Wednesday, February 08, 2012

To those with still don't get it, do you?

First, take your glucose before you read this.  Because if you are high or low, you won't even begin to understand what it is I am trying to say to you.

Then take it again when you are done reading and take it 30 minutes later because if you are on the verge of a glucose change, you won't understand this either.

Let me first start by explaining something that happened Sunday.  We have an annual superbowl party where all of my husband's staff flies in from all over the country.  We did not have it last year because hubby was having his spinal stenosis surgery, so it's been 2 years.  Many of the local spouses and kids join us for the party each year.

One of the local wives pulled me aside to ask how he was doing.  I said that he was fine other than the fact that he only had one lab result that was normal in this last panel.  She looked so shocked and said, what's wrong?  I said, well his A1c is 10.5 and this triglycerides are over 1400.  She said, "what is causing all this?"  And I said, "you do know that he has diabetes, don't you?"  She was completely taken aback, so I said, "does your husband (my hubby's employee) know that he is diabetic?"  and she said "No!"

Other than my family and 2 friends, I'm not sure anyone else knows that he is diabetic.  I do not mention it to anyone.  That's why I have this order to vent.

I am probably my husband's biggest fan.  If he goes low when we are with someone else, I tell our friends that I am feeling ill and we probably need to go home."  They think I have a ton of food allergies and stomach problems. They have no clue that he is diabetic and that I can tell from the way he is acting that we need to get him something to eat, or get him some glucose tabs.

So here's my point, if I can cover this so well (and he can as well), to the extent that an employee who has worked for him for the last 10 years has no idea that he is do you know that your spouse is not the exact same way???

How do you know that they are not 100% supportive when they are around you, yet harbor the same emotions that I have.....they just never show this side to you?

Have you given that any thought?

My hubby has no idea I have this blog.  He has no idea how much I despise this disease or what it has done to my own personal life.  He knows how much I love him.  And there is no reason for him to know, see, hear my anger.  It would probably put him in a depression.  But because I can vent here, I can leave it here and provide him with the loving, supportive wife that he needs. I can stay with him and not leave.

He simply has no clue.  So why on earth do you think your spouse doesn't have the same feelings that I have and can hide them from you as well as I do?  When my hubby asks me how I feel about his diabetes (and he has done so in the past), I simply tell him that I raised 2 very sick kids and that's how God prepared me for this.  And yes, that part is 100% true....and hubby is very satisfied with that answer.

So, don't send me your comments that tell me there are others who don't feel the way I do....because you will probably NEVER know your spouse's feelings.   I'm talking about the spouse who does not have diabetes, that loves you to pieces, but hates this disease and all it's ramifications to their lives as much as I do.

I won't post those comments.  Why?  Because I know that if you have diabetes, you have absolutely, positively no way of knowing what your spouse feels.....because they can hide it just as well as I hide my feelings from my diabetic husband.

And feel free to get mad at me.  It's better than taking your denial out on your own spouse!!!  Write all the nasty comments you care to send me.....but in them, please prove to me how you know that your spouse doesn't have a hidden blog, journal, online notebook where they write their own feelings, fears, worries and concerns so that in turn, they can be a loving, supportive, appreciative spouse that you perceive them to be.  I know for a fact that my own husband would swear that I don't.

But I do!

And don't bother to ask your spouse if they have a journal because they will tell you that they don't.  They are not about to want to get into an argument with you about what they write.  Just let them have this one thing to keep private!!!

Did you see the video of cops beating up a motorist who was in diabetic caused shock?

about the Henderson NV cops who beat up a diabetic that was going low.   It is just the worst thing ever.  And I totally agree that law enforcement, school teachers, public servants all need to be trained in symptoms of hypoglycemia.  And I do not think that the settlement is anywhere near as much as it should be.

Most other articles about this incident left out this part that's in this article:

Symptoms of hypoglycemia include shakiness, dizziness, hunger, pale skin, moodiness, aggressive behavior, loss of consciousness and even seizures.

If you are the diabetic and you have had a hypoglycemic incident, have you ever followed-up by asking your spouse if you presented any of these symptoms?  Have you ever asked them what their thoughts were about your moodiness or aggressive behavior?  And if you are the type of diabetic that has a regular low in the morning and you ask them how this impacts their life on a daily basis?

And if you have done this, then ask yourself how you know they don't have a personal diary somewhere that they write down something other than what they tell you?

As spouses, we have to be supportive of the diabetic in our lives.  But by being supportive, we often do not confess our true feelings to the diabetic because we know it will put them in a depression, in a bad mood, or cause a fight.  And it's just easier not to rock the boat.

If you have lows and/or highs on a regular basis, ask yourself how this impacts your spouse's life?  Trust me, they have learned the same behavior that I have.  It is easier to just smile and pick up the pieces and go on with life than to say/do anything that might cause you to be more depressed than you normally are, to cause you to get into a fight/argument/tantrum with me.  

But I have also learned that if I keep it all bottled up inside of me, something is going to explode with my own body from all the stress of not being able to vent about how much you have changed my life.  Therefore, I and other spouses are learning to blog.

Finally.....if you still swear this is not how your spouse is, at least pay attention to my blog because they may well be here one day in the future.  And if they start having physical problems, you might suggest they read this particular blog as their illness might well be the result of not expressing their true feelings about your diabetes.  Just food for thought!



Lilly said...

Well said!

Lilly said...

Just watched the video. Very upsetting, as I just kept thinking about my own hubby. Long ago, before I met him, he was locked up in jail over night for drunken driving in another state. It wasn't until the next morning that someone finally figured out he was suffering from a low blood sugar, not too much alcohol! I'm thinking he was in no condition to explain . . .