Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Diabetics in Denial on Oprah.

Buried down on 9/24 is this comment:

Anonymous said...
this might be of interest...

Well, of course I checked out the link and I'm thrilled to see that she might be having a show on this topic, so I urge anyone who reads this blog to check out the link and submit.

Did I submit? Yes. With the condition that only my blog be referenced and that it be kept confidential. I can't fathom the retribution I would receive if hubby found out I'm writing about his personal life. But I can't fathom my blood pressure if I didn't get this out of my system by writing about it!

I believe that Oprah does a wonderful job of educating the American public on a wide variety of topics. But this one is too sensitive for me. I live in this world of denial 24/7. I can't go on a show and talk to the world about it and then come home and live with it. And having him go on the show is not going to get him out of his denial. That has to come from within can't be forced. And I have to continue to live with him.

My question today has been this, "Is his denial a form of abuse to me?" Oh dear....that's more than I can think of while we are recovering from foot I will ponder my thoughts on that another day.

Today has been difficult. He got so ill from the Vicadin and I have a total gag reaction to that. He did get the pain meds switched around...but I have run up and down the stairs, fetching things and doing things for him so much that I am truly starting to get irritated tonight. I just can't do this. And this is only day 2. I took his dinner up to him and had just returned to start mine when he yelled down and wanted me to come take his trash and the extra chicken breast that he did not eat. I simply asked, "can it wait until I finish eating?" I just had to wonder....does he think I don't need nourishment to run up and down the stairs? LOL!

I'm not young. I have lived enough years to be retired. I never dreamed I would spend my retirement as a caregiver. When you are just don't think about things like that.

I don't know how caregivers do this day in and day out. I just don't know. I noticed that I need to change the sheets on the bed and he has already called down for my next trip upstairs. I tried to go to my studio in the basement earlier...he called me on the cell phone. If I didn't think that was hilarious...I'd probably just sit down and cry!

Well, my doctor did tell me that she wanted me to increase my activity level....I think she will be happy! LOLOL!

Fortunately, my "other" life as an artist has had some excellent, wonderful, fabulous news in the past 48 hours. That is what sustains me through the dark side of my life....the light that comes from creating art that is getting seen around the world. Perhaps the darker this side grows, the more powerful my art is becoming. More thoughts for me to ponder another day when I have more energy to think!!


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