep my wits about myself and try to get a handle on the fact that he most likely is not directing his abusive comments to me, simply flinging them in my direction.

And the hurt.  Well - it is there.  I think I've learned to live with it and forgive him, but I have my moments when I don't have to and I can be mad and angry at him for a pretty long time.  But it still hurts.  It never goes away. 

On the other hand, when he is "normal", life with him is wonderful and fun, and everything is great.  I often say that I wish I could be with "that hubby" all the time - life would be grande!  But it simply does not happen that way with a diabetic.

Good luck to you as you continue your journey


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