Lilly - some days I'm just "bad"! LOL!!!

Lilly wrote

Wow. Sorry, but I have to question your husband's Type 2 diagnosis. Unless maybe when he was first diagnosed, his body still made some insulin? My husband was 23 when diagnosed, and was diagnosed from the start as a Type 1, as he made no insulin at all, and got very sick. What we were told is if your pancreas just stops making any insulin, you are automatically a Type 1, even if you are in your early 20's. On the other hand, Type 2s do make some insulin, but it either is not enough, or else they have insulin resistance, and don't use it efficiently. And yes, Type 2s can get worse and quite often have to eventually inject insulin. This is what we have always understood to be true. Am I missing something here? If I am, please tell me! As for the spouse being a "Type 3 diabetic," I was a bit put off by that, too! As far as I know, there is only Type 1 and Type 2. Sounds like the other terms are being tossed around pretty loosely.


Oh Lilly, I'm so sorry to have confused you! No, hubby DID produce insulin when he was first diagnosed. He's one of those type 2s that's had it sooooooo long - he's now quit producing insluin. According to his nephrologist. So much insulin resistance that's why he's on humulin ru 500 concentrated - 5 times the strength of regular insulin. We figured out when he was in the hospital that he would need maybe 18 injections a day if he were still taking the regular type insulin. He just needs a lot. And while he dropped from 32/20 units pre surgery (yep, that's 52 units per day of the concentrated insulin, so take 52 x 5 (converting it correctly is nearly impossible to do).....he was down to 18/12, but sadly, that is creeping back up the scale as he takes in more food. Right now he's back up to 24/18. That's 24 units in the morning and 18 units at night. Yes, there are "special" needles for this that read units rather than ccs. So it's even harder to convert. Remember I said I had argued with 3 different physicians in the hospital as they all wanted to take him from 32 units of the concentrated stuff to 32 units of regular insulin, then half that because he was without food.  I'm telling you - they are all idiots!!!

New to this wrote:
I've sat back a while reflecting on this post. It's still painful for me to think about that night. The catatonic night I found you had addressed my comments. I can’t think of a way to describe how I felt that doesn’t come off sounding like a tired old cliché. You had been through so much with your DH at the hospital. Yet, you gave your time to help the stranger from the other side of the words on your computer screen. Then I saw the list of the Missing; all the other strangers behind the words on your screen. Contemplating the whys of their silence is deafening. Staying anonymous keeps us safe, makes us brave and gives us courage to be open and honest. But, I hadn’t thought to what happens when the voices go silent. It makes me think of the faded posters I’ve seen of loved ones lost. It makes me think of the high price you pay for the kindness of your heart. Oh DW, you make me think a lot. S

First - notice, I do come and go. There are moments when I can't help others.  But I do try. There are times when my personal life just overwhelms me and I either don'thave the time to check this blog.....or I don't have the emotional energy to do so. But there are other times when I "need" to read what everyone else is writing. I need to be in a support group. I need to get hugged. I'm pretty sure we all go through those phases. I'm going to just guess that based on the statistics I gave in an earlier blog - most of the silent women simply left their spouses. And when they did, most likely, they had to get a new email address, maybe a new computer. Maybe they lost the link to my blog....I just want to think that they are happier now, that they have found a new life and that they are out there smiling!

And then she wrote:
I love how you stand up for yourself -the spouse. Yesterday I read your "Type 3 Diabetes" post. It got me thinking. I came back today re-read it and followed a few of the links. I laughed so hard I almost shot coffee out my nose when I was reading in -interesting article- "These are normal couples struggling with abnormal situations," Fisher says. "It is not that they are crazy or sick: It is a new situation. It is a husband, a wife, and diabetes -- a threesome -- and diabetes is often the elephant in the living room that never gets mentioned." (Either I don't have an original thought in my head or thoughts about being married to a diabetic are universal.) Being new to this I feel like I have so much to learn to help the man I adore. Then I wonder if I'm just so afraid of the monster I want to do what ever I can to keep it away. Then I wonder if I'll stay sane. Then I come back to the grounding voice of experience. Thank you DW. I'm with you. When I married DH I took his last name. However, I get perturbed when I am addressed or introduced as Mrs.(his first name)(his last name). I want to inform these people that, "I have a name and I've gone by it my whole life, if you have forgotten my name I will happily remind you." But,I don't. ...Sometimes I am able to use my filter and not blurt. So again DW, I'm with you. I do not want to be diagnosed or addressed as a Type 3 Diabetic, it's his disease and he can keep its title all to himself. Love, S

Well......it's good that we can see the humor in what other's have to say. I especially wonder about writers who are "educated" yet have never lived the experience. I always wondered about a therpist who is trying to help me through an event that never lived the event. I know they have been trained to say, "there are certain steps that we all have to go through in any process...." It's about that moment that I tell myself, "just make it through this meeting, you do not ever have to return." And usually, I don't go back.

While it is true that there are certain steps we all go through....we all go through them differently. And a therapist who has never been faced by a spouse that has just slipped off his chair and slid down to the floor because he's gone into a diabetic coma.....well, they can hardly give me advice on how to handle my emotions in that moment. LOL!!!

It took me years to understand that. I take what I can from a counselor and do what I can with it. But sometimes, it's just not enough.

Here'sa question for all of us. Are we "normal" couples dealing with "abnormal" situations? If my statistics are correct, then diabetes is not "abnormal". Perhaps the fact that our spouses don't handle it very well, maybe that's "abnormal".....but based on the divorce rate, I really doubt that!

I just don't feel like we are a "normal" couple anymore. OK, when we got married, we were. But then he went on insulin. And he decided not to manage his diabetes. But now he is doing a pretty good job of managing it. But with all the other complications....we don't have sex. Is that normal? We don't go to the movies and that used to be a weekly thing we did. We don't go out to eat and we used to do that almost every day. We still love each other very much, but we have given up so much to accomodate his disease. And yes, I do go to the movies with my girlfriends, and I go out to lunch with them. But as a couple.....he and I are a far cry from "normal" and it is due to diabetes and all of it's complications after his body has lived with this disease for 33 years. Still....it's good to laugh at what others write about our lives.


Lynn wrote:
AMEN...you are preaching to the choir! That is exactly what made me make him order and fill his pill containers...sure I will ask him if he took his meds...keep insulin in my purse and extra needles when we got out to eat but he has to own it and he finally did but i did get the guilty looks (from one of my sons and some women) like i was abandoning a child or something...I was motivated because i knew on all levels that if i had the disease i would be ordering and filling and managing MY diabetes myself....period. So if i can do for myself, he can too. Helpmate, not indentured servant. YEAH, SISTER! HUGS

It did take "this" choir member quite some time to do what you have done. But I will say I'm on a good path now. Until this last round of problems, I would even go to the clinic and pick up his Rx for him. No more. He is now on the mail order refill plan. They get squished into our mail box. Literally. His refills come in a package so huge that most days, the poor mail man has to bring them to the door. But I no longer drive 5 miles to the clinic, stand in a line forever to get to the counter, then go sit and wait til his name goes on the board, then go stand in an even longer line to pay. Thank goodness I found the strength to put my foot down on that one!!!!


Tom’s wife wrote
YAY! what a great response! first of all, I hate labels in general but especially those that put us into a box that is stupid you are so correct, we don't have the disease and we are not required to address the medications. when we do -- we do so out of love, not out of necessity. the diabetic does that. its his disease, he has to deal with it.

Here's the problem. There are so many diabetics out there blogging away, telling us how much they rely on their spouses to do so much for them. And they get so angry at me when I tell the spouses that you do have the right to say no. You have the right to walk away. You have the right to leave. You are not a diabetic. They just seem to think that this is a "couple's" disease! And I have been arguing that point for 5 years now - to the point that other bloggers continue to put me down when they write about me. Problem is, they are all diabetics who just can't equate to what our lives are like.

Bottom line. I'm pretty healthy for my age. Don't take any prescription drugs. Never have. Do not have any illnesses, ailments or diseases. Why on earth would I want anyone to classify me as a type 3 diabetic? Yikes!!!

On the other hand, if it would qualify me to get social security disability benefits, mabye I could tolerate the label.....what do you think? LOLOL!!!

DW- who occassionally has a sense of humor about most of this!