Thursday, April 08, 2010

A horrible day

Visit to the nutritionist. She said he needs to load up on carbs when he has a low. I said they need to reduce his humulin, he's getting too much. She is sending a note to the endocrinologist to recommend dropping his humulin from 20cc - 18 or even 15 cc. He agreed to drop to 18 tomorrow. He was low again all afternoon.

So why would anyone say to load up on carbs when he has been low almost every afternoon for 2 weeks....I am charting and graphing so much the pattern is quite obvious. The heart surgeon's nurses said when he goes low to give him OJ. That gave him gout. So the endocrinologist said to give him peanut butter, apples, apple juice. Cardiac PT gave him apple juice. I have tried to get him to take glucose tabs for the last 3 years and he has absolutely refused to do so. The nutritionist wants him to take glucose tabs. . He told her today that he would. I wanted to scream my head off.

He came home, had a low, took smarties instead.

She said he should take a glucose tab every 15 minutes til he gets to 70. I asked - all afternoon? I showed her the charts where he has been low for 6 hours at a time....with everything he has been taking. Her answer? Glucose tabs act faster than smarties. Maybe they do. But remember, when he is low, he can't remember anything, can't remember what she said to do, can't remember what's best for him to do and will simply refuse to take what I offer him unless it's something he wants.

Shall I just let him go into a coma???

She made suggestions to increase carbs like putting raisens in his cereal. Of course, she didn't ask if he would do that and I know he hates raisens, so it won't happen. She suggested that rather than eating cockail sauce with the shrimp, that we sautee the shrimp. Probably won't happen either. She never asked him if he was a picky eater. She never asked him if he liked this or that. And it would not have mattered because he would have lied about it.

At one point, she asked him if he would do something and he looked at her, then at me and said, "if she will let me have it". I said, "Don't you dare put this on me!" But what I failed to tell her was that he is has been fixing his own breakfast and lunch the last 3 days - the decision on what to have is 100% up to him. Even when I fix his meals, I ask him what he wants to eat. I have learned over the years if I don't ask, then I'm just working for nothing because if he's not in the mood, he won't eat it. Yet we get into a meeting and he wants to put the blame on me. I just wanted to scream my head off.

We ran out of time. I didn't get to ask her about Mrs. Dash. At the hospital, they told us to not use salt substitutes, but to use all the Mrs. Dash's line. They told us a bout a local store that sold non-salt spices and to go there. Which I did. Yesterday, during the education session on medicines, they told us not to use any Mrs. Dash's products. When I questioned this, they said, "don't use the ones that have potassium in them". OK - but the hospital staff said to use ALL of the Mrs. Dash line.

And maybe that sounds like such a simple tiny problem to many, but this is a huge change in diet for him and he doesn't like herbs and spices - he wants salt.

Then he had the NIVA ultrasound done on his legs and arms. My sister and I picked him up and he wanted to go out for lunch. And I just said, "we better not" and drove home. He has been mad at me the rest of the day. And I mean really really mad! I just don't get it. We go talk to a nutritionist....and he wants to go out to lunch.

I want to give up. I want to quit. I have caregiver burnout so bad. I am sick and tired of doing everthing that I can to help him lose weight, keep his sugar stable, encourage him to exercise.....I have changed everything about how I live....and he gets mad because I tell him I'm not going out to eat.

More proof that he has a death wish?

Then, we were talking about next weeks appointments and I told him that Wednesday will be the worst. He has an education class followed by cardiac therapy and I have a minor outpatient surgery scheduled while he's doing that. He said, "the grandson is going to be delivered that day" and I said that we would be free on Thursday to go see him. Well, he got even madder. Not sure why - I only scheduled my appt to save yet another trip to the clinic. He already had his 2 appointments that day - was he planning on skipping them? He just forgot to mention that to me?

Anyway, it has been a horrible day here. I'm exhausted. Watching chick flicks with my sister and I may just sleep downstairs tonight. I'm just too tired to look at him, see his sullenness, feel how angry he is at me....when all I'm trying to do is help.

Tomorrow is a new day. I'm praying that it will be better.


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