Wednesday, March 21, 2012

When do you walk away?

it's no longer "if"'s now "when".

I'm not sure I can handle his layoff. Not with sugar lows, stupid decisions, age 10 behaviors and so on.

We had 3 vehicles.  An off wheel 4x4 Ford that is jacked up and he could no longer get's sold.

A 2001 Camaro SS convertible - his 50th birthday gift to himself - so low to the ground he can no longer get into it.  So it's on the market.

And a 2002 Ford Escape - which has been my car all these years.  We decided to keep it because whenever he has surgery - it's the car he can get into.  So we took the money from the truck and had the engine fixed yesterday.

This morning, I asked him to take it to BigO and price new tires and a battery. I specifically used the word "price".  But he got 4 brand new top of the line tires - $1000.

He came home and I was just a little pissed.  But I very calmly asked him, "When do you want to make the change from a PF Changs lifestyle to a McDonald's, maybe, if they have a coupon style?"

He blew up. I expected it.  But we have to get over this hurdle and I don't know how to do it.  His gross pay was $140K with bonuses taking it as high as $198 in a year.  His retirement pay will be a gross of $21,588.  His last check is next Wednesday.  I know he is not thinking.  I know he is in denial.  But when does the spending stop???  We need every penny that we don't absolutely have to spend to get us moved to a smaller place.

And I'm pretty sure he was low this morning.  No breakfast. Nothing to eat since about 6 pm last night.

Yes, it's my fault that I asked him to go price tires.  But seriously?  Do I have to do everything myself?  In my world, "price tires" means you get an estimate, then you go to another tire store and get an estimate, you price around.  In his world, I guess it means go buy them and get them put on....and buy the very most expensive set you can get.....that "covers" price.

OK - you gotta laugh sometimes.  What a complete idiot?  And yes, I love him, but I just don't know if I can stick around and endure the idiot in him!!!  He is going to drive me to a complete poor house in less than a week!!!

And the outburst was horrendous.  Him ranting, screaming, flailing his arms, coming at me then backing away and just completely babbling about nothing.  I know you know exactly what I'm talking about.  Half of what he said made no sense at all.  I wonder if that's not a "power trip" tactic....get me completely confused so I have no idea at all what the real conversation is??   He threatened to leave, he walked out the door, he came back, he went to his office and started working. Mind you, it was 10:30 am and he had not worked at all yet today.....and he wonders why he was laid off????

It's another rollercoaster day here....but if he doesn't wake up and realize that he is going to have about $1200 a month to live on.....what is he going to do???



Petra said...

Have you ever considered that poor blood sugar control in diabetics can lead to dementia? So much of what you've posted sounds like my mother. She had type 2, and then developed dementia as a direct result of her uncontrolled blood sugar. It would certainly explain the memory lapses and nonsensical speech, childish, irrational behavior, anger and rage, and much more. (Not for publication, just wanted to give you some food for thought)

sar said...

That question has plagued me for many years. How much more can i take of the rage, craziness, disgusting smells, and total lack of earning capacity.

We were rich. No longer so and we just go down and down each month. No income. A profession for me that is useless to try to find work in.
No pensions, no life insurance, no disability insurance just tons of bills and no income.
Diabetes cost us our future and his self neglect has hastened the fall.

I want out but would I be better or worse and what would happen to him?

Lilly said...

Sounds like the denial thing again! My husband spends so much money on big-ticket items that we don't need, that I am now very careful how much of my paycheck I am willing to "fork over" to him for bills, as he still handles them at this point. Thinking that needs to change, but not sure how to go about approaching him on it. I'm just so tired of seeing money wasted, as some day I would like to retire. You are right: your lifestyle will change drastically, and your hubby needs to get that.

Take care,


Mary said...

Hi DW,

I know all about the out of control spending, the ranting, and the depression of a diabetic husband.

Husband retired 9 years ago and got another job (less stressful) because we could not pay bills on his pension. Also, 9 years ago, he was finally diagnosed with diabetes and started taking glucose pills and getting counseling about diet and exercise.

In his mind he can spend "his" money any way he wants to because "he" works for it AND "he" has also "retired" from a job. (I have a full-time job and have worked during the length of our marriage - 22 years. I contribute financially to the household too.)

In the meanwhile, the house is not repaired, I have to buy only necessities because there is not enough money.

I talked to someone (church counselor) about my situation and he said that my husband was being neglectful and suggested that I needed to make a decision to stay or go if husband has not concern about the well-being of his family. Husband refused to go to counseling of any kind.

I have made my decision to go. I am working and I have told my husband that I can no longer live like this. I am in my 50's and I don't deal with stress the way I could when I was younger.

Husband still skips meals, lies to his doctors, doesn't check his glucose, eats anything he wants, etc., etc. It is a difficult situation for me as I am trying to keep the household going, being worried and stressed about paying the bills that he makes, and putting food on the table, and working a stressful job. Husband doesn't want any responsibility for his wife, home, or his health.

Thanks for writing about the truths associated with a diabetic. My husband has become unreasonable and is out of control. Diabetes has changed him (the way he thinks). He is not the man I married 22 years ago.

Another wife of a diabetic,

JSmith said...

I got to the point where I no longer expect anything to be done.. If you want something done YOU have to do it yourself! Does not matter if it is a small choir or a major under taking. The spouse of a diabetic gets no help ever! and yes imho your spouse will change over time due to the sugar levels affecting the brain. People change but most diabetics will go down hill.