Friday, April 01, 2011

So tired.

We went to nephrology today. Another young, idiot doctor. He said, yes, hubby is anemic, but his numbers are going in the right direction, so he did not want to do anything.

He wants hubby to stop the atenolol.

Heart doc told us to NEVER stop the atenolol....not for any reason. I told the nephrologist that we would defer to the cardiologist.

I will also ask her about his anemia. Seriously...lack of oxygen getting to the brain and this idiot doesn't want to do anything?

Worthless human being if you ask me. Yes, I'm mad!!

He told hubby to start taking vitamin d again. Hubby's personal physician told him to stop taking it.

Can no one look at the whole???

So hubby is horribly depressed tonight. On top of getting no help with his anemia and sleeping 4-8 hours during the day plus at night...

His boss took some of his employees and reassigned them to other groups today while hubby was out on sick leave. The staff started calling him thinking it was an April fools joke and he had to tell them that he didn't think it was...but his boss didn't want to talk to him until Monday.

So I have a guy who is beyond depressed tonight...moping around, telling me how worthless he is and I do not have the physical energy to be his cheerleader.

I wonder if you can wish yourself to death. If you can, I think he is there.

He has almost quit eating. He doesn't want anything. He has no appetite. Losing weight right now is taking him in the wrong direction. He is already suffering from muscle loss.

Not been a good day at all. Days like this just exaust me.


Anonymous said...

If you could wish yourself to death, my 104-year-old grandmother would have died 10 years ago when my grandfather died. Instead she lies curled in a ball at a nursing home being forced to drink ensure and moved around by aides all the time.

the horrible part of your situation is that the medical industry is more focused on the benefit to the "stockholders" and the managers and less on the care of the patients! From a distance, we can let some of these young care-givers off of the hook a little, they are limited by the training and rules they are given and must follow. But often one wonders about their compassion. I guess that is no longer a necessary trait of a person in the profession.

Its ok that you are not the cheerleader for a day or two. If he is depressed -- well, then he is. This is not uncommon and another condition that (in my humble opinion) he also needs to address.

You and I know that in all probability I will do exactly the same things you are doing to care for my Tom when he is in the same condition as your hubby -- so my words must be taken with a grain of salt. However, what I want for you is to give him back some of the control and responsibility and "force" him to stand up for himself and throw your documentation into the face of his doctors and tell them himself that he needs help. even if some of that help is medication for his depression.

enough said, you know this, and it is so much easier said than done -- especially from the anonymity of the blog-world

good luck -- know my heart is with you.

and I hope Monday (work) brings good news.

Tom's Wife

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry DW.

I hate specialist. I hate them with a passion. I voice this from personal experience of dealing with them for my own health issues. They will NOT look at the whole person and don't care what any other specialist says or does. At most they give seven minutes of their time and with hand on door-knob ask if there is anything else.

I think someone can "wish yourself to death". Having the will to live is half the battle.

Hopefully he can cheer up. It sounds like he (and YOU) had a truely terrible day. My prayers go out to you both.


Lilly said...

As you and I have said before, if we could get all the doctors that our hubbies see in one room together, it would be so much easier. I wonder if they could come to any type of agreements then?

I really wish this could be done, because we as spouses end up trying to take it all on with the disagreements about meds, etc., and (you are right!) it is totally exhausting.

The depression and feeling useless is something that my husband faces every day as well. He was basically forced into medical/disability retirement at the age of 40, so he has had a lot of time on his hands feeling useless, as almost all of his friends are still working. Most of the time, I don't have the energy to deal with it either, as I feel like I am picking up the pieces on everything else.

Hang in there. I KNOW none of this is easy!