Sunday, March 27, 2011

What ever happened to.....

I went back through some old comments.  Over and over, I saw "I just found your saved my saved my marriage....I feel like you are me....."

so many people, mostly women, would pop in, make comments for 2 or 3 months and then leave.  I wonder where they are now.

Did their marriages last?
Did their diabetic husbands die?

I most miss Fran.  She would write early on and often.  Always such supportive comments.  Last I knew she was moving and thinking about leaving him.  Then blank.  Nothing.  Never heard a word again.  Did he kill her?

We use such anonymous names to protect ourselves and our families.....that when someone stops writing...I have to wonder what happened.

There was an annonymous poster who posted all the time.  Then nothing.  Just gone.

And Faith.  Here all the time, then gone.  Did her husband die?  Did it get too hard to read about what I was going through?  I can only imagine.  Whimsy2 was posting a lot and then nothing.

All these and more:

Worried Wife
Cat ofMany hats
Widow of a diabetic
Mrs. B
Plumber Wife
Brenda G
Lady Marian
Neil Curtis – he hasn’t posted since last September

I wonder:

1. If you were diabetic, did your disease take you from us?

2.  Did it get to hard, to close to home, to read what I wrote?

3.  Did I make you mad because you think this is never going to happen to you?

4.  Did you get all better and didn't need to read about diabetes any more?

I have a feeling it's not # 4!!!  I have a feeling the wivesleft or thespouses died.  I wonder if I would write about this if hubby dies.  OK, WHEN hubby dies.  I wonder if I will still try to reach out and support other women who are dealing with non-compliant spouses.

Although, perhaps, I need to change my description on this blog.  I would have to confess that after this last surger (ok, for one whole entire month now) he has been very compliant.  But he was compliant after his open heart surgery for 3 months and then that came to a schreeching hault!  So I'll wait another couple months and just see what happens here.  

For the most part, writing is therapy for me.  But I can imagine that reading what I write has to go to the heart of some of the readers.  If they are in denial, then of course, they will click off.  If it's too painful, they will click off.

Lilly, do you know you made your first comment on 3/28/08? I don't know of anyone left who has followed me longer than you have!

Tom's wife - the earlies comment I can find is 7/6/09.  Thank you for not leaving me alone!  You were the first to create your own blog and write about your experiences in order to help others.  I feel so completely connected to you....and I don't even know your name!

Lynn....your last comment:

jammie Sunday...I love that...and I am doing that too...Keep on keeping on and again, I hope you are still forging ahead with your plan to sell the house and move near your sis...that makes me happy and all I know you from is on here. HUGS

well,  by keeping myself anonymous probably actually KNOW me better than anyone who is part of my life outside this blog!  I keep the 2 separate.  But it is this place, this blog, where I can be the real me.  I can talk about the hurt, pain, fear, anger.  And that allows me to be a nice, polite, "christian" type wife.  Otherwise, I'd be screaming my head off in public!  LOL!!!

Our personal circle of friends is pretty small.  Interestingly, there are no other diabetics.  Hubby does not tell anyone that he has diabetes.  Only in the past 2 years have I told anyone other than my sisters and brother.  Our next door neighbors know because he went into a diabetic coma at their house.  They now keep glucose tabs and orange juice on hand.

I have many moments when I want to open up and share who I am, where we live, what our life is.  But for the moment, I do think it's better to remain the way I am.  It doesn't make this any less real, but perhaps protects the privacy of my husband as long as he is working.  And protects the privacy of his medical staff.  Who might not appreciate some of the things I say about them.  And might not be so supportive of him if they knew it was his wife out here blabbing away!  LOL!!!

I started this blog on March 22, 2006.  I have not made 511 posts in the last 5 years.  I don't know of many diabetics, let alone their spouses, who are posting the prognosis of their disease like I am. I don't post every week, sometimes I don't post every month.  But then there are times when I post twice a day.  It just depends on what's going on.....and my need to write it down.

Newtothis - I am taking your advice and copying over all the blogs into a word document.  Ok, several word documents!  It took me 2 hours to get 2006 copied over and that year has less posts than any other year.  So it's a project I will work on this week.  Thanks for the advice!

To all the wonderful comments that women have made here over the years, thank you.  I pray that those of you who have moved on are safe and loving life. Know that you helped me through the moment and for that, I will always be grateful.



Anonymous said...

DW, you humble me to the point of tears. I am so glad to hear you are making a hard copy. My thoughts for you doing this weren’t for the medical community. It was for us.

It is impossible to teach people anything thing if they don't want to learn. However, those searching for knowledge, an understanding, and just some real information to make sense out of chaos of this disease need and want it.

I'm going to get a little sappy here; however, I am being sincere: DW you inspire me, you as well as the other wives. All your blogs made me decide to start blogging as therapeutic support. And it is helping me.

Stop by some time (Day to Day with a Diabetic) and have a virtual cup of tea with me.

Love, S

Mary said...

I am still around. I pop in once a week to read your posts. Dh's glucose will not stabilize with oral medication. His next appointment is in three months and his doctor said that he is going to have him start insulin shots.

With his glucose going up and down it makes him irritable and difficult to live with. He does not make rational choices regarding finances. I am challenged each time I try to talk to him about his eating habits.

The worst part of his illness is that he BLAMES it all on me!

Some things that I am doing to survive: (1) I am going back to school and will finish my degree this summer. My plan is to enter into a full time career that fulfills my interests. (2) I have joined a writer's group and we meet once a week. (3) I attend a Bible study group once a week. (4) I am surrounding myself with supportive people.

Your blog has helped me in so many ways. I have to have a life beyond seeing to his everyday needs. I cannot be dependent on him for emotional support.


Lilly said...

I didn't realize I have been following you for all of 3 years now. I do remember my elation at finding someone who was going through like experiences. Of course, it has taken me most of those 3 years to pluck up enough courage to start my own blog, but I never would have done it without you.

Very troubling that so many have just quit writing and that you don't know why. Some of the possibilities for this are truly scary. I do have to agree with you about the anonymity thing, even though we often don't even know each other's true names. I would not be able to write what I do if I divulged my identity, and I also have concerns about my husband's privacy and his doctors as well. We have enough problems without stirring up a hornets' nest.

Hopefully, some of the people you brought up on this post will let you know how they are doing. As for if/when my hubby someday dies, I don't know myself if I would continue with the blog. Maybe it is just too painful for many.


Anonymous said...

Wow! so many "lost"
I particularly remember "Just Little Me" -- what a sad name! and then she herself was so sick!
It would be lovely to hear if they could "check in"
just so we would know.....

Lynn Barry said...

GOD I am glad I googled "Married to a diabetic" to see if there was any support online...I found you and you lead me to others and wow...I found you. Miracles do happen.
LOVE YA and THANKS for being there...wherever that is...I don't care where...I just know you are out there.